Thoughts? MelodyLane already told you he will be furious. He will be furious and will say stuff to you and you will come back here posting about it and we will remind you we already know this.

It happens every single time.

We've seen this story before.

Expose anyway. It's vital that the affair be disrupted as much as possible. Exposure will speed up whatever is going to happen.

It is vitally important so that you turn this around so that he realizes HE needs to beg YOU if he wants to come back. This is about putting you back in control and reclaiming your dignity and getting a whole and healthy you out of this.

HE is the one having an affair. He should not be threatening you with divorce. That is laughable. Expose the affair and let the consequences start raining down on him. This is step one in you coming out of this all right regardless of whether he finally has a successful cranial-rectal extraction are not.


A "goodbye weekend"?





I am so sorry - God help you - that is so unbelievably disgusting. He must have a pathetically low opinion of you to think of doing something so abusive and offensive.

I think that opinion will start to change when you stand up for yourself and expose what he has done and start getting the support you need.

That is so degrading and insulting.

A good start is to post OW on the worlds largest infidelity exposure website: www.cheaterville.com . You can then include the links to that exposure when you contact her friends and family.

ok. got it. he just said he's in the process of filing... getting the "paperwork together." Who knows. Thank you.

Every wayward 'talks' about divorce. They think it makes cheating while married OK.


As for the 'goodbye' weekend, waywards are constantly saying goodbye. They have more swan songs than swan lake. When with their mistress it's "I can't leave my family! Goodbye!" when with you it's "I can't do this (faithfully) - goodbye!" However they always end up going back for more of both types of cake.

That's why the goodbye weekend is most certainly something you should not play along with. It IS insulting to expect you to watch him weep over his victims as he shoves the knife in deeper. He needs to understand that it WILL be goodbye - and it WILL be divorce - but on your terms unless he straightens up and flies right.

See he thinks it's his call - but it is yours. You aren't scared by these pointless threats, because you have nothing to lose at this point. All you would lose is a cheating husband. So look very unimpressed when he tries to pull this to scare you.

So when will you be exposing?

Are you planning on doing it Friday when he's flying home?

You are all going to kill me but I want to do it when he's on the way back to UT Monday Night. We have no help and I just can't deal with the anger around the kids.
But I will do it. I will expose expose to as many as I can. He will be so paranoid of being seen with her knowing that I know.

Okay, then you need to start on Sunday by posting OW on www.cheaterville.com and www.playerblock.com. It takes a few hours for the posting to appear.
Then include a link in your exposure.
Do you have your list of exposure targets for OW and WH family and friends?

That is not love. Sneaking around deceiving your family and hiding from the real world is NOT love. It is a fantasy.





Again FANTASY. He is living in a fantasy that he can make it look like he just wasn't happy so he divorced and then magically found someone new. OW is fighting behind your back to steal him away from you while you contemplate whether you should expose because he will be mad.

Exposure will kill his plans to make it all look innocent and also the fantasy that he is under. He will no longer be able to claim that it started AFTER he filed for divorce because exposure will bring it all out into the light.


Reality hits very hard when WH has to look everyone in the eye and explain why he thinks it is a good idea to abandon his family for an OW who sleeps with married men.


Exposure and the TRUTH is your strongest weapon in bursting the fantasy bubble.




Even a moron would not believe that.

No respectable woman would invite a married man to "secretly" live in her apartment because she was having nightmares. Good grief.

EXPOSE.

He's going to be a nightmare around the kids either way. Since he has this maudlin idea of a 'goodbye weekend' he's going to be acting strangely and freaking them out. He'll flip whenever any of you don't behave according to his prescribed script.

You'll be missing a golden opportunity to rob him of the sick plan to say 'goodbye'. Much like the 'lets have one last roll in the hay, honey' offer he gave you.

If he flips out, take the kids somewhere. At least this way they will know what is going on; that they are not to blame and that they can trust you at least.

