Hi Neak.

I did it! I changed my phone number. It will be effective in the next 24 hours.

Wow I can't believe I am doing this. I feel good about this.

Don't worry he wouldn't try and call over the weekend anyway because he will be with HER. He only ever called on a weekday while he was at work.

Still sad and scared but glad I have a plan. Is it normal to feel a bit liberated in Plan B?

My feelings are all over the place right now.

Yes, and normal to feel liberated one minute, and crashing and burning the next. Don't worry, the liberation will come back, and stay for longer each time.

This is what sprang to mind.

Good job with the dropoff, and changing your number, too. Even better than WH knowing you mean business, is having YOU know you mean business.

Good job on changing your number and how you have protected yourself at the pick ups/drop offs.

Please have something planned for you and your son whether it's playing a game or reading so you keep yourself busy.

In the future after pick ups go do something for yourself so you handle the pain and loneliness.

Stay the path rocksolid. You're doing so well.

I'm so proud of you chicky! I think you and DS deserve a treat.

Thanks so much everybody.I wouldn't be able to do this without you all here encouraging and helping me along the way.

I'm reading every day and learning so much.

Neak I love Rapunzel. Me and my son saw that and I remember that part. Definately how I feel up and down.

I felt good today but had a cry tonight cause I miss my H so much.

When I go overseas with my son next month it will be my birthday and will also be WH birthday a few days later. So I'll be away for both our birthdays.

I'd like my DS to still call his Dad for his birthday while we are out of the country. Since I don't want WH to have my phone number, I was thinking of getting my son to call him from a payphone overseas. Of course I won't be talking to him on the phone. Is this acceptable?


It's Mother's Day tomorrow Indie so my treat is going out to lunch with my son and daughter. And when I was at the shops tonight I bought some expensive fish and prawns to eat for dinner tomorrow night. I don't often splash out but I think I deserve it!

Brainhurts thanks I will stay the path. It's only been a couple of days but I do feel I'm going well. I hope I can continue like this. I'll keep posting and reading.

I feel so ashamed and disappointed in myself that I never did this six months ago.

But I'm not giving up in getting myself stronger and better, no matter how this turns out.

Don't beat yourself up because you're doing it now and you're doing it well.

So glad you're doing the self-care.

Stay posting especially when you hit those bumps, we are here for you.

Your past failures are now learning experiences, not a club to beat yourself up with. Take what you need from them, and go on.

As to the phone call, I think it's fine, as long as DS really wants to call and it's fairly easy to do so. If it would be a big hassle, let him send a postcard as soon as you get there to tell his dad happy birthday.

Right now the kids aren't WH's priority, so you shouldn't go overboard to make him their priority, either. After all, if he wasn't being a bad human being, he'd be with you guys on his birthday, and DS could just turn to him and say, "Happy birthday, Dad!" Since the separation is all WH's fault, he doesn't need a whole lot of effort by other people to make the day special for him.

Leaving him alone with OW means that she has to work her selfish little self extra hard to try and make up for the presence of his entire family. The same thing applies on a day-to-day basis, but the contrast becomes especially sharp on special days.

You know all the reasons for yourself why Plan B is crucial, and you (including your good mental and physical health to care for the children) are THE MOST IMPORTANT reasons to be in PB. The above is one of the reasons why it's important for WH, too. Because as long as you were in the picture, OW only had to carry a very tiny part of the load. This suited her selfish little heart just fine. She enjoys being the OW.

She will not enjoy having to be OW+wife+kids to WH. The more he loses, the more she has to make up to him. Protecting him from that loss also protects the A from reality, allowing it to drag on and on and on.

Eventually, the knowledge of what's best for you will be all the motivation you need to be strong and stay dark. Right now, when you've gotten so used to shoving your own needs aside, it may be hard to think of yourself as that important. During those moments, remind yourself that it's not only the very best thing for you, but it's the very best thing for WH, too. That you are now giving him the best because you love him.

And keep making yourself the priority so you can learn how very worthy of love, respect, and everything good in life, YOU are.

Thanks Brainhurts. It means so much that everyone here is here for me.

I try not to beat myself up and know I'm doing the right thing.

The one thing I do beat myself up about is me leaving my H in the first place and having my A.

Neak I know you say it is all my WH's fault but I know it all started with me when I first had my A.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time and wish I had never had my A. I feel this is my punishment now because of what I did.

The worst thing I did was hurt my H and family for a stupid fantasy.

I tell you what when I eventually did come out of my fog I felt so relieved and glad to be out of that place. I've learned so much from all this and know that if we recover our marriage we will be following Dr Harley's program for recovery. I do believe my WH will be willing to follow the program too.

