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Waiting until next week is like saying that he needs to break his addiction, but you want to make sure he has access to his addicting substance when you tell him so.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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If you spend a nice weekend with him and the kids before he leaves, this will leave your children very confused. Exposure also includes your children. You should not discount the ENORMOUS influence they may have on him by telling him what THEY think about the situation. Why would you not do everything in your power to save their family and to prevent the hassles in their future involving half-brothers and -sisters and Christmasses spent with the OW's family under the Christmas tree?
You will recover with or without him, but he will eternally be the father of these children. You will have no say about what he does with them and how he raises them when you are divorced. He and OW will tell them crap about your marriage and how it was inevitable.
You can restrain his capacity to minimize the impact of this exposure. Also, people will have time to reach him during the weekend who habe other things to do during their busy week.
Really, the time for exposure is now. You can do it and the outfall will drop upon him and the kids can tell him their mind all weekend instead of having a fake, pretend weekend after which he may tell them that he loves you ever so much, but you asked him to leave or whatever he will have made up to look good in their eyes.
Good luck.
me, DH
all the children
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I would send this letter to your family and friends. It should go to his parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, your family and close friends:
Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. WS has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with a coworker named Skanky SueSlut who resides in xxxxxx. I have had him followed by a Private investigator and he flies into Utah, checks into his hotel and then drives to Skanky's home to spend the night. The purpose of the separation is so that he can carry on his affair without my interference.
This is his second affair in the past few months. He admitted to another affair with a woman named Suzie SlutBomb last November.
I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get him to stop this affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end his affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if he would only end the affair. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards, I am composing the exposure letter and wanted advice. One of his "go to" excuses that he is telling people why he wants a divorce is that I am "bleeding him dry" or that I don't contribute to the family financially. Nonsense for many reasons. Meanwhile OW has posted photos of expensive shoes and I just saw a text saying "can I use your card to go shopping at Nordstrom's tonight?" Should I add "he is also buying her lavish gifts" or anything like that? Getting ready to cut and paste like heck.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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It sounds like you have decided to expose today.
Yay for SFL!!!!
The exposure experts can comment on the rest, but just wanted to tell you how happy for you I am that you are getting yourself back up to fight to win.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 05/23/14 01:57 PM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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I am composing the exposure letter  I was praying that you would find the strength. Exposure is your most powerful weapon.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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I just saw a text saying "can I use your card to go shopping at Nordstrom's tonight?" Be careful not to give away the fact that you can see his texts. You do not want to lose that.
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
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Should I add "he is also buying her lavish gifts" or anything like that? Yep
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Ok. getting ready. Please help with details.
I have the FB letters to OW's family and WH's husband ready.
WH is going to the gym here in about 20 minutes (and kids will be in bed.)
I will expose to the friends and family memebers via FB and maybe call his brother.
I do not have the actual video/photos yet- the Pi said it will take a few days to get together. Is that ok? Just because I will be saying "please private message me if you'd like to see some evidence." And I won't really have it yet.....
Questions:
- Do I have to have Plan B letter ready tonight?
- If he continues to deny to the end and I ask him to "end the affair." Then what do?
I do?
Thank You!
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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I do not have the actual video/photos yet- the Pi said it will take a few days to get together. Is that ok? Just because I will be saying "please private message me if you'd like to see some evidence." And I won't really have it yet..... Write it as I wrote it. Just say exactly what I said.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Questions:
- Do I have to have Plan B letter ready tonight? No. - If he continues to deny to the end and I ask him to "end the affair." Then what do?
I do? Don't ask him if he is having an affair. YOU ALREADY KNOW and don't need the confession of a liar. It doesn't matter if he denies it because you already know the truth. Tell him if he won't end his affair and leave his job immediately, that he needs to leave so you can separate from him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Dear friends and family,
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. WS has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with a coworker named Skanky SueSlut who resides in xxxxxx. I have had him followed by a Private investigator and he flies into Utah, checks into his hotel and then drives to Skanky's home to spend the night. The purpose of the separation is so that he can carry on his affair without my interference.
This is his second affair in the past few months. He admitted to another affair with a woman named Suzie SlutBomb last November.
I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get him to stop this affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end his affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if he would only end the affair. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.
I would so appreciate your support and prayers.
Warmest regards,
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok, sorry, trying to focus.
1) Husband going to gym. When he is gone I will EXPOSE.
