I think what causes problems with custody is untreated illness.

I agree.

Just try to keep MIL's prying eyes off the meds so she doesn't squeal to your WH that you have them.

If anyone ever questioned your use of them, the only reason you take them is to deal with the stress of your husband cheating on you. To help you focus on caring for the family/children as an abandoned wife.

Thanks, BH. Yes, I'm going to take them starting tomorrow morning (it says taking in the morning).

I did feel a lot better after WH moved out after i got used to it. But i constantly feel that i need to do sth. to save my marriage. then i did another round of exposure to all our friends. what really got me was WH's nasty nasty email to all our friends demonizing me as an abusive, emotional unstable wife, and a horrible mother. Then i got very very angry, very emotional, totally broke down at DD's parent-teacher conference, trouble sleeping (after the 4:30am-5am feeding DS, i just can't fall back to sleep, keep thinking about this A and devastation caused the family). So I guess i need to do sth. about it.

I let all my friends know that i'm looking for a job in CA. They referred me to several positions, and i'm very actively looking. i think i'll leave before the end of summer no matter i find a job or not.

Thanks Jedi and reading. i don't wanna lose control of my emotions, esp. in front of kids, and at work. Also, i think i will really need the meds once i start packing. it would be very difficult. better take meds now and it take some time to kick in.

ADs usually take a week or so to start having a positive effect. Some take longer, it depends on the meds and the patient. I would go ahead and start them as soon as possible and continue taking them until you feel much much better and you've been in Plan B long enough to feel less emotional about your marriage.

When my wife's AP got exposed they went nuts... They threatened to sue me, hit me with harassment,even call Interpol! None of it happened. Now I wish I exposed sooner.

I think the OM knew if he went to the FBI or Interpol they would dig up more dirt on him then they would me if I live to 100!

It was also,suggested that OM put up a post about me based on my wife's comments of aver one year ago! The issue is this would all be a lie...or slander and they could never ever accuse me of cheating..

In teams of AD, they do need to build up in your system to be reflective, so don't get discouraged if the don't work right away...

Good luck!

In the whole scheme of things, you are still a young woman and have a life ahead of you.
I divorced at the age of 35, after my wife refused to end her affair.
I can tell you, it does get better.
Since you are from China, I don't know if you are learned in the teachings of Confucius but this is a valley in life, see this through and keep walking forward. You will reach the mountain.

Thanks LongWayFromHome. i started AD last Friday. Although I started not-so-dark plan B 5 weeks ago, I did another round of exposure which pissed WH off great deal. Guess I'm still emotional

Thanks Sora. But I got Plan A all messed up. I never should've done trickle-exposure. Now our friends knew most of the darkest moments in my life, and i'm a bipolar-abusive beatch.. Also, during my so called plan A (i didn't find MB until 3months after Dday), i constantly demanded WH terminate A and commit to M, lots of disrespectful judgements... AO, always had expectations...

even plan b, i'm living with MIL, who supported D twice, meeting WH every day. i just cant find anyone from my family to help me with the kids (see, how screwed up i am, i haven't talked to my parents for almost 10 years, now all my aunts stopped talking to me, since I refused to take their advise on this situation), and i'm just not capable enough to take care kids by myself. i can't even ask mil to leave now, then WH would let everyone know my kind MIL helped me when i'm in need, but i in return kicked her out.

and i just don't have the courage to take advice here: leave WH asap even without a job.

newcomers probably could learn one thing or two from me... avoid my mistakes.

Thanks Jedi for sticking with me. I will survive, after all i have two very young children all relying on me. yes, a setback might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. i shouldn't be too obsessed about getting this solved asap. i always want to do sth. to help the situation, always wondering why the heck WH is still in the fog? why he's not moving back yet??? why the whole thing so ridiculous... i'm not a very patient person, and this is driving me crazy. but what can i do.. it's not under my control anymore. i can only try to control myself. yeah, i need to work harder on finding jobs!

About Confucius, it's a shame that the young generations in China discarded most of these great assets our ancestors left us, like the other "the art of war" by Sun Tzu mentioned at MB.