I just hope my WH will come out of the fog soon so he won't be this alien anymore being controlled by OW.

For so long I have had his whole family hate me and his friends too for me walking out on him 2 years ago. And then they hated me more when they found out I had been seeing him while he has been with OW.

It starts to get you down and make you feel like a terrible person when people continue to shun you when you see them out in public.

Tonight I was in the store and one of my WH's old friends and work colleague saw me. I didn't even see him as I was just in my own little world. He actually called out to me by name and said hello to me and asked how I was. He seemed genuinely happy to see me. I felt so happy that someone didn't hate me for a change. It made me feel happy inside. But then afterwards I cried because it's just so emotional seeing someone from WH's life and knowing I'm not part of that life anymore.

I know one day if WH and I reconcile I can change people's opinions of me and show them I am not the same person anymore as I was when I walked out on my WH. I know I shouldn't care what people think anyway but I do want people to see the changes in me.

Back before I was in Plan B and WH and I would talk, I would always tell him how sorry I was for leaving him and that I would spend my life making it up to him.

He would always say that he had forgiven me a long time ago and that we would both make it up to each other. He would say that it was HIM now that needed to make things up to me. He would admit that he was doing the wrong thing and he wished he had never moved OW in and he wished he had followed MB and just hung in there till my A ended.

He said this all again only recently. He admits he's doing the wrong thing but won't end it with her cause it's too hard.

I miss my H that used to be so strong. He may be weak now but I refuse to live my life that way! I'm going to make this a good year for me and my son!

One more thing. Is this something typical to come out of a WH's mouth?

He kept saying all the time 'Maybe you're better off without me. I don't know why you keep hanging around. I'm not worth it'.

I felt he was saying this so he could condone his A.

Totally normal. He doesn't feel good enough for you, but believes he is trashy enough for OW. It's all part of the fog, and nothing you should worry about.

His A isn't your fault, not even a little bit. The majority of us on here who were BS's did not cheat on our spouses in return. A few did, and some have recovered, but most of us responded with honor. Your WH could have chosen to do the same. Instead, he chose to dive deeply into the pigsty, and splash around for two years.

Your A didn't make him cheat. No one else could do that, only him. Your A was wrong, and you own 100% of that. His A continues to be wrong, and he owns 100% of that. I suspect that you wrongfully taking responsibility for part of his decision to cheat is what helped to hold you in this mess for so long, paralyzed.

Fortunately, you aren't that person any more. This may be one of those handy lessons you learn as you put the past in the past.

But lots have us have been on the receiving end of As and didn't go out and have our own. My H was never remorseful and I was separated for a year. I never allowed so much as flirting until I was months past divorce.

If I had, I would have had an A. It wouldn't have been his A that caused it but my actions.

How does having a RA help? Especially when you know first hand how it feels. I would never wish an A on my worst enemy. (Which is OW in case you're wondering!)

Your A was caused by you and his was caused by him. It's as simple as that and only he can pull himself out of the nosedive - just as you did.

Thanks Neak and Indie. His excuse to me always was that he just needed to feel wanted again and if I didn't want him he would find someone who did.

Is there any stories or info here about revenge affairs? I've tried to search but can't come up with anything.

Thanks again

Look for Faithful Follower's story. I'm sure there are many others.

Thanks Neak I will look.

I feel really sad today. I think I'm in withdrawal from not talking to my WH. I'm so used to talking to him everyday and now I'm not it makes me miss him.

I know I won't call him but it's just so hard.

I wonder if he will ever come out of the fog. I don't know if I've lost my chance because he has been with her so long now.

Think I'll watch a funny movie tonight to keep my mind off things.

It's just too funny. She doesn't want him at all! An OW has no interest when the wife is out of the picture. It's the image of the mans wife she really wants. The poor dear is going to feel ver unloved by his bored mistress any day now. He's been merely a dog jumping through her hoops for a while anyway.

Indie he definately has been jumping through her hoops that's for sure!!

I can't believe he keeps doing it

It's like he doesn't have a voice of his own anymore.

A big part of Plan B is forgetting about what is happening with WH and what will happen with WH. You need to try to pretend he is never coming back and move on with you life.

When your thoughts drift towards what he or OW are doing or not doing, redirect yourself. This is the time for new hobbies, activities, self-care, etc.

Dwelling on WH/OW is going to keep you stuck. Trust me.

I had a feeling that someone was going to tell me that Susie. Thank you for the reminder. I need these constant reminders.

I'm going to look for some new things to do and keep busy and look after myself.

I keep telling myself I can do this. I know I can. Thanks