Aaah ok thanks for the info. To be honest I'm pretty nervous about trying this one as he's pretty computer savvy. Will have a think.....

Will try and be as cool as possible. My defenses are a bit up now though as called to say he's working late - so I'm suspicious....

Also contacted a couple of PI's and the cost is quite a lot, not sure i could pay it especially if i want to put some money aside for Plan B

If you're using one that goes between the keyboard cable and the tower, you'll be fine with that. No way to detect that unless it is physically spotted. If the tower is in an out of the way spot there's little chance of that.

Just be sure you test operation of the computer (from the user acct you can access) to be sure everything works as it should. Gotta be sure the keyboard functions after installation or it will be spotted.

Yes, it is telling that a man who just faced the ruination of his marriage and family would choose to "work late" the very next evening.

Do you want him to "work late"?

If not, call him back and tell him that he needs to come home.

But if you do not pay it, then this can drag on for days and days. Your health and your baby's health cannot afford that.

I totally hear you on wanting to do your own work. I was the same. But I got LUCKY and saw it with my own eyes! Even at THAT, my H lied straight to my face.

You are not dealing with a naive or stupid wayward here. He has gaslighted you successfully for years already, and you are going to have to stop it in its tracks if there is to be hope for recovery.

Did you email Dr Harley?

Agree. I think the PI is worth the $$ in this case.

His "working late" and phone still being password locked = affair is still ON. A PI could probably get the goods on who this OW is which you will need to expose this successfully.

Great, thanks for that

Had a long talk, when he came home, he was very down and depressed, admitted not wanting to come home and face everything.

Hi, I missed this yesterday for some reason, will do today, thanks

I do agree with it's just tricky taking that much funds out of joint account without an explanation.it would easier to do it in bits.

The hardest part about this whole thing is fully expecting WH to beg forgiveness (which he has) and calling OW immediately to end everything. I just sense he feels really bad, he wants to let her down gently but it enrages me. I have made what is a reasonable demand but I probably did cross over into badgering as I told him to call her NOW. I have made it clear it needs to be done without offering her any glimmer of hope. He is struggling with shame, letting everybody down, being a liar etc and I guess the idea of having to go through what he has gone through with me again with her is overwhelming him but hey, that's the price you pay for making bad choices.

Here is what Dr. Harley says about going no contact: "How should an unfaithful spouse tell his lover that their relationship is over? If left to their own devices, many would take a Caribbean cruise to say their final good-byes. Obviously, that will not do. In fact, I recommend that the final good-bye be in the form of a letter, and not in person or even by telephone."

(the red is my emphasis) You can read this whole response HERE

Good for you for demanding that he do it NOW. Nothing wrong with that at all. And no need to badger. He either goes no contact immediately, or he leaves.

ALSO he needs to immediately hand you his phone with his password so that you can see it. He has no doubt already deleted evidence, but if it happens to be an apple phone, you can still plug it into the computer and back it up and thus be able to see his deleted messages with the (free) software by decipher textmessage.

Has he given you his password for his computer?

Has he given you the latest other woman's name? How did they meet? How were they able to carry on the affair?

No contact for life means�.well�it means no contact. It doesn't mean "after he gets a final goodbye". It means�starting now.

Here is an example of what he needs to HAND write to his girlfriend. Then YOU need to take it for posting so that you are certain that it got sent. THIS is the proper way to go no contact for life.

This is taken from the Exposure 101 thread:

[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

The letter of No Contact above, highlighted in red, should be his final communication with skanky. It's all about the hurt and betrayal he brought to YOU and nothing about skanky. And that's the way it SHOULD be.

It will be interesting if he actually writes the NC Letter and then you will send it to OW and then you will have the name and can look up her BH's name.

You're missing an important step and that is to expose. Have you exposed on your WH's side?

You need to find out who these OWs are.

He wants to let her down easy? This affair sounds very much ON to me.

Did you do a reverse search on the phone number to verify the name of the OW? There is even an app for that.

Is his phone still password locked?

I am concerned the steps are getting a little messy here. You really need spyware in place and name of OW before you expose, IMO.

I don't think demanding a NCL when his phone is still password locked and hasn't even given you the name of the OW is a good idea either.

Just my 2 cents.

She's in the UK and says there are laws against some of the things we recommend.

I've been pushing for her to find these OW's names and BH. I agree with you that she needs to find the OW. I agree with SQ, this should be your priority.

SP12,

You need to put all your energy into finding out whom these OW are and then prepare for Plan B if he will not end his affairs.

I wonder if the "family" he was having dinners with could be his kids? Your WH has been doing this for awhile and may have fathered others.

Will you find out who these OW are by hiring a PI? He will get the goods.

You have her phone number, correct?

Did you search by phone number? Do a Google search of her number? Do a reverse phone lookup?