Hi Indie

Thanks for responding. The drop off was his idea. He used to pick up son from my place. He wasn't allowed to come to my door (OW wouldn't let him hence her being on the phone to check). I would send our son out the front and I would stay inside.

But then WH told me he wanted to annoy OW and change the drop off to the local McDonalds carpark. He said this would annoy her to no end, her knowing that I was in the same vicinity as him. It was his way to try and make her angry and somehow leave him.

I don't have anyone who can drop my son off at McDonalds. None of my family or friends live close by or would be even willing. I try not to look at drop off I just let my boy walk to his car and then leave. It takes a lot of will power. I'm not tempted to go to his car or anything cause I know he is on the phone and wouldn't dare talk to me within ear shot of her.

Regarding the Plan B letter. I have already given him two. Then I ended up breaking the Plan B. I feel if I do another one he is not going to take me seriously because he knows I just keep coming back.

Should I just go completely dark and hope he gets the picture.

The funny thing about me trying to do Plan B is whenever I try and do it he always says he respects my decision and doesn't contact me. He says he doesn't contact me because he feels it is best for him to stay away so I can heal.

It's always me breaking it. He seems to just accept whatever I do.

I want to do this so bad.

Hi Brainhurts

I do want to do this. If there's any slim chance of saving my marriage I want to do this.

The problem with me is that no matter the hurt I am going through, I always feel bad like I am hurting HIM. I start feeling guilty to him. Stupid but true.

Hi Jedi

I've never heard of those sites. I don't know if OW or anyone would ever read that as we are in Australia and don't think they are well known here?

The only proof I have is that they are living together for 2 years and his whole family know about it and accept it.

Indie:

Yes it's been going on for 2 years him living with her. Probably even longer as he dated her for about a year before he moved her in.

Does that leave any hope for us since it's been so long?

In two years I would love to see myself fully recovered with my WH and having my son smile again to have his mummy and daddy back together. I want to be living a MB marriage and following the program and having a better marriage than before.

I know it would have probably been over by now if I had done the right things.

Should I get counsel from Steve Harley?

p.s Indie about sending OW the NC letter. I feel if I do this she will tell my WH's family again that he has been in contact with me. I know what his family is like and they will put the pressure on him to divorce me again. They love OW and will do anything to come between us. She will put the pressure on too and knowing my WH is not strong he will give in and he will do it.

I will definately end up divorced if I send her a copy. She is controlling and will push it.

That's the only thing keeping me going at the moment is knowing that we are not divorced.

I just thought of something. Maybe WH really does love her. Maybe he just doesn't want to tell me the truth and hurt me. Maybe that's why he keeps making me false promises.

But the look in his eyes tells me something different.

It's hard to believe anything he says anymore.

Hon you have NOTHING to lose by giving this your all. I think, truly, without you propping this up they are on the brink of splitting up and then he is as in putty in your hands. But even if that doesn't happen, we can definitely rescue YOU from this sick triangle.

Are you in?

All this business where 'he' sets up the Plan B conditions is ludicrous. YOU are the BS!!! YOU drive this bus. You won't be taken seriously until YOU decide this is YOUR plan.

You don't need to send him a full blown Plan B letter if you have sent one in the past. Just choose an IM and send a quick note to him.

Dear WS,

Our chats about reuniting and being together again are too painful for me while you remain in your A. I have nominated my friend xxx on xx@xmail.com to act as intermediary between us until you agree to end your affair with this other woman. Visitation with DS will be on xday and xday at x time. You will come to the house and he will leave when he sees your car. Meeting you in McDonalds car park is too painful and is not going to happen any more. Any questions should be directed to xx. Any attempts to reach me in other ways will be blocked.

Regards, Rock. (and I would put 'regards' not love too. He doesn't deserve it after all his shilly-shallying) Send a copy to OW.

Will he take your Plan B letter seriously? Of course not! No WS has ever taken a Plan B letter seriously in the history of time, so that makes no difference.

The only way to be taken seriously is to STAY DARK. OVER TIME. LOTS OF TIME.

Which you have never done.

But I don't give a tinker's cuss what he makes of it. Let him enjoy his misery without wonderful you. I want to get you out of this sick love triangle for your poor son's sake before he ends up with them full time.



Are you kidding?!!

That is quite a lot of proof....

He's a proven liar and cheat. Don't believe anything he says!!!!

If she pressures him to file for divorce it will cause conflict in their relationship. He will feel defensive about YOU and that is what you want. If she attacks you, that harms their relationship, which is a good thing.

