I have a husband that is emotionally there for me. He wants to be around me all the time, I mean all the time. Ok, I get it. He loves me. However, when all of that is over real life still happens. I married my husband thinking that he knew how to handle being the head of the household. That means making sound decisions and planning for our future. I have watched my husband fumble around in the dark and I would ask what are you doing. I would offer my help in the areas he wasn't strong in. He rejected them. He has made financial decisions that has put the family in extreme debt. I lost the car that I came into the marriage with because he could not keep up with the car payments. I lost my job and unemployment benefits over the last few years and advised him to sit with me so we can come up with a plan if I was going to continue to stay home. He would not. He refused. Nothing has been stable since. It is embarrassing for my family to have to ask me if I have enough food to eat. On top of all this I am expecting. My husband has expressed to me that he did not learn how to be a husband for certain family reasons. Yet, he refused to allow me to be a help to him, until he couldn't fix the mess that he got us in. I am angry and disappointed. This 4 year issue has hurt my intimacy with my husband and our friendship. I love my husband. I am committed to him. However, I cannot continue to go on being close with him when these issues are not being handled.

I was asked what I wanted in a man because he felt like I was not attracted to him anymore. All I want is stability. I don't want to feel like I have to be the grown up. Frankly, my husband is not mature, even down to hygiene. He once told me that I had to remind him to take care of his hygiene. I said I am not responsible for that. Anyway, how do you handle being married to someone that is not mature in the simple things of life?

I have to say I was alarmed to hear someone describing their spouse as immature. I really hope you don't say that kind of thing to him out loud do you? That kind of harsh criticism is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Few men who believed this about themselves would succeed in life.

I've heard many women describe their Hs as such.

Sure, and there are people I would describe as immature.

Certainly not a spouse though, not after coming here to MB. One of the key parts of the program is to avoid 'diagnosing' your spouse's traits with disrespectful judgements. Let's remember that even truthful things can be disrespectful. Instead of diagnosing traits, you should specify what behaviours you dislike, ask for change, phrasing it as your concern not their bad trait that needs fixing by clever old you. However truthful or however superior you feel your reasoning is, it is not a reason for disrespect.

I'm not sure whether that's happening here (i.e. that she has said this out loud) but honestly I would avoid diagnosing him at all. Once you get an idea that someone is inferior fixed in your head, it shows. It is simply not helpful. Her problems are how to respectfully ask him whether he will do A or B and what her response should be if he does not. Her job does not involve diagnosing a cause as to why he does not, she is not his shrink. All she can do is request and respond.

I would describe my ex as immature too, but that's because it doesn't matter how I speak about him while he is on the other side of the world and I am no longer responsible for dealing respectfully with him!



See the OP is anonymous, what you describe is far worse. I would feel very sorry for someone whose spouse behaved like this. Bad mouthing your spouse publicly is not likely to be a PoJA'd, RH behaviour. It is downright ugly.