Post the OW on www.cheaterville.com Internet exposure wreaks havoc in affairland

Ok. I did it.
WH called me saying "what did you do?" and couldn't believe it.
He came home was less angry than I thought (he is a very strong, intimidating man who can get angry) and looked more like a deer in headlights. This was the "weakest" I've seen him.
But, he keeps saying that he wants a divorce. And when I told him to end the affair he said NO. He said she has been a friend to me and she listens to me.
He said it several times. He did attempt a couple of "I was torn but now we are really getting a divorce" lines.
He keeps on saying that he wanted a divorce a long time ago and that we "don't work."
He packed up and went to a hotel and said he'll be here to see the kids at 7.

Since he's been gone he's texted me saying:
"You got me to extend the car lease and sign our apartment lease before dropping the hammer. smart girl."
"I can't believe you did this."
"To be clear I am not leaving you because of my "affairs" or because of anyone."

Now when he comes to see the kids tomorrow how do I act? Through this whole thing I was calm and strong and when he said he wanted a divorce I kept saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, I can't go along with that knowing that we could have something great, etc." But did say when he said that he won't end the affair, ok, well then I need to be separated from you." It seemed silly since he was saying he wants a divorce. but we shall see.
I wish I could just go into Plan B but that will happen when he lives again Monday.

- still unsure of how to act. Normally on Saturday He hangs with the kids while I go to the gym, then we switch. And then go out to dinner as a family.
Any suggestions?

So proud of you, SFL! You did perfect! Remain calm and strong! Remember everyone of them say will divorce u blah blah blah, just fogbabble! Wait for the vets tomorrow giving u more advice!

You handled it perfectly. You are good under pressure.

Do more of the same. Keep outlining your agenda, you want him to ensure she is history and keep ignoring his gas lighting. People who really want a divorce go get one like I did without even mentioning it. He is using it as a threat and it is wonderful to see you not falling for it.

Just being around him - cool, beautiful, strong and taking no [censored] will make love bank deposits.

Encourage the children to be vocal about their feelings. Children are wonderfully just and precise creatures.

The stronger you are, the stronger the headlights look to the deer!

Keep your cool.

I haven't told my kids yet. They were sleeping. My son is 6 and in Kindergarten. Steve told me to say "daddy doesn't want to be here."
Not sure what else to say. Besides I love you very much and this is not your fault- but daddy doesn't want to be here anymore.

Guidance on what to tell a 6 year old?
I was going to wait to tell him depending on how this weekend goes and after WH went back to Utah to prep him for him seeing his dad (and not with mommy) only one day next weekend.

WH just called saying he was in a cab and just wanted to make sure I was going to let him into see the kids. I said. I told you I didn't kick you out, you chose to leave, and yes, I will let you in.

Response from relative of the OW: "Why would your husband cheat on you ? Lets see your an idiot I now your hurt but messaging her relatives is pretty dumb look at why he would seek an extra marital affair then dump his cheating [censored] also if he's having an affair with Bri guess what he's probably had others you don't know about don't put all the blame on her your husband is a dirt bag get divorced get over it and y do women always blame the other woman pit the blame where it belongs !!!!if need help its your husband get a clue"

Should I respond?

You are doing great SFL. Remember you are in Plan A until you push the plan B button.


Don't worry about the negative responses from exposure. Your goal is to break up the affair and the fantasy.

Stay cool and in control. ((hugs))

He keeps saying: let's be clear I'm not leaving you because an affair.
I asked you for a separation a long time ago.
I say: you asked me for a separation when you already met Ktissy and Brianna.
We have everything we need to help make our marriage great and keep our family whole if you would end this affair.
He says we don't work and we are done.
And I say you are choosing to not end this affair so we must be separated.
He says OK.

Here.
Exposing to Children

I read that but he is 6. Any 6 year old versions?
Do I tell my son now, in front of WH?

You listened to this clip and the other clip?

My WH is here, with our children.
I am unable to listen to the radio clips.
Could someone please tell me exactly what to say and if it should be in front of WH?
If I say mommy really wants to make our marriage work,but daddy is choosing not to and wants to go be with another woman.
WH will say all kinds of nonsense about how mommy and daddy just don't work.
He will be so confused. Any guidance appreciated.

Hang in there SFL

I wouldn't engage WH. He's mad and is not going to listen to anything so just let him stew and not bring up any relationship talk. You can not win with logic or educate him...he needs to connect the dots in his brain without you pointing it out IMO. That will only irritate him.

That works and add..."with another woman named (insert name)...daddy works with her" so your child knows who she is.

ETA: If you can tell them without WH around then do so. It will give him less opportunity for him to interrupt if he starts to come unglued.

I would:

Thank you for your response. I do not blame Bri alone. My husband is responsible for his actions and she is responsible for hers. I am well aware of that. Neither is innocent. If my husband and I end up divorced, then at least your family knows what they may be welcoming into their family. Anyone accepting of that is clearly an idiot.

You want her family to slap her upside the head for you. Apply pressure and look good at the same time.

He is sticking with. Our marriage is over. Are you going to tell my work? Even if you do we are done. I need to know what you are going to do.
Let me be clear- we are done. Please tell me if you are going to tell my work so I know if I should quit first.
He then took down photos of us. Kids are around. I told him to leave the photos as is.

Don't worry about the photos, SFL.

SInce he gave you that "in" about quitting, you can say "You may want to quit then" and then leave it alone. Do not argue about money, bills, etc. He will try and put a guilt trip on you about ruining his career/reputation. Just let his head explode wondering about what may happen.

I have to head out. Others may have other ideas from mine. You may want to say nothing about the job...idk. Whatever unfolds, don't get sucked into fighting or chase after him...you will not win.

Prayers and hugs to you, SFL.

Just tell the boy that his dad is having an affair. Tell him the womans name and tell him he has chosen to leave them to have an affair with this woman.