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That's great! Remember this feeling when you get discouraged. Your empowerment will stick around more and more and more. So proud of you!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Wow just read my whole thread from the start. I've even surprised myself at how far I've come. What a mess I was back then!
Back then everything was so raw and even though the advice I was getting was spot on it was like I wasn't really 'there' if you know what I mean. I was so caught up in my pain that I wasn't really listening. In fear. And now I read back on what everyone was writing it just makes so much sense now and having lots of A-HA moments.
So now I'm onto Week 4 of Plan B. When I first started Plan B every day seemed to last forever and I would cry all day and night. Nearly 4 weeks now I feel empowered and know 100 percent I am doing the right thing.
At first I did think i was doing Plan B for my H to come back to me. Of course I still want him to come home to me. But now I realise more importantly as everyone has pointed out to me, is that it is for ME. For me to heal. For me to become a stronger better person. To become the best mother I can be for my DS.
When I first started Plan B four weeks ago I never thought I could do this. It was hard there's no doubt about it. I nearly caved and called him and I fought with myself about it so many times. But I didn't cave. I was strong. And you know what? It's second nature to me now. I don't fight with myself to call him. I know my plan and I stick to it. I know that I will not cave. I'm doing it and surviving!
It's getting easier each day. I can't believe how fast this time has gone. At the start the days would go so slow and drag on. But I'm keeping busy and enjoying my time with my son and planning my trip.
It feels good to have a plan.
Thank you everyone here for being so super duper awesome and believing in me.
I still love WH with all my heart and pray for a chance for our marriage to recover. But as Susie says ' I don't have a deathgrip anymore'!
I'm going to make my life the best I can be and I won't be treated like a doormat anymore. It's my time to shine!!
Thank you everybody here you have all been my saviour!
Indie you're definately right the first three weeks were the hardest. I can feel myself going higher up the rollercoaster now.
I will be realistic though and know this may change and I may go low again, but for the time being I'm enjoying feeling strong and empowered.  You've come so far, RS! Just a quick reminder to stay strong. As someone who has BTDT, you can get sucked back into the wayward's drama easily if you let your guard down. Hugs!
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Oh yes. And I also wanted to say, it just keeps getting better. In the early weeks and months of Plan B, there was instant relief, but at, say, 1.5+ yrs, I could give a crap what WS and OW4 were doing, so long as they left me alone. Keep it up! 
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Thanks so much Neak and Susie. I do feel I have a come a long way. Thank goodness for everybody here or I'd still be in Plan C.
I will find it hard not to get sucked back into drama so I am going to be very mindful of that and try my best to stay strong and keep up the empowered feelings I've been having.
To do this I have to remain very dark and not let anybody tell me stuff about H and OW.
The only time I wish to hear about H is if he leaves OW and turns up on my doorstep with a promise of NC with OW and agreeing to my plan of recovery. I've endured so much pain these last two years he has been with her so it's all up to him now to prove himself by actions.
I guess time will tell if he is serious about recovering our marriage and family.
In the meantime I be the best ME I can be!
I will have to read your story Susie. You give so much great advice along with everyone here. I always learn so much from other's experiences. There's always something you can take away from it and learn by.
I do hope my empowerment stays. It kind of just crept up on me!
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Joined: Oct 2007
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I will have to read your story Susie. You give so much great advice along with everyone here. I always learn so much from other's experiences. There's always something you can take away from it and learn by. I don't really have a thread, except for the original one back in 2007. After I discovered affair 3 in 2011, ex WH posted here and he does have a thread which is very good read, lots of good advice and maybe a cautionary tale of how there will just be a FR if a WS is not truly on board and willing to give up IB and SSL. I can give you the link if you would want to read it...
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Sounds good Susie. Thanks in advance.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Posts: 11,650
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Superstar!
I'd say you're over that really want-to-die bad part so now you know you can face anything else that comes.
It's not over by a long chalk but it's never as bad as that again. There were still points for me when it had been months and months, I was very happy and I still got a destructive itch to Google him or something - which would have set me back.
I think though, when you've had a taste of Plan B power you realise you can do it - do anything.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Hi Indie
Yes thank goodness those first weeks are behind me. It was pure pain. It is getting easier but today I feel a bit down again.
Up and down up and down I go. I miss him.
When the sadness comes I am getting better at picking myself up again.
I finally finished reading your thread last night the whole 160 pages. What an inspiration you are and how far you've come!
