Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 101 of 108 1 2 99 100 101 102 103 107 108
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Originally Posted By: LearnedTooLate
How did things pan out last night?

Did she stay overnight as she originally requested to do?

Will you still follow through with taking that short vacation even if she does not go with?

LTL


It turned out better than I thought. I don't think I will. I probably should go somewhere just to get her thinking. I just posted above on last nights event.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
WD sounds like a good night, odd to say, i remember feeling the difference in my husband when he was starting to move back into our marriage, there was a definite difference in touch and look about him. I remember thinking to myself here is a man that says he wants out and he is touching me like he is in love with me and it's odd to say I felt we were becoming best friends again..or for the first time it was strange how safe he was finally feeling in our relationship.
He was all over the place too for a long while..
Just tell her the trip was to be with her and that you will wait for another time to plan it together go where she would like, that you would like that to be a part of your new life together

Hope today goes well Remember each day could be different..you are making head way my friend.


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,650
Do you listen to the radio show daily? I've heard Dr. Harley say numerous times that waywards are constantly depressed about their affairs. Especially if the AP isn't available so they can get their "fix". Good job on how you handled it. Keep in mind that you are rolling the rice having sex with her. Get tested and use protection, who knows how many "friends" POSOM has.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Great job!! You did super well. hurray You did so good by changing the subject when she brought up foggy thinking about exposure, etc.

I wonder what is going on in affair land? think Did she and POSOM have a fight? I would expect her to go back and forth for awhile as she withdraws from him.

Another thing you should be thinking about long term is moving away. You do realize that working and living close to the OM will be a disaster? Have you given any thought to moving?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
Yes, TD is correct about the risks you are taking with the STDs. My experience is that affair partners are both lying to each other about with whom they are having sex, but initially might think there is honor among thieves.

You really handled everything very well. I am sure that the evening gave your spirits a needed lift. As JT said, every day may be different as she becomes more and more conflicted. Do not take anything too personally yet, certainly not any negativity that might come your way.


D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Originally Posted By: FooledMeTwice
Yes, TD is correct about the risks you are taking with the STDs. My experience is that affair partners are both lying to each other about with whom they are having sex, but initially might think there is honor among thieves.

You really handled everything very well. I am sure that the evening gave your spirits a needed lift. As JT said, every day may be different as she becomes more and more conflicted. Do not take anything too personally yet, certainly not any negativity that might come your way.


My attorney just called telling me she received a motion to order the house up for sale and to pay 2000 for her court cost. I told my lawyer what happened last night and she said so there is reconciliation. I said no but she is reconsidering. She said we need to tell her attorney asap about this. I said no don't say anything and delay to answer the petition. The court dat is set for April 28...She will answer order next week. These lawyers want to run there mouths...

I do have to say she was defiantly looking and touching me differently, more with love. The kissing wad huge to me. The I miss you, everything about it was with more passion.

I made her grilled chicken salad for lunch today. I was going to make it this morning she said no. So I made it and dropped it off with the reception. She sent me thank you for the lunch.

When we stared into each others eyes this morning. I seen a difference in her. She hugged me and said she missed me.

I Have to get the motioned stopped the motion also said to stop all the following,spying and any GPS. whatever. OM such a scumbag.

I was looking at the PPO order by the judge. I can be in his sight and follow. I can have my gun. Judge also removed killing or harming. What coward. What does my WW see in him.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 606
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 606
WD,

Be cautious...could be your WW was feeling guilty knowing she was in the process of trying to throw you out of the house....

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Great job!! You did super well. hurray You did so good by changing the subject when she brought up foggy thinking about exposure, etc.

I wonder what is going on in affair land? think Did she and POSOM have a fight? I would expect her to go back and forth for awhile as she withdraws from him.

Another thing you should be thinking about long term is moving away. You do realize that working and living close to the OM will be a disaster? Have you given any thought to moving?



I know about moving and I know about her leaving that job, she's talking about getting a tummy tuck, She asked me about it today. I said it's your decision and I'm not a fan of all this cosmetic stuff. She said why do you worry about the surgery. I said yes and your a beautiful women. She said I know it's vein and it's hard being a women today. She has huge self esteem issues. She said well I don't know and it wouldn't be until July.

I see a lot of positive stuff here. I just so much more to do.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted By: wifedivorcing
[My attorney just called telling me she received a motion to order the house up for sale and to pay 2000 for her court cost. I told my lawyer what happened last night and she said so there is reconciliation. I said no but she is reconsidering. She said we need to tell her attorney asap about this. I said no don't say anything and delay to answer the petition. The court dat is set for April 28...She will answer order next week. These lawyers want to run there mouths...


Can the lawyer get this dismissed? Since this is the home of you and your daughter, can't she keep you in the home? Can her response be that you plan on keeping the home?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Originally Posted By: Brits_Brat
WD,

Be cautious...could be your WW was feeling guilty knowing she was in the process of trying to throw you out of the house....



It's not a motion to throw me out to put it up for sale. She seems to be really reconsidering all of this. I am cautious about everything. She asked me a bout ppo and what was going on. I just it's being taken care of. She said I know you don't trust me and won't say anything. I just left it at that. She was right. So I'm cautious.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
WD,
Nice job last night! I think you made a breakthrough with the passionate, movie kisses. When my wife and I reconciled "the kiss" was the turning point.

