If you feel that I am incorrect, you can email Dr.. Harley directly at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com or notify the mods. They will remove incorrect MB advice.

The fact of the matter is, Dr. Harley speaks nearly daily about this on his Radio Show and has discussed this in great detail in his book, Buyers Renters Freeloaders.

A piece of paper for GOD sake means no more then the feeling " Til death do us part" You can give me stats and percentages, but the fact of the matter is it only takes ONE either in a marriage or not. An abuser does not become GOOD cause he is married, A cheater does not become faithful if he is married. A person who has cancer does not get better cause of marriage. PEOPLE are who they are if they are married or not. A commitment does not need paper, a ring, or a house or children. A lot of people stay married cause they dont want to deal with the crap of a divorce and they live unhappy til death do they part.

I did not get on here cause of this conversation, and the fact that we are not married does not HELP his NPD, I read so many books and that was NOT A CURE.

If you are not familiar with Narcissism or PD, I honestly dont think your advice on being married or not will be helpful. I created this post for people who are familiar with NPD.

But....the facts don't back up your position. Facts are facts. Living together curses relationships. The fact that you view such a commitment as nothing more than a "piece of paper" is another demonstration of why these relationships are fragile. If you don't take your relationship seriously enough to get married, I don't know why you would expect us to take it any more seriously than you.

Living together is no more serious than dating. Dating is a job interview for marriage. When the candidate flunks the interview it is time to move onto the next candidate.

If your partner has been diagnosed with NPD or BPD you have experienced the good part of the relationship. To stay you must become addicted to DRAMA and brace yourself for a wild ride.

The posters here are trying to indicate your relationship has cracks in the foundation. The belief held by Marriage Builders is in order to have a successful relationship it must be a committed relationship. Marriage is the tangible demonstration of commitment. This is not plucked out of the air but based on empirical evidence and experience dealing with relationships by Dr. Harley.

In closing you are in for a rough ride. There are discussion boards out there dealing specifically with NPD and BPD. It is not impossible to maintain a relationship but it is not easy. I would not even classify it as fun. You have some work to do on yourself to figure out why you are attracted to this type of person. In my estimation this relationship is a ticking time bomb.

Good luck

A lot of us are very familiar with Dr. Harley's advice and positions about NPD and about living together. The whole point of the board is to discuss and learn that advice. Dr. Harley is a clinical psychologist with over forty years of marriage experience and also many years of experience operating and supervising a large chain of mental health clinics in Minnesota treating a wide variety of conditions and disorders.

Please read.
Living Together Before Marriage:Compatibility Test or Curse?