Hi Rock,
I am a FWW, so I don't know the pain your feeling, I only know the pain I caused my BH.
I've been following your thread and I just wanted to say how sorry I am at this new "development", I know from reading how important him not purchasing a home with POSOW.
I'm so sorry for what your going through, it's threads like yours, that remind me of the turmoil and distruction I (and all WW's) caused, it's a HORRIBLE feeling, I hope that one day your WH will see it and feel it.

So my H was a BH and now he is a WH. So he knows exactly that horrible feeling that I am feeling. And now I know firsthand what he felt cause he is now doing it to me.

Hi Indie

I know what you mean about me praying for my H and lighting our wedding candle may not be good for My Plan B. I don't really feel like it tonight now as it's been such a draining afternoon and evening. When I light our candle and pray for our marriage I end up very emotional and crying so maybe I should stop for a while.

I know what you mean about me praying for my H and lighting our wedding candle may not be good for My Plan B. I don't really feel like it tonight now as it's been such a draining afternoon and evening. When I light our candle and pray for our marriage I end up very emotional and crying so maybe I should stop for a while.

Indie

Do you honestly still believe there is no hope WH and OW will last after them being together so long now?

I don't see her leaving ever and I don't see him ever telling her to, so what do you think will be their downfall?

Get away as quickly as possible and don't engage him I guess?

I'm planning on reading those books too. Does it matter what order I read them in?

Hi mrs_cen

Thanks for following my thread. I need all the encouragement I can get! I am actually a FWW too. So my H was a BH and now he is a WH. So he knows exactly that horrible feeling that I am feeling. And now I know firsthand what he felt cause he is now doing it to me.

Are you now fully recovered?

Sounds like you are doing the battle plan. So, let me just nibble around the edges.

As I eluded to above, make sure you include taking care of you. Remember, the first rule of combat is "take care of yourself." Why? Because if you dont, then you are no good to anyone else. Your kids (and maybe even your WW) are counting on you to be there. So, make sure you do tyhe little things that take care of you.

Second, you might want to shorten your prayers. Jesus sees you. He is standing right there with you. The betrayal you feel, He feels also...because your wife has not only betrayed you, she has betrayed Him. He weeps as you do.

Instead, my prayers got shorter as time went on...well, let me clarify that. I talk to Jesus constantly. That is the relationship part of the two of us. But when I say I shortened my prayers, I mean that I stopped with the laundry list of requests. He knows what I need.

All I ask now is two things. Number one is that His will be done, not mine. And number two, that he shows me walls and doors. Walls and doors are nothing but this...

In the Bible, it says that He is a lamp unto our feet. What does that mean? Well, in that day, the lamp they were talking about was a lamp with a candle in it...illuminating the path of a traveller at night. Well, how far does a candle illuminate? Not too far! Maybe a few steps in front of you.

But I have NO IDEA what lies down the road. It might be a dead end. It might be a cliff. I have no clue. And that is the point! When I pray "walls and doors," I am saying to Him "Jesus, I can only see a few steps in front. I am trusting you. So, I will pray for you to show me walls and doors. If the path I am on, if the decision I am making is not YOUR will, then please put a wall in front of me so I dont go over the cliff. If it is your will, then show me a door to go through."

Since I have done that...since I have relinguished my will to control my path...guess what? I have gotten walls and doors.

So, when I have designs to do something...but then it just seems to be getting harder and harder to do...and I cant get it done...I look up and ask "is this a wall?" And I quickly find out that even though I wanted to do this thing, it wasnt His will. And so I thank him, make a left or right face (or even an about face sometimes)...and we continue.

My relationship with Christ is one of beginnings. He walks with me. At times I stumble. But instead of laughing at me, or admonishing me, He just reaches down, picks me up, dusts me off...and we begin again. One foot in front of the other.

This is where you need to get to. You CANNOT control what is going on in the foxhole next to you. All you can do is concentrate on what is between your sector stakes...and let God handle the rest.

One last thing...my favorite general of all time once said "Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain." General Robert E. Lee

You are about to become VERY wise.

Thanks brainhurts for posting that by mortarman. He seems very wise. I like the idea about the walls and doors. I will go back and read that again later.

Do you have a link to your story BH? I noticed you are a FWW/BW also.

Hi Indie

I like your idea of putting my 'love to sleep'. I can imagine me tucking it into bed and waking it up one day if he comes back. Just letting it rest there under the covers!

I'm trying so hard to focus on myself. I know I can get through this with everybody's support here.

Deep down I don't think they will last either but I need to focus on myself and getting better and staying dark. This is so hard.

Do I think about the time limit of Plan B too much? I always think they've been together almost 3 years but I've only gone into Plan B recently. How long should I remain in Plan B? If I do it for 2 years like suggested that means they will have been together 5 years! Hardly any hope if it's been that long.

I have a date in my mind how long to do it and it's less than a year.

Or do I not worry about dates and just focus on myself and see what happens?

Thanks

Do I think about the time limit of Plan B too much? I always think they've been together almost 3 years but I've only gone into Plan B recently. How long should I remain in Plan B? If I do it for 2 years like suggested that means they will have been together 5 years! Hardly any hope if it's been that long.

Hi Jedi

I am constantly amazed at your strength in raising your kids on your own. That's so nice you all pray for your WW. What a good dad they have.

You're right I have been praying for my husband to come home. I like your prayer from alanon I will borrow that thanks. When you went to alanon was that because of your WW's addiction? Do you think you learned a lot from alanon like the addiction of a wayward is exactly the same as an alcoholic? Do you think all addictions are pretty much the same? They have to hit rock bottom and want to help themselves? Sorry if I misunderstand, I just want to learn as much as I can about it.

Your advice is always much appreciated thanks.

Hi indie

I really do want to heal and get to that point where I can make cool logical decisions. Is your WH still in your area or do you have completely no clue what he is up to? How long did it take you to decide that it wasn't worth waiting anymore?

this morning I was driving my car and WH drove past. He saw me and waved at me. I waved back. It was instinct. Have I now broken my plan b? I hope not.

When he waved at me he looked genuinely miserable.

It made me sad seeing him and I cried after.

I was so tempted to call him straight after and ask him if he still loved me and tell him I love him. I didn't.

So now I need to acknowledge my weaknesses even more now. I am weak in wanting to talk to him. I am going to be weak if I happen to see him somewhere. So I need to be even darker and act like I've fallen off the face of the earth. I really want to heal. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm so determined to feel better for my holiday.

I need to not ask DS for any more info. I have to look at the places I'm weak and avoid these things.

Did I break NC by waving back in my car? So to avoid this again I need to sing along in my car and focus on the road and not who is driving past. I shouldn't even notice if he has driven past because I am too busy concentrating on fabulous me! Thoughts?