The clip isn't of the actual fight but of a liar and cheater possibly coaxing a 4 yr old to say stuff about mean old mommy...GMAB. Don't worry about this. He will look like an ahole no matter how he tries to spin this. People who find out they are being cheated on tend to get emotional...go figure!!! Don't blow this out of proportion. He is trying to scare you and it is WEAK!!!

ETA: If he keeps bringing it up, tell him to knock himself out because it proves nothing and he will look like a bigger jerk.

Thanks a lot, Mel and black_raven! Your replies helped me calm down and not read too much into his actions. I tried to believe that he was just desperately trying to get back to me on exposing him or threaten me not to expose him to his work place.

Anyway, i sent WH another email, telling him we've been together for 15 years. Although we feel like we only have hatred , betrayal, and disappointment toward each other right now, we might still have love, just deeply buried. I asked him not to force me to make any life changing decisions (force me to have divorce) within 6 months of DDay, that would give him another 2 months to cool down and come to sense what's the right thing to do, hopefully. I told him i still believe our marriage could survive if he terminates all forms of contact with OW.

Meanwhile, because of our tension, MIL couldn't really take the stress anymore and got sick. WH cares a lot about his mom (father passed away more than 10 years ago). She tried to talk to both of us again, and ask WH end the affair and shift his focus back to the kids and family. WH agreed not to talk about divorce for another two months, and he said he will not contact the OW anymore. She hates him now. I don't have proof that they ended the A. But I guess I shall not force him to send NC letter or commit to our marriage right now. WH is strongly against moving out, since his sick mom is living with us, and doesn't want to leave the 2 kids. Not sure how much he will listen to his mom, since previously he just ignored all the talks against his A.

I think I want to do another 2 months of Plan A. And looking for Cal jobs in the meantime. i ordered another copy of SAA for him. Hope he can read it. If he shows signs that wants to reconcile, I'll talk to him more about Dr Harley's program of restoring love after affair.

Any suggestions are welcomed. Thank you so much!

is it just my wishful thinking that they are going to end the A after I exposed the A to OW's work place, posted on cheaterville, and threaten to do more if they don't stop? They have a long history that they know each other for more than 20 years, and always have been good friends.

It may be you need Plan B. They may need to 'do the realtionship' before seeing how much of a disaster it will be. However if you contact her parents it could resolve things very quickly and see him dumped.

She's been sqawking very loudly to get you to stop - she must have a sore point you haven't hit yet.

However you can do this from within Plan B. If it has gotten to the point where he is threatening you with lame videos you probably need to stop talking to him.

"do the realtionship" the OW and WH live in two different country. They cannot have a physical relationship even if he moves out. WH said he wouldn't contact OW anymore. Do i need to ask him to send out a NC letter now?

Yes, he must hand write a NC letter that meets with your approval and you be the one to ensure it gets mailed to the correct, and it needs to follow the templates on this site.

Also, EP's MUST be implemented if he is serious about recovery.

LTL

Thanks, LearnedTooLate. But WH hasn't talked about recovery yet. Two days ago, he wanted to have a quick divorce otherwise he wouldn't move out. He just agreed not to force me to talk about divorce in two months. I was hoping if he really terminate contact and would come to sense and want the marriage back. Shall I give him more time to think this through and do a another round of Plan A?

If there is no NC letter they want to keep the fantasty alive that there *is* a relationship.

The poor foggy fools probably haven't even addressed the question of geography. Or if they have, it is somehow your fault.

If you get out the way, where you are not in contact and they are free to make a relationship, they will see - that they can't!

They will probably start fighting over where they should live and each blaming the other. Or the long distance nature of things will end it.

Before Plan B, the BS is blamed for everything. Once she goes, they see the many numerous flaws in the ludicrous idea of their being together.

NEVER do another round of Plan A!

It will encourage him that you are not really serious. Women who are too available and who remain in contact look desperate and unappealing.

Besides, any more of his threats will drive you nuts. Get out of the way and let the affair destroy itself.

Thanks, indiegirl. I'll talk to WH see if he's willing to send out NC letter. But I'm not sure if he's there yet and if I should give him some more time to process the whole thing.

Thanks, indiegirl. It's just too difficult for me to take care of two kids, one being 5-month old just by myself. MIL is not healthy enough to help me right now. My son is teething right now, i guess, and is waking up every hour from 11pm to 5am.

My close relative called WH today, try to convince him to work on the marriage. He agreed to try. Then WH and I talked when making dinner. He is willing to send OW the no contact letter, and agree to work on the marriage, although reluctantly. I think he's still pretty mad that i exposed the A to OW's work place. Not sure if he agrees on NC just to have me stop exposure and protect OW. He asked me to promise not to expose them further and take OW's cheaterville link off public. I replied i could do so only if he remains NC and commit to rebuild our marriage.

I talked to him briefly about Dr Harley's program,NC for life, ultimate transparency, 15hrs a week to restore love, etc. He still has doubts. I guess I should give him some time. obviously he's not ready yet. and the way he's talking is just like damage control. He's not remorseful at all and I don't like his attitude. I think i need proof that they did end the A, and NC. I need all his pwd and totally block OW. Is he in withdrawal? I wish he would give us more space. I don't really want to be around him that much right now.

He is not serious. I would tell him you will never remove ow from cheaterville and I predict you will see his true colors. In fact, I would also put her photo on shesahomewrecker.com and send it to here. Why would your husband care if the affair is over? The fact that he cares so much means the affair is not over.

Will he give you the OWs home address and husbands contact info so you can tell him about the affair? If the affair is over then he should want to do that.

You should separate from him as soon as you can.

". I guess I should give him some time."

Yes, I would give him 10 minutes. That is all it takes to end your affair and make a commitment if you are serious. If you are not serious, it takes a lot of "time..."

Mel,you are right. he's lying to my face again. He told me he's willing to work on the marriage. And he asked about the exposure stuff. I thought he's made a commitment, and said i probably shall not reveal that much to him, but since you made a promise, it's just that i didn't plan to expose to her work place, just that i don't have her other contact info. i told him i don't know her husband's number...

then he took a walk and back, went to bathroom with the phone. i told him i want to look at the phone, and his chat records. he's reluctant and said he could show me this one time. i said no, we need to be 100% transparent to rebuild trust. he refused to give the pwd and let me check his phone freely. i saw OW is still in his contacts. he then said he would contact her before the 6 month after DDday!!! He's totally lying to me, he never wanted to work on the marriage, he's still trying to divorce me and win the posow back.

then i demand him move out by this Friday. i find a mutual friend to be our IM and will call him tomorrow about it. i'm done talking to him!

You just have to get the contact information of her husband and her family. I would not rest until you do that.

I am sorry he is making this so hard. But the affair has never ended.

I wouldnt even give him until Friday.
I suggest you find an IM ASAP and change the locks on the house.
You really need to enter Plan B ASAP

Thanks, Mel and Jedi. Found IM, a mutual friend in CA, told him about the IM role, sent him about the IM training school, and he's willing to have us. Told WH to move out ASAP.

Work on OW's contacts this afternoon.

As a general rule, the IM should be same sex

When's WH leaving? Did you find OW's contacts?