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WD,
On the weekend of the Resurrection, it looks like your marriage is being resurrected. God is good! Certainly, to borrow from Frost, you have miles to go before you sleep, but the events of this weekend are so very encouraging.

First of all, yes, read Surviving An Affair. Then read love busters and His Needs, Her Needs. You both can learn the program together. In doing so she will see that your changes are based on a foundation of bedrock.

Secondly, do every step that Brainy listed from SAA. Transparency and honesty will be so important to the recovery process.

Your wife has done many things that give me hope. Her response while you were incarcerated. Her responses to your romantic overtures. The kisses on Thursday. And her remorse last night. How huge that is.

Tonight you church will have an Easter Vigil Mass. At that Mass there will be fire lit outside the church and the Paschal Candle will be lit from it. This candle represents the light of Christ. Every parishioner will light a small candle from the candle Paschal Candle. The symbolism of light in our lives is powerful. Parishioners will welcome in new members who receive the Sacraments, and all parishioners will renew their baptism. Tonight this light and theme of renewal are so applicable to what is happening with God and you and your wife. The beautiful resurrection of your marriage can begin as we celebrate Christs redeeming resurrection.

God bless you both!

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Originally Posted By: mrEureka
Just don't use this as an opportunity for love busting. Don't lecture, rather, make it an experience of mutual discovery.



Great advise and sometimes difficult for me to follow. But you appear to be doing everything right in your avoidance of love busters with a WS. Keep it up and continue to avoid LBs and increase those deposits.


I am cautiously optimistic for you. What a significant weekend to see your new marriage begin to rise up out of the ashes. I'll be watching for the good news from your attorney about the canceled D proceedings.


D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012

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What an act of love and service you have given WW by your steadfastness over the past several weeks. Bravo!

I suggest asking for your wives help in reestablishing good relations with your SS. This gives her an opportunity to reevaluate her influence on how he perceives you. She will like hearing you ask for her suggestions regarding your approach to SS. Enlist her as a partner in this.


Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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This is all good news, but remember that waywards often feel remorse around Holidays and then go back to the affair.

Just keep that in mind.

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Oh WD....I've been following your thread and am crying so hard with happiness for you. Best wishes and best of luck and big hugs to you and your family. I pray with everything in me that she continues on the positive path.


BW-27
FWH-31
DS-6
Married several years
D-Day- 11/22/13
Plan A+Exposure
NC+Beginning of Recovery-04/2014

In Recovery and happier and more in love than ever
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Hi WD, Just a wish to you for a happy Easter, as it sounds like you are having. Your situation seems to have calmed for you, which is good, but as you know stay vigilant as you progress.

Justthe3 - Yes, I respect and honor the triduum, and obviously, commemoration and celebration of his passion, death and resurrection! Attended Mass of the Lord's Supper Thursday eve, but could not attend Friday service or Sat. Vigil Mass due to commitments. Just, I realize your own personal experience in the Holy Week that you mentioned. However, we are all, you, me, WD, Melody, Dr. Harley, Jedi, the moderators here, members of our families, and the billions of people who live today who none of us even know, are all members of the Body of Christ. We all encounter him, but in different ways. But, I believe that in every personal encounter with him, he assures us of his mercy, which I believe was the reason for his passion and death for us. Hence, Divine Mercy Sunday for me, ranks right up there with Easter.

WD, sorry to hijack your story, but I needed to express this. It sounds like you are exercising mercy and vigilance, but not judgment for your ww, which is good.

Tom







Last edited by Tom2010; 04/20/14 08:34 PM.
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To all on MB. I want to Thank You. I know we have a huge an long road a head of us. My wife has agreed to chang her phone number, writing the no contact for life letter. She is stopping the divorce, She will be testifying at my ppo hearing in my behalf. She has told me that she understands the no contact and the reason behind it. She is looking for a new job.

My wife came to my mother's house with SS. She was nervous and so was SS. Once everyone gave her a hug and SS a hug I could see her feeling a little more relaxed. My family has been behind me 100%. They weren't happy when I was hospitalized, which is understandable. I know as the evening progressed they both fit right back in. My mother who usually is tough as nails called me in private and said I hope her coming today shows that we still love her and she sees that we do with everyone's interactions. We were playi.g Wii all together and we were giving eachother hugs goofing around and I gave SS one and he hugged me back.

my wife has been showing me a lot of remorse and telling me she is sorry, crying in my arms. She has been giving me a ton of emotional needs. She has told me several times on how she is so glad I fought for her and how I never gave up on her. She has told me the man I have become is amazing and she said she is scared still and wants me like this forever. I understand her feelings.

someone had told me here on MB that your wife will not remember any of the stuff she had told me. I had said something to her she told me during the fog and she said I never said that. I just ok. It kind of made me laugh inside.