2) When he gets back I will say:
I know everything. I know you are having an affair with xxxx and that's not ok. Are you going to end it?
**Steve said, to not go straight into leaving his job gracefully. (He said that the first step would be to get her to leave- not sure about those details but that's what he said) He said to just concentrate on saying, "I'd like you to end the affair."
And if he continues to deny say "Is that your final answer?" And hang up on him (that's when I told him I was going to wait until he was leaving. He of course agreed with everyone on this forum knowing the best time was when he was here.)
3) Tell him he can leave and stay elsewhere?
4) We have Saturday, Sunday and Monday left. Do I offer him any time with the kids this weekend away from me? I didn't want him to make the whole huff and puff scene of packing and stuff. I wanted to do it for him! (At night when kids in bed through the week.) Plan B would sort out the details but that's not finalized yet.
Advice?
thank you
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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I when I say do it "for him" I meant from a power play standpoint he doesn't expect. Like me shipping all his crap to OW's place so I never have to make contact with him again.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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4) We have Saturday, Sunday and Monday left. Do I offer him any time with the kids this weekend away from me? I didn't want him to make the whole huff and puff scene of packing and stuff. I wanted to do it for him! (At night when kids in bed through the week.) Plan B would sort out the details but that's not finalized yet.
Advice?
thank you I would not ask him to leave. Just tell him that you will need to separate from him if he won't end his affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If he packs up and goes to a hotel. Do I "let" him come back as usual the next day?
Sorry- this whole "I will need to separate from him if he won't end his affair" won't do a thing. He 'separated' from me last weekend and didn't want to stay over night this weekend except I had asked him to two weeks ago before getting out of Plan C straight. He already has plans for next weekend and to follow.
In his mind, he is already separated from me.
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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If he packs up and goes to a hotel. Do I "let" him come back as usual the next day?
Sorry- this whole "I will need to separate from him if he won't end his affair" won't do a thing. He 'separated' from me last weekend and didn't want to stay over night this weekend except I had asked him to two weeks ago before getting out of Plan C straight. He already has plans for next weekend and to follow.
In his mind, he is already separated from me. Please don't speak fogbabble to me. Of course he did not "separate" from you. Is he not there? You don't need to worry about any of this this weekend. Just don't kick him out. When he leaves again, you can send him a Plan B letter and do a TRUE separation.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Please don't speak fogbabble to me. Of course he did not "separate" from you. Is he not there? You don't need to worry about any of this this weekend. Just don't kick him out.
When he leaves again, you can send him a Plan B letter and do a TRUE separation. Wow, I'm glad I asked. Don't kick him out. Ok. If his "final answer" is there is no affair. (or he won't end it) Then tell him ok we will need to separate (next weekend) and go on being around him this weekend? (if he doesn't choose himself to go to a hotel?)
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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Please don't speak fogbabble to me. Of course he did not "separate" from you. Is he not there? You don't need to worry about any of this this weekend. Just don't kick him out.
When he leaves again, you can send him a Plan B letter and do a TRUE separation. Wow, I'm glad I asked. Don't kick him out. Ok. If his "final answer" is there is no affair. (or he won't end it) Then tell him ok we will need to separate (next weekend) and go on being around him this weekend? (if he doesn't choose himself to go to a hotel?) Your "final answer" is that you don't need his confession to know about his affair. You already know the truth. You need him to end his affair. And then what? If he agrees to end his affair then what? How will he end the traveling job?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Don't even ASK him if he is having an affair. Just tell him you know all about it.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Please don't speak fogbabble to me. Of course he did not "separate" from you. Is he not there? You don't need to worry about any of this this weekend. Just don't kick him out.
When he leaves again, you can send him a Plan B letter and do a TRUE separation. Wow, I'm glad I asked. Don't kick him out. Ok. If his "final answer" is there is no affair. (or he won't end it) Then tell him ok we will need to separate (next weekend) and go on being around him this weekend? (if he doesn't choose himself to go to a hotel?) Your "final answer" is that you don't need his confession to know about his affair. You already know the truth. You need him to end his affair. And then what? If he agrees to end his affair then what? How will he end the traveling job? I know I don't need him to admit anything. I meant "is that your final answer?" is what I say if he either says. "No I will not end it." or if he never admits it and just keeps talking in circles. How to act throughout the weekend towards him if he sticks around but still says we are separating? Distant? Regular? Happy?, it will just be so awkward...
BS
2 kids- 10yo DS, 5yo DD
Divorced since 12/11/15
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