After reading all the post here and abroad I have come to the conclusion that the only way for me to get my Wife out of the fog is with the threat of divorce. Since at least December she has been engaged in an EA with some tool from California. It started, like always, as a harmless friendship but alas grew right in front of my eyes.

I have been stonewalled at nearly every avenue. No access to her phone, E-mail, facebook, nothing. I must admit that her fog is so dense that when I had her on the ropes about letting me see her phone she stated that she couldn't since she needed to trust me first. HUH? Yes, I am the one that needs to rebuild trust. This topic was further derailed with a spontaneous sex session from her part.

she has been sleeping on the couch since February, at first due to the age old "I Need to find myself" garbage, which it is, just plain old trash. The she sprains her ankle, not on purpose mind you, but has used the script of needing to elevate her ankle to allow for it to heal. Now a week or 2 makes sense, but she walks on it, frequently, goes to work on her feet Etc, so tell me why you can't sleep in the bed.

All attempts to get the truth have been stunted. If I revisit what we have talked about the story changes or I "Misheard" her even though my memory since D-Day has been hyper accurate in regards to her affair.

Usually people look at me and question what possible damage could this have caused, well for starters;

My Finances have taken a hit since she was the bill payer and I was (Am) the bread winner. The bills were ignored or disregarded since she made efforts to buy a phone, which I still haven't had access to yet.

my children were exposed to this since she used they're Ipod to text back and forth highly charged sexually explicit materials that my 2 eldest sons discovered since she did not delete or lock her messages from view. they also suggested that she gave the Ipod back to them when they first discovered the messages and brought them to her attention with the purpose of me discovering them.

for nearly 2 months I was emotionally assaulted for matters I had no idea that made her mad. Not soon after she professed her love for him and him for her and wanted a divorce. the was day 2 of me taking a week off from the household (Bad idea) so I could clear my head.

Since I was at the time on 2nd shift I began to notice certain things since D-Day. The children's bedrooms doors were closed, a unusual occurrence to be sure. Nothing was getting done and after my final week on 2nd shift I was told that one night she put the 4 children to bed at 5:30 pm as to spend phone time with him. Since this was confirmed by my eldest. both over the age of 10 I do not question the testimony.

Finally, after having enough of seeing her stay up to five in the AM to spend time with this guy, my children not getting the proper care or attention that they needed I returned home hell bent on getting her out of here. I told her I didn't love her, She was not my friend, I am finally quitting on you and I want a divorce to which all were answered with a non chalant "Okay".

However without going into details as to why I explained that if need be I will force her, legally, out of the house if need be since she refused to stop her affair, although the method of force needed may be a one way ticket to disaster and point of no return. She relented to a degree and after emotionally breaking down agreed to "Ween" herself from this guys emotional attachment.

Although it seemed to be working she appears to have now entered the cake eating stage. She claims he is just a friend now and that they both realized their feelings were misplaced. This coupled with her story revisions as well as her admitting to being sexually turned on by him still do not convince my wife that he is a threat and big problem for me. And he has also, however exact the details are I do not know, invited her out for a visit with his intentions oh so obvious. she has however declined.

Lets starts with this for now. Trust me, there is lots more to talk about. I need a spark. I can't explain it but I just do.

Are you married?

Is the OM married? Does he have a facebook page?

He's not married, and yes he has a facebook page. In fact I got bounced from her friends list while she has him hidden on hers. But she is visible on his. I got kicked after I started to question her posts at the time. THen came her profile pictures which shows her all done up and looking good.

Are YOU married?

And can you make a copy of all his contacts on facebook?

Oh sorry about that. Yes, 13 years this August.

I suppose I can make a screen shot of his friends list if need be. But then what?

Then you expose.

Who is this OM? How does she know him?

Go read the thread on exposure in the link in my signature. I would expose the affair wide and far and run this dirtbag off.

Have you read these? Read the Exposure 101 thread?
Start Here First-SAA

With the exception of a mass Facebook bomb her Family already knows. Quietly I have their support with some even calling to offer support. For him though I do not know what to do that would be affective. I have his mothers phone number from the phone book but would it actually do any good?

Yes expose to his mother and father and any siblings.

Does he have a GF?

How does your WW know OM?

Her attempts at reconciliation are more akin to rug sweeping/ Trickle truth, no access, no closure. She doesn't even mention the Marriage counselor any more either. Hell, she hasn't even sought out IC as she said she needed to do for depression issues.

I believe he is single. They met online. With some sessions clocking in at 10 hours a shot, From when I left for work to when I got home.

Online, through an online game? A chat room? Doing what?

Have you run a background check to find out if he's married? Why does his Facebook page say?

Don't listen to her Fog Babble. Just worry about killing the affair.

AN online game that was voice enabled so the barrier of typing was not present.

Okay you need to find out everything about this slimeball so you can expose properly.

Have you ran a background check on him?

SHe claims it is over yet refuses to go NC.

I would not be quiet about it. Expose it everywhere loudly and ask them all to contazct her for support.


I would expose to his family and married friends on facebook in addition to calling his mother. Do you know what his occupation is? Does he play this game at work?

And I would suggest cancelling your internet service.

If you expose to his facebook contacts you will likely discover that he has a girlfriend and that he is pursuing other women.

Although I am not against the idea I do not believe he has one. the reason being is that he made his available free time run in parallel to hers. Still it is worth a shot.

I must also apologize in advance as a lot of the details regarding this will not be in order. Right now on the surface you would say we are in the reconciliation phase however several red flags are present.

When I as for the details at to what they were talking about I get the usual trickle truth but since I have been very attentive to her statements I have been able to remember everything to the slightest details.

using this when topics or particular details are revisited the story is revised in a manner to which she makes it out to be that he is nothing more than just a friend. It was, as she put it, a overzealous reaction to their feelings or misperception.

Naturally I do not buy it but would try to if say I had access to her cell phone or other mediums. When I backed off for a few weeks and brought up my feelings, which clearly aggravate her depending on my delivery of them, I sprung the question of letting me see her phone so I could validate, or more so have trust in her word. What I got was resistance and BS rationale. She claimed she needed to trust me, which makes absolutely no sense and said what if I do something stupid like call him.....

I answered that he hangs up, whoop-dee-doo, and then shortly after was completely derailed by physical intimacy by her initiation.

That's why we believe the affair is still on.

Get your spyware in place and prepare to expose.

Her not wanting to write a NC Letter is a huge red flag. She will have to change all her contact information and get rid of the internet and get a dumb phone.

The affair is still on and so until you kill the affair (with exposure) she will continue with her wayward babble.

Find out who this slimeball is and get ready to blow up his game.