SFL, I just wanted to chime in and give you encouragement to stay strong.

Bring out the mamma bear for your kids today to give them the best possible chance of being in an intact home.

You owe your WH ZERO, NADA consideration for his anticipation of a wonderful weekend. You are in charge. Don't delay so your kids have a chance of many wonderful weekends in the future, even if at the price of this one.

You CAN DO IT!!!! Stay strong.

I think he's so far entrenched that he won't leave but I will still do Exposure and Plan B for my sanity.

He might not leave NOW, but exposure will hasten the death of the affair. I agree he is very entrenched, but the solution to that is exposure.

Ok, I hear all this but, I only have proof that he did it this week when he already told me we were separating. He will tell all his friends and family that it just started- long after he and I were "over." He will say that we had problems for months and this was just a reaction to our problems.

Maybe I can add that he had his first fling (as far as I know) back in November when we were going to couples counseling and he was promising to work on us?

He flies back at 4pm and is back in LA at 6/6:30

No, unfortunately I don't have a babysitter the kids can stay with. He'll arrive at 6:30 and bathes them and puts them to bed. He also pays for wifi on the phone so he can text if people start contacting him on the plane he might not want to come home? or come up and explode at me in front of the kids?

You are just looking for excuses to justify why NOT to do this when it may have the most vital impact on him and the affair.

Look at the reasons for DOING it as suggested by those who are familiar with this entire ordeal.

Response can be:

Do you actually believe that rubbish? (Then shut up)

Does that excuse make sense to you?

***He admitted it during counseling last November. The problem with our marriage is that there has been a 3rd party involved on an affair with my Hubby. Are you just going to let him lie about it now that he's making stuff up?

Or, just tell them to use there own best judgment and see what feels like makes the most sense.

LTL

That is silly kook talk. You have proof that he is having an affair. He is a married man. You are married to him. That is all you need to say. I don't care if he says he is a baloney sandwich, in reality he is a married man who is having an affair. So, please don't waste valuable time posting wayward excuses for his affair.


No. You can add that this is his second affair. He had another recent affair with ____enter name___.

That will still work because they won't be able to talk on the phone while he is in flight. They will be limited to text and they won't be able to do [much] damage control.

He will come home FURIOUS so just expect it. Prepare yourself accordingly. Have you read my exposure thread?

You can focus on blowing up the OW's world while he is on the plane and then sending the email to his family and friends right when he lands. That way skanky will be blowing up his phone with texts and then when he lands, he should start getting calls from his family and friends.

I guess you are missing the sentence that I said I AM going to do this- just want to throw out any last minute concerns so I can be prepared for best timing.

Last concern. I don't have Brianna's phone number. I can get it off his phone (I thought he changed the passcode but he didn't last weekend. And I don't have the 1st OW's name- it should also still be in his phone.) The best time for me to get this is when he has his phone on the charger when he is bathing and putting the kids to bed....

I wonder if his current OW knows about the 1st OW and if it happened at the same time??!

And YES read the exposure thread... Will re-read when kiddos are in bed.

btw Lawyer said NOT to expose at work. And so did Steve... I really want to but I also want paycheck!

BUT, you won't have access to his phone since he is out of town, right?


The lawyer's goal is to get you divorced, he has no experience in saving marriages. We are trying to save your marriage.

And we showed you Marriage Builders position on workplace exposure. Dr. Harley's position is that you give him 30 days to leave his job and THEN expose if he won't leave. Your only hope is if he does leave the job. Did you see the quote I posted about Dr. Harley's position on workplace exposure?

You will be sharing that "paycheck" with the OW if you don't kill this affair and save your marriage. And you won't do that if he keeps that job. I will post Dr Harley's words again:

- I am saying I will check his phone when he comes home thursday night. We are talking about a 3 day difference. or maybe 2 day because I will get the numbers then expose when he's here.

- I did read it but I also coached with his son who said completely not to expose to work under my circumstances. My WS works in a very niche market and everyone knows everyone. He gets this HR no-no reputation and he is SCREWED. You said I have a 50/50 chance. I really don't think I have that much- I think my Plan B will last a year or through this job ending (which will end in a year or so- in his industry they generally last 2-3 years). He'll either come crawling back then or we will get a divorce. But I will expose the heck to his and OW's friends and family!
- AND I just need to get my leases extended period. I won't feel secure otherwise.

I will follow the steps otherwise. And not with the only goal being to save my marriage but for me- will you still help me?

If so I'd greatly appreciate it.

That being said. I'd like to expose mid- weekend.

Thank you Sunnytimes!

That's ok because you don't need her phone # to expose. It is entirely unnecessary.

Waiting for a completely unnecessary phone # just ruins a completely well thought out plan. There is no reason to wait.


I would reduce that to a 0% chance if you won't offer him the 30 day ultimatum and then follow with an exposure. Your only chance of saving your marriage is if he leaves that job. You can't possibly imagine you can save your marriage while he still works with the OW and travels. That is the reason your marriage is headed to divorce.

I am certain you misunderstood Steve because that is not Marriage Builder's position. As you can see, Dr Harley's position is that you expose at work if he won't leave the job in 30 days. You don't have a marriage otherwise. Otherwise, you are likely to be fighting with an OW over his income.

Its real important that you think long term instead of short term. He has to leave that job if you want to have any hope at all.

Anyway, you can't skip that step. It is too important to the outcome of your marriage. You can't choose the career over the marriage. Doing so has just about destroyed your marriage. You can't afford more of the same.

And once again, you do not have the power to harm your husband's reputation. That is silly. If his reputation is ruined, it will be because of his reckless, unprofessional, irresponsible behavior on the job. Which will soon come out anyway. If his company is anything like mine [a Fortune 500 company], he will be frogmarched off the premises by an armed security guard when they find out. If you give him 30 days to get out, he might avoid all that and you will have a chance to save your marriage.

Nope, I won't help you make yet more critical mistakes. Your thread is chock full of you wasting valuable time on "Plan SFL" making critical mistakes. You have wasted so much of your time and ours. Your best thinking has led you to this terrible place. And here you are thinking - once again - you know what is best.

Isn't it time to accept you don't know what you are doing and put aside your own ideas?

Protecting his job over your marriage almost ensures divorce. But more than that, the risk is great that he either loses that job anyway or you end up fighting with an OW over his income.

As long as you protect his career over your marriage, you protect his affair and ENSURE that you continue to deal with a fogged out, selfish wayward.

If you aren't strategic enough to see that, then I give this a ZERO chance of recovery. And when he divorces you, you will be competing for scraps.

- 50/50 though means there's a 50% chance he'll go to divorce- if he goes to divorce he will be a %*$# and I might lose the place of residence and $$$ for me and my babies. I understand the threat part.. I will threaten the 30 days. Just don't know if I can go through with it...

Oh my goodness I checked all relatives of the OW that I got from the background check and NONE are on facebook.

There is about a 100% chance he will divorce you if he keeps that job. If he keeps the job he will continue to see his OW and continue to travel. And you will be fighting the OW for leftovers.

You have a 50/50 chance of saving your marriage with this plan. But if you don't follow it, I give it a 0% chance.