I'm finding it so hard to go back Plan B. When i first started Plan B 5 weeks ago it didn't seem this hard and I coped okay.

I now feel hopeless like I did 6 months ago when WH first shot me down in his office and chose OW.

Maybe because he has shot me down again. I'm low and crying again. Maybe because I know deep down it is really over and things will not change.

I've only been back on AD's for 2 days so not seeing any results yet.

I really need encouragament to keep strong. I hate feeling so alone and not even having anyone to give me a hug.

I want to drag myself out of this hole.

Yes my taker is coming out. I'm trying to identify this trigger I'm having. I'm thinking my triggers are coming late afternoon when I know WH is at work in the afternoons when no one else is there. It's when he and I would mostly talk on the phone when everybody would go home.

So I keep thinking of that knowing what time it is and wanting to call him for a chat.

My son is with me so we are going to play a game.

Maybe I should find something to do at this time each afternoon so I'm not tempted.

Finding something to do during the trigger period in the afternoon is an excellent idea. Maybe you could consider a class: yoga, dance, computer. Or a daily walk with your friend or child. Get out of the house and get your mind off a call and your H by doing something very engaging.

Activity classes are perfect because you have to focus on the task at hand. I take a dance class twice a week and everything else has no choice but to fly out of my brain so I can concentrate on following the teacher and learning the moves and choreography.

Get out your calendar and schedule in something for every day this week, something you can look forward to and that will engage your mind in something else.

By the way I've started to read the Blue Castle thanks to this thread and oh my goodness!

How did this book elude me for so long??!! It's perfect Plan B reading.

rubber band around your wrist. snap each time you think of calling/writing/pot-stirring.

soon you will associate pain with those thoughts.

You're having a bad stretch but your attitude is excellent. Backslides - and I had a few - do feel worse, just as false recoveries feel worse than the original Dday.

When I look back at the really, really tough parts of that uphill climb - the parts that were almost vertical, like what you are pushing thorough now - I feel so proud of myself. I did it.

I have done a few hill walks since then, Ben Nevis in Scotland and Mount Snowden in Wales and although a novice walker I told myself no one can get an uphill climb done like I can. Because nothing I ever do will ever be as tough as recovering from infidelity. Everything else is a cake walk. It is satisfying to get to the top of a hill and know that if you can do this, you can do anything.

I am at least 90 per cent more fearless and determined post Plan-B and I don't think I am unusual in that respect. It makes you tough.

And yet the only thing you need to do it, and do it right is determination.

So how do our brains work? The entire brain operates on 10 watts of electricity. Each brain cell has many fibers called dendrites which receive all kinds of information constantly. One long fiber called the axon transmits messages between cells. 3T:369

The microscope shows us that on the end of the axon are tiny enlargements called boutons (French, for �buttons�). These boutons secrete chemicals (ACH and GABA) which stimulate the next cell to send a message down the nerve path to whatever muscle or organ is to be activated. But there is no direct connection between the axon and the next cell�s dendrites, only a tiny space, called the synapse. How does the message get across this synapse? Through the chemicals of the boutons.

Here is where it gets interesting. Some axons have more boutons than others. Why? Because that axon has been stimulated more than others. More stimulation, more boutons. With more boutons, the easier it is the next time for similar messages to flow along that particular pathway. Habits are forming!

How are boutons formed? Any thought or act forms a bouton. Thoughts and acts often repeated build more boutons on the end of that particular axon so that it becomes easier to repeat that same thought or act when the same situation is again faced. Just like cutting across the lawn eventually wears a worn path, so repeated thoughts actually produce physical and chemical changes in our nerve pathways. Thoughts don�t vanish into thin air, they are etched into a biochemical pattern that we call habits.

The good news and the bad news is that boutons never disappear. Right! Frightening, as well as assuring! For example, recovered alcoholics tell each other that they �are always� alcoholics. So they avoid friends who drink and places where alcohol is likely to be served Chocoholics and those involved in �fatal attractions� with the opposite sex, never lose those boutons that make it easier for them to �cave in� the next time temptation stares them in the face.[1]

But the good news is that the bad-habit boutons can be overpowered by good-habit boutons. Those who find it easy to be angry, to be lazy or self-centered, can believe that with the right set of the mind and the power of God, new habits of self-control, industriousness, and caring can be established firmly. Solomon is right: We are what we think.

Sounds too easy? Here is how we build more yes or no boutons, whichever is appropriate for the occasion. For example, when we are used to saying �Yes� to bad choices, we must build �No� boutons.