Did you ever find out if softlad and OW broke up?
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Posts: 11,650
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Hmmm not really as I never sought out info.
There are still people who try to tell me things, so I imagine if they had got together in any open way, I would have heard at least a rumbling about it.
As you know, they denied any romantic attachment to other quite vigorously post-exposure. My feeling is the friendship cover failed miserably, so he took a job overseas to show people he wasn't seeing her.
They probably did continue to communicate and perhaps they do to this day. It makes sense that they do (never faced up to reality) and it also makes sense that they don't (no future, and the past covered by shame).
Given that I don't allow any kind of IM message these days (he is not my business) it is even possible that he reached full repentance.
But I honestly don't care which version of sad/crazy it ended up at.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Hmmm not really as I never sought out info.
There are still people who try to tell me things, so I imagine if they had got together in any open way, I would have heard at least a rumbling about it.
As you know, they denied any romantic attachment to other quite vigorously post-exposure. My feeling is the friendship cover failed miserably, so he took a job overseas to show people he wasn't seeing her.
They probably did continue to communicate and perhaps they do to this day. It makes sense that they do (never faced up to reality) and it also makes sense that they don't (no future, and the past covered by shame).
Given that I don't allow any kind of IM message these days (he is not my business) it is even possible that he reached full repentance.
But I honestly don't care which version of sad/crazy it ended up at. After I wrote that question to you I thought ' I bet Indie says she doesn't know because she never made it her business to know'. A true Plan B answer! You're so strong it's amazing!
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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It really does take time. I have been there on the floor
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Thanks Susie I will read.
After my recent feelings of empowerment I cried a lot this morning. Let it all out. Kept thinking of H and how much I miss him and love him.
Picked myself up again this afternoon. My DS is a godsend. Having him is my reason to keep going. I haven't cried in front of him anymore which is good. I am being strong for him.
Thanks everyone
Last edited by rocksolid; 06/03/14 12:04 PM.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 497
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OP
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 497 |
It really does take time. I have been there on the floor Me too. I hate hearing of others that have been in the same pain. But helps me in a way to know I'm not alone. And shows me that I can get up and will one day be okay. I still feel so terrible for the pain I caused my H in the first place. How I wish I can make up for that one day too.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 497
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I just read the thread Susie thanks for that. Yes so much good advice for a WS that was unfortunately ignored. I wish my H could read that advice too and have it somehow sink into him.
Hugs to you for all you've been through ((Susie))
Last edited by rocksolid; 06/03/14 01:08 PM.
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 10,179
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Posts: 10,179 |
The person you're becoming RIGHT NOW is making up for the awful person you used to be. WH will either take the opportunity or not, but YES you are making up for it already!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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The person you're becoming RIGHT NOW is making up for the awful person you used to be. WH will either take the opportunity or not, but YES you are making up for it already! There's a quote that goes something like this. "If you continue to make the mistake you can never learn from it. " By ending your affair you stopped the mistake and now your learning from it. I think that is called wisdom.
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I just read the thread Susie thanks for that. Yes so much good advice for a WS that was unfortunately ignored. I wish my H could read that advice too and have it somehow sink into him.
Hugs to you for all you've been through ((Susie)) Thanks Despite that nightmare, I'm doing great and it's all thanks Plan B, RS! Stick with it and soon enough you will care less about WH and wonder how you dealt with a wayturd for so long!
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Thanks Susie I will read.
After my recent feelings of empowerment I cried a lot this morning. Let it all out. Kept thinking of H and how much I miss him and love him.
Picked myself up again this afternoon. My DS is a godsend. Having him is my reason to keep going. I haven't cried in front of him anymore which is good. I am being strong for him.
Thanks everyone I'm glad you picked yourself up. This all looks on track to me. After the first high, you do get a dip - which we told you to expect. Also, after each dip you get a high. The roller coaster levels out over time and because you are learning how to level yourself out, I predict you will do great.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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The person you're becoming RIGHT NOW is making up for the awful person you used to be. WH will either take the opportunity or not, but YES you are making up for it already! Thanks Neak. I know I am becoming a better person. I just wish I had a chance to prove it to H's family. Hopefully that day will come one day. I am currently reading Blue Castle. I'm loving it so far how Valancy is not afraid anymore. Think she might be my new fictional hero. I am loving seeing her emerge into this strong new woman. I'm up to the part where she marries Barney. I have laughed quite a lot so far especially the things she blurts out at the family dinner!
Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW
Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
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