SFL, no one is going to kill you (let's not get melodramatic) but if you keep making excuses to not act...you will likely find crickets chirping in your thread at some point. I think you should have exposed this week while he was gone and you didn't. I do think it is better to expose while he is gone. However, subjecting yourself and the kids to this "goodbye weekend" is a horrible idea.

Why don't you pack up the kids on take them somewhere for the weekend like Disneyland or the beach before WH gets back? I don't know if this is MB or not but since he keeps saying you are separated he may get a little taste of what Plan B and D looks like (don't say that to him though) if he comes home to an empty apartment. You can Plan A but leaving something 'nice' (the carrot) in the apartment to find but administer the stick by not being there. It spares you his gaslighting, pity party and provide you some self care. You could go stay with friends too...start exposing to your family over the weekend too. He can see the kids Monday and tell them bye then. Anyway, think it over...

I hope you are not going to be a doormat and cater to WH's selfish ideas. Did you have your attorney consult?

It's funny because SFL, this whole situation is making me think about my sister. While she was being gaslit by her WH, he didn't want her talking to me and even went so far as to try to estrange her from me by telling her he and I had had an affair at one point.

MelodyLane said to my sister (yup, I sent her here to MB): Sounds like he knows he can gaslight and scare you but not Susie!"

There is no good reason to put off this exposure. Your WH knows that he can control you with his anger and that you are terrified to have conflict with him. That's why he does such bold and brazen things. He knows you will back down.

You are going to have to stop being a doormat.

I could have cared LESS what my ex WH told people about exposure!! I think it's so strange that you have spent so much of your thread talking about that.

He's married and spending his nights at a woman's apartment for heaven's sakes! He has admitted an A to you!?

You need to stop being such a "people pleaser" and caring WHAT people think of you!

No more Mrs Nice Guy, SFL. This A is waging war on your M and your family. Stand up and fight and stop cowering in the corner!

markos is spot on with this post.

It is remarkable that we are more disgusted with your WH wanting a goodbye weekend than you are.

My exH would have never in a million years would have suggested a thing to me. He knew better.

I agree that once you expose and get some much needed support, you will feel better and stronger. I think you will wonder how in the world you ever agreed to such a thing.

You need to stick to the plan and stop giving into your FEARs. This is just plain FEAR talking. There is absolutely no good reason to delay exposure and many good reasons to move forward. You want him WITH YOU when he finds out [or flying to you] so he and skanky can't do damage control and so you have a chance to try and work this out. If he gets too crazy then you can leave with the kids for the weekend.

EVERY wayward is furious about exposure. Just put on your big gurl panties and DEAL WITH IT!

SFL, it is time to make a decision to be STRONG. You must decide to STOP allowing yourself to be played like a fool. He has been allowed to gaslight you for such a long time that you even parrot mind boggling fogbabble FOR HIM. You make excuses for him that leave one's jaw dropping! It is very rare to hear a BS so completely invested in wayward excuses.

I don't see why you are so tempted to behave like a doormat. I know that's not you!

I know you are capable of saying "Listen kids, something very horrible and very sad is happening. Dad has a girlfriend and he wants to live with her, but it is wrong for married people to do that. Just remember that I love you and we are in this together. We all still love Dad and I am going to ask him not to go. I want you to know I've got this. Mum has got this one under control no matter what happens."

I also know you are capable of looking super hot and super unimpressed when his anger blows up. I know you can Plan A like a rock star, expose fearlessly and not give a damn as he spews his fogbabble.

I know you CAN - but will you?

Why would you want to wait for exposure until they will be together all week to bond over it together?

Have you ever heard of how soldiers bond together in the trenches? You'd just be allowing them to be in the trench together to bond during a crisis.

Your best bet is to expose when he has just left her and lay down the ultimatum that if he maintains contact and returns to her you will have to make other choices. This keeps them apart, not drives them to each other.

Right now you cannot give way to your fears. You have a battle to fight, and to win. No one enters a battle without some fears - but the battle, nor its timing was of your choosing.

For your children and for you, you need to rise to the occasion now and fight the battle to win it.