Is the MIL an American or foreigner?

Mistakes are opportunities for current and future strength.

Any betrayed spouse is absolutely traumatized by the experience and getting with the Marriage Builders plan is tough in the circumstances.

It requires you to have a plan and not let emotions and other considerations you have always had towards your spouse to follow the plan.

Focus on your plan now.

Focus on how to create a safe environment for yourself and your children

and

you will right your course and succeed whether your marriage ever reconciles or not.

You can be one heck of a woman now and into the future.

That is the gift of surviving an affair with Marriage Builders and following the MB plan.

xp,

There are alot of us that are still with you and we know you're going to hit that personal recovery.

Stay following the plan and you will start to feel better. Don't pay attention to his crazy wayward email to your friends because of course he's going to make you out to be crazy because he is wayward and talks crazy talk.

Have I linked the "craziest things to come out of a Wayward's piehole" thread?

Also, stay with the ADs for a bit, because like LWFH mentioned they take time.

Stay the course, my friend.

she's a foreigner.

Thanks BH and reading. I think I got carried away by that email, and became very emotional this week. I will stay on ADs. I will follow the plan. At this point, I will focus on myself, and kids.

Good. So what plan B self-care do you have planned for yourself?

the teacher at my DD's preschool talked to me yesterday afternoon. I had a breakdown last tue at the parent-teacher conference, after seeing the presentation about DD's daily life at school. They sort of knew what's going on and i explained a bit more yesterday. The reason the teachers contacted me is they noticed DD is very angry recently and tends to lash out her friends at the daycare, had several incidents hurting her friends, hurting herself, AOs, takes a long time to calm her down. She's only 4 year old.

The teachers are very experienced and have advanced degrees in education. i trust their judgement. they think DD is having a difficult time coping the situation at home. She's too young to adjust well. They suggested me to seek help from pediatric psychologist and referred me some names.

i was shocked. DD seemed to be happy, had her difficult times, but i never expected her would hurt others and hurt herself. and i'm deeply sad. I have an urge to talk to my husband. The A had caused too much trauma to the family, the kids will NOT be ok if we get a divorce. I'm not sure if he will "get it", but from the feedback from our friends talked to him is, 1) he told everyone that he had terminated the relationship with OW, but he still thought our M is beyond repair, reluctant to work on the M; 2) he agreed not to talk about divorce and let me and kids move to CA just like a long-distance relationship. he said sth. silly like he could write down an agreement and get it notarized that he wouldn't get remarried if im not remarried; 3) he spent a lot of time with his mom, taking her to see doctors and stuff (i'm not sure if it's shifting focus or sth.)

So I suspect the A might ended, of course i don't have proof. The OW replied my the other email about AOA lawsuits that she already deleted all the contact info of my WH, and since my exposure to her workplace in end March they don't have any contact. Now based on my daughter's situation, i am very tempted to have WH back home and do another round of Plan A, as suggested by Dr. Harley on the radio show. I'm taking ADs for about a week now. if emotionally i can't take it living with WH or not doing plan A efficiently, I plan to move to CA before finding a job. if things don't work out, i'll move before Aug. but i have to admit that i'm anxious about his moving back.

i haven't talked to WH about this yet. i wanted to see his reaction after the teachers talk to him this afternoon. If he wants to move back and work on M for DD's sake, I'd welcome him. IF not, i've prepared myself that he would think it's me caused all the problems and we should just find a therapist for DD instead of working on M. I might just ask him to move back, and not talk about EPs and A.

Hope i can get some advice here. it really breaks my heart seeing my DD struggling.

Thanks BH. going to gym a couple times a weeks, watching movie on Sat. during his visitation time. spend time with kids. talk to my close friends when i feel down.

You are about to make a MAJOR MISTAKE if you plan on inviting him back into the home.
You reference what Dr. Harley recommended and I dont think he would advise you to do this at this time.
When you enter Plan B, there is no contact until the affair is ended and he is willing to never see or speak to her again.

If you think you are an emotional wreck now...wait until you have an active adulterer living with you.
I dont know how his presence could help your daughter in the least