I agree with JT. Hold off on the trip, and keep the thought of it simmering on the front burner for WW to see.

You have done something that is rare: you've made serious love deposits early in your wife's affair. Kudos to you, brother.

I do have one 2x4 for you though: "Turn the Page" is not Bob's best song. The American anthem "Night Moves" is his best song, and "Against the Wind" is a close second.

Should have know you were Seger fan living in MI.


Last edited by Justthe3ofus; 04/18/14 12:03 PM.
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 900
WD:
Factoid about long kisses: For women, at some point in a long kiss, oxytocin is released into the brain. Oxytocin is the hormone which produces feelings of personal connectedness and sexual excitement (as well as maternal bonding, lactation response, lots of other good things.) I learned this from Dr. Harley (the TRUE love guru!)

The fact that your WW ALLOWED you to engage in long kisses is a great sign (speaks to her willingness.) Then the actual long kisses themselves would trigger oxytocin release.

Just another fun factoid for your arsenal!


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I notice yesterday started off rough, but changed drastically as the night progressed, I can't have any expectations. I only see and observe how everything was different last night than any of the other nights or interactions. even the SF was different, more passion. The kissing is huge I was just thinking about it the day for and it was a goal to reach. Kissing is very intimate getting close to a person. Our kissing last night was extremely passionate and she even said it's been a long time. I had no expectations of SF. I just wanted to kiss her, she was the one intiating it. it was defiently a different experience.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Originally Posted By: Justthe3ofus
WD,
Nice job last night! I think you made a breakthrough with the passionate, movie kisses. When my wife and I reconciled "the kiss" was the turning point.

I agree with JT. Hold off on the trip, and keep the thought of it simmering on the front burner for WW to see.

You have done something that is rare: you've made serious love deposits early in your wife's affair. Kudos to you, brother.

I do have one 2x4 for you though: "Turn the Page" is not Bob's best song. The American anthem "Night Moves" is his best song, and "Against the Wind" is a close second.

Should have know you were Seger fan living in MI.



So you think so. I definitely believe turn the page is. I do like night moves..


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Serious update. My wife just called me saying if we are going to work on this marriage we have to be open and honest with one another about everything.

I told her the first thing is no contact with posom. I told her a letter has to be written. I also told her she has to quit her job. Obvious there is some resistance. She said what say does she get. I want her to read the book.

She also said she wants to get it all in the open at once. She said she is afraid I will throw things back in her face. I told her we will have to discuss this.

I told her this is not going to happen overnight. I told her what happens when he continues to try and contact you , she said he isn't. I told he is and is going to. I never told her I seen him calling last night. She also.said he didn't know she was married. She said there is a lot I don't know etc...


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
this is good news now the tough part starts.
you will also go through some different emotions when you let your guard down.
I would sit here down and let her tell her version of what happened how long and what she was thinking and then tell her you need to know what you need to know, and then when everything is on the table you let it go and start working on Dr. Harley's plandon't cut corners or you will end up in the same boat down the road.
Start your list of requirements, if she is serious she will do whatever it takes because the marriage is the most important thing in her life above a job, friends everything.
Don't throw anything in her face that would be counter productive to her opening up she will clam up if you do and not feel safe.
she is right the relationship has to open and honest and everything is decided together after the affair is dealt with in the right way.
My guess is she was the pursuer my husband was too, that hurt ..
Time to know it all
This is good news WD Melody Lane can walk you through each step to get it right.


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
WD, be careful and take this slow. It might be a ruse to get you to show your spy resources. They might be trying to find out how you know what you do and exactly what you do know. You should NEVER divulge your spy resources even if she does drop the divorce. But you should certainly never divulge anything as long as there are several legal cases pending against you.

When she talks about "honesty" ask her if she is willing to end her affair and DROP THE DIVORCE. Otherwise she is just talking crap.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Only pay attention to her actions still, and not her words, although it is a very small step in the right direction.

Be Very prepared for her to waffle on her choices and words.

You KNOW she is still in contact with the POSOM.

Good job on your responses to her baiting questions.

She should drop the divorce if she is talking reconciliation.

LTL

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Originally Posted By: LearnedTooLate
Only pay attention to her actions still, and not her words, although it is a very small step in the right direction.

Be Very prepared for her to waffle on her choices and words.

You KNOW she is still in contact with the POSOM.

Good job on your responses to her baiting questions.

She should drop the divorce if she is talking reconciliation.

LTL


I agree on dropping the divorce first. Then we can start laying the cards out. I will never reveal my sources on finding out. I thought about what Mel, it could be a ruse. Her actions are defiently louder than her words. She held my hand at the store. She even kissed me while in the store. I'm defiently still nervous about all of this. First things first. I ftold her let's just enjoy each others company for now. I need her to call her lawyer and have this divorce dropped. I know it's going to be rough. I just want her not trying to dictate it.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I only want to start this process when my attorney calls me and tells me she dropped the divorce. For this weekend it's status quo, and I'm just going to enjoy it.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Page 101 of 108 1 2 99 100 101 102 103 107 108

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (2 invisible), 26 guests, and 60 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mwid, Shepherd, alg, Pelican89, SRL
71,672 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,526
Posts2,322,549
Members71,673
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5