I changed the letter up a bit to make it more of a love letter.

My Dearest _WH,

This is a very hard letter for me to write. I love you so much but our continued talks about reconciliation have left me exhausted. Your affair with OW has caused me so much pain that I find I must end all contact with you. I am willing to create a new marriage for both of us but I cannot do that until you end your affair once and for all.

Until your affair ends, and you are willing to follow a plan of reconciliation with me, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. Our friend, ________, has agreed to help make arrangements for you to see our children on schedule that is mutually convenient. If you want to communicate about the children or finances, it will have to be through her. Her email address is __________________. For emergencies you can call her cell phone @ _____________.

From now on DS can be picked up out front of my home. Please park directly out the front so DS can see when you have arrived and be able to walk out safely. He will not be able to cross the road by himself so parking directly out the front is the only option. He will watch out for you at the set time and come out to your car by himself when you arrive.

He can be picked up Mondays at 6pm and Wednesdays at 6pm. On my weekends with him, you can pick him up at 3pm on Sundays. On weekends you have him you can pick him up at 8.45am on Saturdays before his sports lesson.

I hope that we will be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We can build a new lifestyle together in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never be a reason for us to be separated. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you to be my best friend.

I cared for you when we married and I continue to care for you right up to this day. But I cannot be with you or help you as long as you are in this relationship.

With all my love,
(signed)

Rocksolid ^^^^^ here's the letter to send.

Thankyou melody and indie for helping me with the letter.

Melody I've sent it word for word. That's great thank you.

I've changed my email now.

When I get home today I am going to ring up and get my phone number changed. I don't know long it will take them to do it. Hopefully not too long. I don't want to be tempted to call him.

I feel sad today but feel a sense of relief that i have a plan and am doing the right thing.

All romantic love is an addiction. Plan B is cold turkey for all BW's and it is very hard in the early days for everyone who does it.

It is not because you are in an A. You are his avowed wife who has been gaslighted into thinking herself a mistress. What he has done to you is TRULY appalling and once safely away from him - you may decide to never forgive him. That's why the biggest risk to recovery is you.

I am not worried about him, one day he will be on his bended knee to you.



Aside from the fact that 95pc end within two years? Lots of reasons. Good grief, where do I start?

She is a jealous, controlling wreck YET she is happy to be a mistress to an undivorced man indefinitely. Usually even the lowest calibre of mistresses DEMAND the faux affairage wedding as their due.

This one doesn't, and is a house of cards if ever there was one. She sends him a very mixed message; 'you are mine but I don't have to be yours'. He will be constantly see-sawing in such an arrangement and they will fight all the time.

Most OW are willing to accept crumbs, which is always their ultimate downfall, but this one accepts the crumbs of crumbs. Her doom is written in the stars.


One of the biggest affair 'hits' that an OW receives during an A is 'winning' over the wife. "If he will leave someone he married for ME I must be worth something!" They get addicted to the sick competition. During an A whenever he decides to be with her over the wife, she gets a lovebank deposit.

That's why she set it up so that your son's handovers were in her control. It's also why she plans to choose to stay with him, even as a perpetually married man. When he chooses to do as she says, and when he abuses his avowed wife - she'll get that old lovebank 'hit' of 'winning/being chosen over a wife' and thinking 'I feel better than someone who is good enough to be a wife'. She doesn�t think she is good enough to be a wife herself. She's only really interested in the competition with you and once he becomes your reject in Plan B and you are calling all the shots, she will feel flat and bored.


He is rather a character as WH's go too. Because he is familiar with MB, he has been using the concepts to gaslight you and convince you that you are the mistress! He has never even considered being in a relationship solely with her - which tells you all you need to to know about their future chances.

He has also tried to 'manage' Plan B by being the one to suggest it which was obviously just a way of tring to scare you off it and gaslight you. Or to be in control of it so he could stop Plan B when it got too lonely.

This tells me he is truly terrrified of you having the strength and ability to go really, truly dark outside his control. This is because he is VERY committed to having you both. When you do a true Plan B, it won't make him leave the OW necessarily (because he wants you both) but it will cause him great suffering which will be a huge lovebuster to her and ruin their relationship.

She will probably put huge efforts into having the relationship without you initially, which will be doomed to failure.

Now that I have let you scratch that itch, I want you to get your head out of A-land and STOP thinking about the cockroaches and how they think. It avails nothing.

Until the day he sends word to your IM that he will go NC there is only one word you need to describe his mindset - alien.

The last comment is one of the reasons Dr Harley is so keen on Plan B being implemented quickly for women. Aside from the health dangers for women, Plan A competition does not work on men. Competing with the AP doesn't work when you are a woman because men don't feel as compelled to choose. A WH will simply be glad of the opportunity to have his needs met by two women, if the women allow it.

Great job!!!


Now, what is the plan to send a copy to skanky? Can you drop it off to her at the house with this note?


