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#2790216 03/20/14 05:09 PM
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I am in a relationship with a narcsasits. Is there anyone familiar on this site with this that can talk ?

KL6 #2790222 03/20/14 05:32 PM
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Originally Posted By: KL6
I am in a relationship with a narcsasits. Is there anyone familiar on this site with this that can talk ?

Welcome to MB.

Are you dating? Living Together?

Do you have any kids?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2790223 03/20/14 05:32 PM
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Also, have they been diagnosed with NPD?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2790287 03/20/14 08:49 PM
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Yes, I was in a relationship of 8yrs with someone with a Axis II personality disorder.

What do you want to know?

geroldmodel #2790471 03/21/14 06:36 PM
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YES, yes, And how do you cope???

geroldmodel #2790472 03/21/14 06:37 PM
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HOW do you cope? How long have you been in a realtionship. can you offer any tips ?

BrainHurts #2790480 03/21/14 07:15 PM
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Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Originally Posted By: KL6
I am in a relationship with a narcsasits. Is there anyone familiar on this site with this that can talk ?

Welcome to MB.

Are you dating? Living Together?

Do you have any kids?


x 2

Why do you stay?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
black_raven #2790498 03/21/14 09:11 PM
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I was 8 years in that relationship.
Coped with it because I had no idea what was happenning actually. She was emotionally abusive and I had no idea how or why.

As soon as I got some information about the subject I tried to get out of the FEAR, OBLIGATION and GUILT-cycle by drawing BOUNDARIES for her. I stopped tolerating emotional abusive behaviour...

**EDIT**

Last edited by MBSync; 03/21/14 10:13 PM. Reason: Removal of non-MB resource
KL6 #2790502 03/21/14 09:57 PM
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Originally Posted By: KL6
I am in a relationship with a narcsasits. Is there anyone familiar on this site with this that can talk ?


KL-6, you can always email Dr. Willard Harley, clinical psychologist and author of 19 books for advice on his Radio Show: mbradio@marriagebuilders.com

geroldmodel #2790528 03/22/14 01:23 AM
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I have read and read and read about it, I try so hard not to take things personal. But the more i set boundaries and ignore his behavior and words the worse he gets. he now threatens to throw me out, I know he doesn't mean it but it hurts, he uses affection and sex as weapons and that alone is hard. The doc we are seeing makes him furious but he still goes ( 3 times now )Every time he got home from seeing him, he takes it out on me.

Jedi_Knight #2790530 03/22/14 01:24 AM
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I will thank you. I also was told to find some people just to talk to . Kinda support group.

black_raven #2790574 03/22/14 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted By: black_raven
Originally Posted By: BrainHurts
Originally Posted By: KL6
I am in a relationship with a narcsasits. Is there anyone familiar on this site with this that can talk ?

Welcome to MB.

Are you dating? Living Together?

Do you have any kids?


x 2

Why do you stay?

Can you please answer these questions?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



KL6 #2790660 03/22/14 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted By: KL6
I have read and read and read about it, I try so hard not to take things personal. But the more i set boundaries and ignore his behavior and words the worse he gets. he now threatens to throw me out, I know he doesn't mean it but it hurts, he uses affection and sex as weapons and that alone is hard. The doc we are seeing makes him furious but he still goes ( 3 times now )Every time he got home from seeing him, he takes it out on me.


Dr. Harley would encourage you to leave.
He does not support living together outside of marriage.

KL6 #2790668 03/22/14 02:20 PM
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Please read this and let us know what you think.
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



BrainHurts #2790929 03/23/14 11:53 AM
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I was married to one for 9 years, together for 11. He showed no signs of it when dating. The signs/traits came out after marriage and more over time. That's how narcissists work. All you have to do is put the term in google search and learn all traits. The more I enforced my boundaries and STOPPED enabling his narcissism, STOPPED letting him verbally, mentally, emotionally abuse me, the worse it got. He would get more and more drunk and more and more physical. He almost killed me the last time. He used to withhold love, affection attention and SF as well...threaten to leave, etc. I had no choice but to divorce. Sadly, I am still in love with him. You too, deserve better. Best wishes.

Last edited by stilltryingx2; 03/23/14 11:54 AM.
BrainHurts #2791358 03/25/14 02:40 PM
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x 2 means yes to the first two questions .

Jedi_Knight #2791360 03/25/14 02:44 PM
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If that is truly what he would do , then I will wait for him to due so. I honestly dont think you should speak for other people. I have read ALL his books and even passed them down to my Daughter in law and I DO NOT EVER remember him writing anything of the sort.

KL6 #2791370 03/25/14 03:04 PM
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Living together or not living together it is all a state of Mind. If we have both been married before and have the agreement that we do not want to get married again because a divorce is not only costly but mentally a drain. Thats a choice we make together. A piece of paper and all the legal costs should not determine how people respect and treat each other in a relationship. TWO people must be willing to meet the needs of the relationship to make it work regardless if married or not. WE are both OK with never being married but learning to respect each others needs. Sometimes it does get hard without a bit of outside help. Especially if one of the persons has a PD. And thats not any different then one of the persons coming down with a terminally disease.

KL6 #2791383 03/25/14 03:55 PM
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Originally Posted By: KL6
Living together or not living together it is all a state of Mind. If we have both been married before and have the agreement that we do not want to get married again because a divorce is not only costly but mentally a drain. Thats a choice we make together. A piece of paper and all the legal costs should not determine how people respect and treat each other in a relationship. TWO people must be willing to meet the needs of the relationship to make it work regardless if married or not. WE are both OK with never being married but learning to respect each others needs. Sometimes it does get hard without a bit of outside help. Especially if one of the persons has a PD. And thats not any different then one of the persons coming down with a terminally disease.


Actually getting married does make a huge difference in how people treat people. It is like the difference between buying a house or renting a house. People treat a house they have bought much differently than one they have rented. They tend to abuse rented homes.

Just consider a few interesting statistics. Did you know that 80% of domestic violence ocurrs in relationships where the couple either lives together or lived together before marriage? Domestic violence is almost unheard of in marriages.

Add to that the divorce rate in marriages where they lived together before marriage is 85% compared to 50% for those who didn't. Those are just the shackers that made it to marriage. Most don't make it that far.

Just the fact that a couple won't get married reflects a mindset that is not committed. You should read Dr Harley's article about the curse of living together. Very eye opening! Living Together Before Marriage: Compatibility Test or Curse?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


KL6 #2791385 03/25/14 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted By: KL6
Sometimes it does get hard without a bit of outside help. Especially if one of the persons has a PD. And thats not any different then one of the persons coming down with a terminally disease.


I beg to differ, having experienced marrying, loving, and living with my husband who came down with a "terminal" disease.

You are not married. You get what you get when that little piece of paper means so little. Considering the cost of a divorce in deciding whether to marry is a pretty good indicator that you are both renters. You're right though, it is a choice you both make together but you're wrong about whether marriage makes a difference in a relationship. Terribly wrong.

As far as getting outside help, there are plenty of relationship counselors. Nothing hard about that. The hard part is making the choice to stay in a relationship that lacks the commitment of until death do us part.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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