Thanks Tranquil. I have definately learned from my mistakes. I will never cause such hurt and destruction again. How's things going with you?

I'm so glad you're doing great now. Somedays I want to break Plan B but I'm not fighting with myself over it now. I have my moments where I want to call him but then I remember my Plan and know I am doing the right thing. If my H wants me then he will find a way. But I will not share him with OW.

I think my holiday is going to do wonders for my self esteem and help me to get away from all the drama.

Thanks Indie. I'm feeling okay. I am very proud of myself the way I pick myself up more and more now. I continually read and learn and listen to uplifting songs and spend my time productively.

After Blue Castle I'm onto Anne's house of dreams as I've read the first couple.

Can you believe it will be a month of Plan B this week. I never thought I could do this!

It's good knowing people are rooting for me

I want to write something one day. It's been a dream for as long as I can remember. I have a few ideas for a story, one is a story for the 10 - 12 age range. The other is a funny one for grown ups. I've written some ideas down but not really sure where to start. That will be a goal very soon is to start a writing course called Unlocking Creativity. Then after that I can do some more courses to try and get started. I think in 2015 this will be my next journey. Even if I fail at least I will have tried.

A quote from one on my favourite songs 'God knows I've failed, but he knows that I've tried'.

You'll find that, like the rest of us, Valancy isn't 100% perfect. But by the time her hard-won bravery slips a bit, she already has a new habit laid down, making it that much easier to get back on track.

The whole thing is such an adorable book. Can't wait till you get to the ending.

That Susie is pretty awesome isn't she?

Yes!

I finished The Blue Castle. Loved it! You know I had an inkling that Barney deep down loved Valancy. And the biggest shock for me was that he was John Foster!

I loved seeing Valancy grow into a strong independent woman with her own thoughts and feelings and not doing what was expected of her anymore. I want my own Blue Castle. The view sounds amazing!

So I did something today but not sure if it was a good move or not. When it was pick up time for my DS my H's daughter came to the door to get my son. My H was waiting in the car.

Background - my H's daughter and I had a difficult relationship when we were all living together. She is 15. I have known her since she was 4 and her real mother is not in the picture a lot and was doing drugs and left her kids with my H full time.

So his daughter is quite a handful and been in lots of trouble at school etc. A few months ago my H decided that because she was so out of control that she should go back and live with her real mother and let her see how good she really had it with him. So she has now been off living with her mother (still a druggie I think) for a couple of months. Her mother is a terrible mother and I still can't believe my H let her go.

Sidenote: OW doesn't like my H's daughter and has apparently told my H that it would be worth it for him to pay child support just to get her out of the house! ( I can't believe my H still stays with OW while she is pushing for his daughter to move out). Another proof what a control freak she is. Surely this can't last??

Anyway so his daughter comes to the door today. 6 months ago she hated me too when she found out me and H had been sleeping together behind OW's back. I would see her occasionally and she slowly became more polite but not really nice. She's the type to be nice to your face and bad mouth behind your back.

But I was genuinely happy to see her today. I asked her if she was back living with her dad and she said she No she was only back for the weekend. I was nice to her and asked lots of questions. I really just wanted to be nice you know?

I then told her I was really sorry for everything that had happenned. I told her I was sorry for the way I treated her and I hoped one day I could make it up to her. She smiled and said 'That's okay I didn't make it easy either'.

I was a bit emotional but I'm glad I said it.

I don't know if she was genuine accepting my apology or not. It's likely she may have gone back and said something nasty behind my back. This is just how she is sometimes.

Is it wrong I try and make amends to his family when I'm in Plan B if I get an opportunity? Maybe it will help them to see me in a better light down the track, them knowing I am repentant for everything that has happenned?

But then on the other hand it will probably get back to H, and in a roundabout way that means I am having contact with him and he knows what I'm doing?

I just saw a rare opportunity and I took it. And in the back of my mind I was hoping she might tell OW and send her into a jealous rage or something. Or would this work against me, because then OW knows I still want H and that will make her more determined to win against me??

Anyway it's done now. I really wanted to apologise to her and she and I didn't have a good relationship. I wanted to do the grown-up thing KWIM?

It's now been a month since I've spoken to my H. It hurts that he can even go this long without doing a thing. I know it's a long road. Just somedays are longer than others. I miss him so much.

Had a few down days again. This is so tough. Been wanting to call him again but haven't.

This was about that poor unwanted girl, not any of the side issues trying to crowd into your mind. Of course she's traumatized and acting out, with a druggie mother and a crackho-addicted father who is listening to the crackho about sending his OWN LITTLE GIRL back to a druggie.

So of course do whatever you can to make her life better. That's not about trying to get back in with WH's amoral family - you DO NOT want to do that! This is about ministering to a hurting girl, and letting her know that you care about her.

Who cares what WH finds out, or thinks, or anything else? This isn't about him.

And report the situation anonymously to CPS asap. There needs to be an official investigation to make sure your DSD is safe.

Thanks Neak. My H's mother has always blamed me for H's daughters problems saying I wasn't nice enough etc and I'm the reason she turned out like she did. I tried so hard with her for so long.

She always seemed to blame me but never blamed her real mother. I just want to make things up to her if I ever get a chance.

I think it was a set back, but a worthy one. Sometimes even indirect contact sends a Plan Ber into a tailspin - but it's worth it for something that has to be done like a lawyers meet or something.

I think you gave yourself a few bad days purely so you could give that poor forsaken kid a pick me up. I agree you should notify the authorities too. You're a kind person Rock.

Thanks Indie. My H's family sure don't think I'm a kind person though.

I had something nice happen to me yesterday. I made a mistake at work last week and I was positive I was going to lose my job. My boss was not happy. We had a meeting yesterday to catch up and I was preparing for the worst.

She handed me an envelope and said she had something for me. I opened it up and there was quite a lot of money in there. She said it was a bonus because I worked so hard and was loyal to her and she appreciated me. She said I want you to go and spend it on your holiday and have a great time.

I couldn't believe it, she has never given bonuses before. I said 'I thought you were going to fire me'!

It's nice to feel appreciated

Let me edit that for you, ever so slightly.

haha thanks for that Neak. I do need to remember that other people think I'm kind And not worry about people who don't.

Great post - no edits needed.

Is there any articles about the fog? I feel my WH is so entrenched in the fog and will never come out.