I can't think of anything else. I scanned over your first post and you answered some of the other biggies.

Oh my God my wife and I have done this so often. It wasn't until I saw Ouch? No, no, let me explain that I understood.

It was like the clouds opened up and a rock fell on my head. I suddenly realized I was horrific to my wife when I did this, even though I thought it was just a misunderstanding.

It could be that he has a deep emotional need for something he's afraid to talk to you about for fear of rejection - or fear of NOT being rejected. Or it could be that he's just not easily aroused anymore - I know I'm only 30 and unless my wife really works to turn me on, I'm just not interested. Not averse, just not ready at the drop of a bra strap. But I'm not longing for someone else, not in the least.

I disagree with the person that said you should set aside the Emotional Needs for now, and work on Love Busters. If he's got unmet ENs, he HAS no incentive to improve his LBs, other than sacrificing for you, and that's not a Buyer habit. On the other hand, you shouldn't be expected to make all the effort either.

Find out the ONE thing that fills his love bank the most. Then make an agreement to make that your top priority if he will make an effort in some area for you - something you can both be excited about. It may not be what you think, though! My wife temporarily left me because she was convinced she could never meet my EN for Physical Attractiveness, even though that's not my top need. Unfortunately, she was lacking in four out of five of my top ENs, and my constant nagging only made it worse. I was critical, much like you say your husband is, and I honestly thought I was saying essentially, "That's a good idea, but what about these problems?" or "This is good (work, food, art), but here is something you could do to improve." This doesn't mean he shouldn't voice his opinion, only that he needs to direct his thoughts in a way that builds you up instead of breaking you down.

Find a way to make him see that, if nobody has an EN for yard work, it's not a priority at all. That falls under Domestic Support, by the way. It might be easier for him to look at the Emotional Needs as an all-or-nothing situation, I know that's how I had to discover some of my highest. What ONE thing is most fulfilling to him? Affection? Honesty? Probably not sex. Conversation? Recreational Companionship? Physical Attraction? Financial Support? Admiration? Family Support? Domestic Support? (As I said, it's hard to arouse me, but Sexual Fulfillment is one of my top 5 needs, so don't take his aversion to mean it's low on his list, he could be masking his feelings or otherwise unfulfilled. In my case, I'm the one in the relationship that needs significant foreplay and she's ready much of the time.)

But in the end, a marriage takes (at least) two people committed to making it work. Work on the LBs but he needs to see you love him by way of his deepest needs.

Emotional needs are not a tool to be used to give incentive to your spouse to stop abuse.

Dr. Harley often has couples work on Lovebusters first. It does no good to be concentrating your efforts depositing hundreds of love units when you are withdrawing thousands.

Here's a recent post in Dr Harley's private forum (available to those who have done the online course), to a husband who feels his ENs are not being met. Meanwhile, his wife is demoralised by his LBs and has no incentive to meet his ENs. This post supports Prisca's advice:

New posters need to be careful about dispensing advice. There is a lot that can be learned from the free resources on this site, but listening daily to the radio programme gives a great deal more insight, as does reading Dr Harley's replies in the private forum to specific problems.

That is not how it works. Dr. Harley recommends addressing the lovebusters FIRST because they will not be able to effectively meet each other's EN's as long as there are lovebusters. Lovebusters represent a huge hole in the love bank, so that any love bank deposits simply drain out of the bottom.

Eliminating abusive behavior is not a sacrifice. Sacrifice involves doing something - not doing something is not a sacrifice. Especially abusive behavior!