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Follow the MB program. Eliminate Love Busters. Implement POJA so that you only do things when both of you are enthusiastic.
My suggestion for first thing to POJA? You getting a dog. The dog will provide the Affection you are missing while you work on improving your marriage to the point where your wife is enthusiastic about meeting your need herself. Good luck.
When you can see it coming, duck!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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My suggestion for first thing to POJA? You getting a dog. The dog will provide the Affection you are missing while you work on improving your marriage to the point where your wife is enthusiastic about meeting your need herself. Good luck. I don't understand how a dog will meet his needs in his marriage? The entire purpose of meeting needs is to create romantic love, not to meet some basic need like air or water. He is not attempting to create a romantic relationship with a dog.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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He is not attempting to create a romantic relationship with a dog. However, if he uses a dog to meet an emotional need he might end up creating one.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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He is not attempting to create a romantic relationship with a dog. However, if he uses a dog to meet an emotional need he might end up creating one. I thought that was only sheep??
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2008
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Apparently it can be anything. There are people who claim to have married the Eiffel Tower, in Paris. They claim to be romantically involved with the Eiffel Tower itself.
Did you ever see The Simpsons Movie? Homer became awfully fond of his pig...
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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The Eiffel Tower can meet your need for conversation. It has been known to be riveting.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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My wife has always been a very cold, non-touching, non-affectionate, non-romantic woman. Minus the romantic part, is she non-touching/non-affectionate with the children and others?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Horses!!! Especially if they look like Sarah Jessica Parker lol http://news.yahoo.com/bestiality-crimes-america-233736760.html
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I don't think I would say his wife doesn't love him. I have a friend who loves her husband dearly, she just isn't affectionate - period.
BW 54 (me)
RH 55
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I have sympathy for your problem. I am in the same boat. It is hard for sensitive people to live with dominants because our emotions get trampled easily. Will your wife let you cuddle when you go to bed? Maybe give her a backup to set a mood? The tough part is when you do everything you can think of and no result comes of it.
I wish I had advice for you that would work.
BW 54 (me)
RH 55
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I have sympathy for your problem. I am in the same boat. It is hard for sensitive people to live with dominants because our emotions get trampled easily. Will your wife let you cuddle when you go to bed? Maybe give her a backup to set a mood? The tough part is when you do everything you can think of and no result comes of it.
I wish I had advice for you that would work. lh2, don't worry - we do have advice for him here that will work. According to Dr. Harley, in almost any marriage if a husband will commit to meeting his wife's emotional needs, protecting her from the worst in himself (demands, disrespect, and anger), abstaining from independent behavior, etc., he will eventually be irreplaceable to her - his account in her love bank will be so full that her emotions will help motivate her to want to meet his emotional needs. It's unfortunately not so cut and dry when the problem is a woman whose husband is not on board. Sometimes those situations have to go to a separation before a husband will finally start giving his wife the care and protection she needs. But for this kind of case, where the husband is on board with the program and the wife seems reluctant at first, the husband will typically have success if he is persistent over time, according to Dr. Harley. It worked in my experience!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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