And if he does file for divorce and never recommits to your marriage, you will be better off. Being fearful about such things has greatly impeded your strategic thinking and you have inadvertently propped up the affair. Do you realize this? By hanging around and being available, you have given him the best of both worlds and actually DISCOURAGED him from leaving the OW. He would be crazy to give up that set up!!

Be more strategic, rocksolid!! You may not get your husband back, but there is a chance if you start being strategic instead of reactionary.

I would write that Plan B letter to him and send the OW a copy. In your PBL, you should state that you have been having sex all this time and that his repeated promises to break up with the OW have left you exhausted. Make sure she gets a copy too.

Also, make him start picking up your son at YOUR house. Make the OW insanely jealous. Have him pull in the driveway and send your son out to the car. Give him a cell phone so he can call when he is almost home.

Don't be so fearful, it is causing you to overlook opportunities. If he won't leave the OW, you are better off divorced.

Yes, he does love her. He probably loves you both which is why he strings you both along. She is the first stringer and you are the OPTION. How does it feel to be someone's option?

How does it feel to VOLUNTEER to be someone's option?

This is your nuclear weapon and you have never used it because you have been listening to his silly LYING fogbabble.

Scared of her finding out indeed!

Neak left her panties out for the OW to find.

OW was crazy jealous of neak and carped on CONSTANTLY about how her WH should divorce Neak. All she did was nag about Neak.

Was Neakie scared? Nope, she used the jealousy bullseye to turn OW into a nag.

Is Neak in a recovered marriage?

Edited for suggestions:


Dear WS,

Our chats about reuniting and being together again are too painful for me while you remain in your A.
To lie spent in the arms of my H after lovemaking is wonderful, but not when he returns to his mistress afterwards.
Your repeated promises to break up with your mistress and return to me and son, have left me exhausted.

I have nominated my friend xxx on xx@xmail.com to act as intermediary between us until you agree to end your affair with this other woman. Visitation with DS will be on xday and xday at x time. You will come to the house and he will leave when he sees your car. Meeting you in McDonalds car park is too painful and is not going to happen any more. Any questions should be directed to xx. Any attempts to reach me in other ways will be blocked.

Regards, Rock.

Changed my mind - make it 'Yours, Rock'


Because he has never made her his in law and never really can.

I'd also file for a D, because that takes the weapon out of his hands. File and tell the lawyer you don't want to finalise right away. That way he cannot file to appease her when she receives your bombshell.

OMG Indie and Melody thank you so much. I need to hear this.

I CAN do this. I do need to drive this bus. It has been him dictating the terms. And he's been doing it all to annoy her or appease her or whatever.

I've never liked the McDonalds Carpark drop off. I've often said to him why does he get to dictate all the rules just to make her happy.

So I will do the PLAN B Letter. (again).

I will find an IM. I have a couple of friends I can ask. I will think about who will be my best choice.

So with my plan B letter. Should I send to his house?

Or do I give WH his letter face to face?

I don't want to email cause he will then email back and I don't want to get into that.

Or do I email it and then delete my email so he can't reply?

I also want to mention in the Plan B letter that if there is an emergency regarding our son he can contact my IM and she will pass the message to me. Is this okay?

Thank you so much. I can do this.

So it's Mother's Day this weekend. It's my WH's weekend with my son but he said I can have my son on Mother's Day.

Do I somehow work this into the Plan B letter, saying something like 'On Mothers Day this Sunday you may drop DS to my house at 9am and pick him up again at the usual pick up time of 3pm.'

My WH knows I am going away overseas with our son in 7 weeks. I don't think he knows the actual dates but he knows around what time.

Should I offer this in my PB letter as to get it all out there?

Or should I have IM email him when it gets close and say something like:

Dear WH

Your wife and son are leaving for their trip on xxx. Your wife will need to have your son on your night that week as they are leaving for the airport early. They will return on xxx. Your wife will get your son to call you while they are away for your birthday. They will be returning on xxx and you may pick up your son at 3pm on this day that they return.

Regards
IM

Is that too much info?

Email it to him and then delete your email. Drive by his house when the OW is there and hand her her copy when he is not there.

On her copy of the Plan B letter put a sticky note that says: I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for that chance.


Fine.

Indie

How would H know if I have filed for D or not? When he originally served me with D papers they were just ones that he printed off the internet and signed.

Is it different in the UK where you can only do it through a lawyer?

From your experience here, if a BS does this, doesn't it just make the WS give up and think 'Oh she's filed. There's no point anymore'??

No, I wouldn't complicate this. Pick a time when you can deliver the letter to the OW and email him the PBL.


Your IM will handle all of this.

Yes I remember reading this just a few days ago. Neak is an inspiration. Don't know how I would leave some panties at his place though haha

But I get the point