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Ok. I will call Dr. harley's line tomorrow.
I will tell her exactly that. That I suddently felt unhappy about our marriage not working out but that I calmed down....
This is rough stuff... I do feel responsible though. I don't have hate towards her. If I would have been a better husband this wouldn't be happening. I am calmed and accepting my responsiblity. Focused on saving the family.
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You are right about the affair being either sexual or emotional. I will not use that to compare. I did not convinced her into the threesome. I told her that might be a good idea to take our relationship to the next level (of course I didn't know the next level I was going to get was this...) and one day at a party, after her being tipsy, she approached me and said "she is ready"... I was like "what do you mean?" she said "she is ready to have a threesome I just made out with her in the bathroom"... I did maybe brainwashed her into that is a good idea. I also remember that day at the party she said "maybe you can go with her and I can go with the Doctor...". My therapist said she used that threesome as a way for her to get out of the relationship without guilt... The threesome is now her fault!
BW
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You are right....  I just noticed. There is no excuse. I will not mention anything or compare it in anyway. OMG this is so hard!!!
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No is not her fault I am just saying that I didn't put a gun in her head.
Never mind, I was just trying to give details. I take full responsibility.
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Ok. I will call Dr. harley's line tomorrow.
I will tell her exactly that. That I suddently felt unhappy about our marriage not working out but that I calmed down....
This is rough stuff... I do feel responsible though. I don't have hate towards her. If I would have been a better husband this wouldn't be happening. I am calmed and accepting my responsiblity. Focused on saving the family. For right now, you don't need Dr Harley's help. You need our help in killing the affair. Then tomorrow you should make a plan to expose the affair. Does the OM have a facebook page? If so, go to his page tonight and copy and paste all of his contacts into a text doc for safekeeping.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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sorry, sugarcane. I don't know if you are saying that the threesome was her fault as a sarcasm or being for real...
Do you think it was her fault? I don't. I think it was mine but she didn't make it very hard for me...
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do you guys feel I have enough information to expose the affair?
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Ok. I will call Dr. harley's line tomorrow. If you call the coaching centre you will get help from one of Dr Harley's children; either his daughter, Dr Jennifer Chalmers (with whom he co-wrote Surviving an Affair) or his son, Steve Harley. I have never coached with them but people here who have done so speak very highly of them. However, my preferred option for you is to get advice from Dr Harley himself, and you can get this free by sending an email to him at the radio show. I posted about the radio show to you on your thread in the Recovery forum, and you chewed me out for it. I have copied my post from that thread here. I urge you to re-read that thread because it had information that you need today. Here is my post from a few months ago: You need Dr Harley's direct help, which you can get free by emailing the radio show. He will read your email and answer it on air (your names will not be revealed), and he might ask you if you want to be a guest on the radio show, as well - which you do not have to be to get your query dealt with.
I suggest that you tell him all the details of the threesome, your affair that followed with that woman, and the affair when you were separated, and that you also tell him about your wife's closeness to her professor (as well as the details of her going back to school to become a dentist, starting a successful business but then resenting you for not earning a traditional wage).
Dr Harley needs to see the full picture of how bad the marriage has been, and how much and what kind of betrayal there has been. If you leave out details, you will not get appropriate advice.
My suspicion is that your persuading your wife to have a threesome for you benefit, as you did, was experienced by her as pimping her out and not caring about her. Following that up with an affair with that woman and then with another one just confirmed to her that you did not care about her at all, and she gave up on the marriage. You have been trying to show love and care recently, but to your wife it feels too late and she is happy for the marriage to break up. If you go threatening her with separation or any kind of punishment for being withdrawn from you, you will just confirm what she already knows - which is that you do not cherish her or care when you hurt her, and she will just be relieved to be rid of you.
You need to get Dr Harley's advice on how to change that impression - and I suspect that it will be that you need to Plan A her for a very long time. The first affair was a year ago but you have not been back together for a year yet and you are already talking about giving up. That doesn't say much for your resolve to fix what you broke.
You won't get proper advice if you do not paint a full picture to Dr Harley. Obviously, you need to give details of your wife's affair.
BW
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sorry, sugarcane. I don't know if you are saying that the threesome was her fault as a sarcasm or being for real...
Do you think it was her fault? I don't. I think it was mine but she didn't make it very hard for me... I think you are an idiot to even try and explain it! Why are you talking about it? How is this helping you to prepare for when she comes home tonight?
BW
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Thanks surgarcane. And I did and I do apologize for chewing you out...
I will send an email with all the details to Dr. Harley as you mention.
Thanks for being there despite everything.
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I will do this that you mention. I think she will still be suspicious. I will have to put up my best act.
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do you guys feel I have enough information to expose the affair? I'm going to leave you in MelodyLane's (and other people's) hands about exposure. Mel and others here are experts at that. They know all about Facebook and social media and I know very little. Take Mel's advice on whether you have enough evidence to confront and do exactly as she says.
BW
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What evidence do you have now?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mel, here is most of what he said about evidence: I just found out today, by looking at my wife's phone calls that she's been having an affair with the doctor for more than one year. I have not confronted her yet because she is working actually with her lover in our dental office. I am home with my kid. I just found more than 270 calls since last year and more than 2000 minutes of conversation. and I don't know how can I get more proofs. How can these proofs not be enough.
1. she is denying any type of communication
2. phone calls every day with place of origin the city where he lives.
3. calls for just one or two minute, calls late at night, one at 4am
I had an affair and was caught the same way and my calls were like hers...
please advice and thanks again for the help. It sounds like he can see the phone records but has not heard the calls or read any text messages. The calls originating from OM's city sound pretty convincing to me, but I wonder if he needs more than that to expose to other people, including OM's wife.
BW
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I was hoping there was more than that because phone calls do not an affair make. lovemyfamily, how can you get more evidence? Have you checked her emails? Texts? Can you get recordings of her phone calls?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The only other thing that occurs to me is following her...
Btw my wife's lover got divorced about a year ago...
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The only other thing that occurs to me is following her...
Btw my wife's lover got divorced about a year ago... When and where do you think she meets up with him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The only other thing that occurs to me is following her...
Btw my wife's lover got divorced about a year ago... Did you read my suggestion to record her with your phone? You could do this tonight.
BW
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with that many phone calls, you should be able to easily see a pattern for when they talk the most minutes. Look at those bills and connect the dots for the time frame. Where is she during that time?
lovemyfamily, you absolutely need to calm down, you have a long important road ahead, and you need your strength, okay?
Go out tomorrow and buy a couple of voice activated recorders, and HIDE them in the places where she is when she makes the longest phone calls. It should only take one or two days to get enough proof to expose.
TONIGHT you just play cool cucumber and then tomorrow when she is out of the house, you get to work on getting the VAR(s). Or, like Melody says, if you can snoop for texts or emails, go for it.
DDays - six months of them THANK YOU God and Marriage Builders. We never knew that it could be this good! 
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I believe they meet at his home.
I have a recording device in the office I will bring home to see if I can catch something.
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