Our son is truly happy that he is home. I can see it in him. My wife told me the he thinks I hate him. I told him yesterday when he came home from my mother's, that I missed him very much and that I missed his goofy noises and silly things he does.. I also told him that I love him very much.

My wife and I have been reading Surviving An Affair together. She said she wants to lay it all out and then move forward. We both have deactt our FB accounts. I told her that I will be transparent also. This works both ways. I will check in later on. I'm amazed I have 35000 views. Unreal. There are a lot of people in the same boat. Don't give up faith, give it to God and listen to these vets on MB!


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I am so glad and proud for the both of you and your entire family.

Make your EP list in writing and post them for the vets to advise if others need to be added and regarding a quick timeframe for her to leave her current job.

That's all for now. Except, don't get lazy about posting now. I hear that Recovery is sometimes harder than breaking up the affair.

LTL

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Remember your in plan a. She has agreed to the conditions of recovery, but until they actually are met. Please dont take a hiatus.

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Good for you all!!!

Keep with the plan and best of luck!


D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012

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Happy, happy, happy! laugh

Do you know how the no letter should be executed?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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couldn't be happier for both of you well all 4 of you.
a beautiful end to a bad decision.


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
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Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Happy, happy, happy! laugh

Do you know how the no letter should be executed?


I meant no CONTACT letter.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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WD,
Brought tears to my eyes. When a wife goes into withdrawal it takes moving heaven and earth to get her back. You not only decimated the affair, but you never waned in giving love bank deposits and you won her back. There is so much to be learned by your approach. We will be referring spouses to this thread for a long time I think.

After you finish SAA, be sure to read His Needs/Her Needs and Love Busters. The comprehensive plan presented in both will help her to see that your change is based on a new outlook on marriage.

You will need to also read the writing that Dr. Harley does on blended families.

Read these two links by Dr. Harley about them:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008_qa.html

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5008b_qa.html


God is good!

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Happy for you, WD!


Me: BW, 36; WH: 37
Married 14 years
DD: 4yr, DS: 8 month
DD: 11/24/2013
Plan A (not properly done) since DD. Exposure to OW's friend and work on 03/25/2014. Lots of LBs.
Plan B (w/ MIL lives w/ me): started 4/4/2014. Exposed WH to most of our friends in early 05/2014.
Plan A before moving to CA as suggested by Dr Harley started 6/8/14.
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Bravo!


Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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Originally Posted By: ItCanGetBetter
Bravo!


Ditto!
Don't quit MB now, please call the Harley's and/or join the MB program for counseling at this VERY sensitive time in your marriage so you and wife can move forward and have the best marriage ever.

If you can invest in counseling with the Harley's it will come back to you 10 fold. See if you can get your wife on board with this.

God is with you! Congratulations!!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Last edited by Miss M; 04/22/14 01:12 AM.

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Of course this isn't easy as I'm finding out. My wife gets angry when I tell her about being transparent. She gave me her password to her cell phone and of course there was a 27min phone call to OM on Easter day. I asked her on Easter if there was any contact and she said just a text happy Easter it said.

How do I handle this?

She has read a lot on Surviving an Affair and she said it's over the top and her life is going to be controlled and looked at by a microscope. She thinks she is the exception to the book and how waywards are.

I just don't know how to handle it. We are having great time together but anytime the EP are mentioned she gets angry and blames.me. I told her I know she is angry however Im not the one responsible for her being humiliated nor am a I'm responsible for her reputation being looked at.

I don't want to love bust. She throws that in my face now, you're love busting by talking about it. I'm not throwing the affair.in her face at all. She is the one COMPLAINING about EP.

The positive is she gave me her cell password.
She now back and forth about the nc letter. It's like I have to go by her steps. She said you want all this done in one day, I said yes so we can move forward and protect our marriage for the future.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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My wife left and then came back at Christmas time (as many waywards do during Holidays).

She also waffled on the NC letter and wanted to write her own version, which was basically a love letter.

Dr. Harley is very clear that the No Contact is the FIRST step towards marital recovery.
What I think may be happening is that she and the OM have been fighting and that is why she is going back and forth.
A 27 minute phone call means the affair is still ongoing.

In recovery, you MUST be in the drivers seat.
The program must be adhered to strictly, Dr. Harley warns that even the slightest deviation from his program can result in disaster.

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Did she cancel the divorce with her attorney Monday?

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