I love WH with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for that chance.

Sneak off for a break and change your phone number right now. That should have been done at the same time you sent the letter. You're deliberately giving him a small window within which to contact you - bad idea for a serious Plan B'er.

And you are now a serious Plan B'er.

Hi Melody

I found out her email address and emailed it. I put that bit in at the bottom.

I just couldn't bring myself to rock up to the house. I feel if I gave it to her face to face I would have totally lost control and hit her or something. I remember when I confronted her six months ago how angry I was and I just do not trust myself.

I'm even more angry now and would be liable to do something I would regret. And I felt that would give her more determination to stay with him. I want to be in control.

My WH has just come 5 minutes ago to pick up my son for his sports lesson. I had my son sit on a chair inside at the door so he could see when WH arrived.

I sat to the side behind the door so WH couldn't see me.

When he arrived my son gave me a kiss and cuddle and walked out to the car.

My son asked me why I wasn't walking him out to the car. I told him that I can't see Daddy until his girlfriend moves out of the house because it hurts too much. I told him it was wrong for Daddy to have a girlfriend when he was still married to Mummy.

Is that okay? I wanted to make it age appropriate. He's very wise beyond his years but he is still only 7.

I was tempted to go outside and wave to my WH just one last time but I was strong and didn't. I knew I had to do the right thing. I knew he would have been on the phone to OW and I just can't see that anymore. It hurts too much.

I think as soon as he picks him up I need to do something else IMMEDIATELY to keep myself busy and not get upset about it.

I hope this become easier me not going out the front. I can do this. I have to.

You did fine and for a 7 year old that allowed him to know the truth.

You may want to sit him down later and explain that what his daddy and the OW are doing is extremely hurtful to you and hurts the whole family.

Ask him if he has any questions or better yet, how does he feel about that.

LTL

Yes, you are avoiding confusing him by giving him clear descriptions about what is happening in his world.

Dr H advocates doing this truthfully with children of all ages. He says 4years old and the only reason he doesn't say younger is because they wouldn't understand.

My 7 yo nephew was giving me advice about my betrayal! I also remember him telling the neighbours how 'terrible' it was. He even said he was glad he'd been told (actually he hadn't he had hid under a table and listened but we wouldn't have kept it from him) because he said it was scary when grown ups were upset and pretending not to be.

Another thing something my son said me to yesterday.

They had a mothers day stall at school yesterday where everyone brought money to buy a gift.

My son bought me a lovely gift and he was so excited, bless him.

He then told me that some people bought 2 gifts. I asked him why and he said that they also bought one for their stepmums.

I said 'oh, well you don't have a stepmum'. I said to him 'OW is not your stepmum and never will be.'

He said 'I know Mummy. I don't even talk to her'.

I love my boy :-)

It does just like any withdrawal. If you cave you will undo the work and reset the withdrawal clock.

Always think of ways to stay strong. Inspirational music playing when he calls? Rocky theme tune or some diva you'd be ashamed to let down..

Or like you say, plan to be busy and engrossed in something when pickups happen.

What a smart little sweetheart.

I think children are cleverer and more clear eyed about adultery than most adults.

Thank you so much Indie into your amazing insight into the OW'S mind. It really seems like it's her down to a tea.

The thing about her getting lovebank deposits every time she 'wins' seems dead on to me. I never realised that people could feel good about this. She just seems so sick and twisted.

When I read what you wrote about that, I knew it was true because of things that WH has said to me in the past about things OW has said.

Apparently after she found out about us, her exact words were 'I am not going to let her WIN'.

She sees it as a massive competition between me and her.

You're right I do believe I have been gaslighted into thinking I am a mistress. I think a lot of this comes from his family who all turned against me when they found out we had been sleeping together. They all made out I was the bad guy and OW was the betrayed one.

I myself know it's not true but try telling that to a whole family of enablers

You're right she has never demanded he marry her. She has been demanding for the past six months that he divorce me but he says he doesn't want to divorce me and has been dragging his feet about it. She must be going nuts. Probably why she is now pushing to buy a house with him. Anything to keep her foot in the door and away from me.

Isn't she tired by now? I always wonder how long she can keep it up for.

I know I have to stop thinking about them.

I find it so amazing Indie and everyone else of going into so much depth for me about this. I really appreciate it. And finding all the quotes from Dr Harley about affairs.

Everyone has been amazing I thank you.

I'm going to keep posting thank you everyone.

I think I'll think of everyone here rooting for me

Hi LTL

Yes I think I will sit him down and talk to him. I've always told him it's wrong that Daddy has a girlfriend and he says I know. But I haven't really asked him how he's felt. I know he wants mum and dad back together.

He isn't a boy of many words but when he talks he just comes out with the most amazing kind things.

Your nephew sounds like one of those kids that are wise beyond their years too. It's amazing the things they pick up on.