RHLady,

I just listened to the radio show. You did a good job telling your story. Have you had the chance to listen to the show this afternoon?

Dr. and Mrs Harley made plenty of sense to me. Are you going to follow though with their recommendations? Will your sister be helping you?

Please remember that in addition to your family that we are here for you.

AM

Please read this and heed Dr. Harley's advice.

How to Plan B Correctly

Except you won't be writing him a Plan B Letter.

What did you think of their advice?

I did listen to the show, one of my sons has already listened to it, and my sister is listening tonight. I will follow through but it is not going to be easy for me. He really is like an addiction to me...and I hate that about myself.

Why? None of us are any different. Everybody is addicted to whomever they are in love with. The problem is not you, it is him.

Just think of it like quitting smoking. At first it is holy hell but you miss it less and less every day. After a couple of months you feel better than you have in AGES. That is what will happen to you.

I thought I was on my way...I felt more in control of my life when I changed the locks, packed his stuff, spending time with my family...then I started missing him again. I feel foolish, especially at my age. I sure did not expect to be going through something like this at 56.

Don't feel badly about yourself. You have many positives in your life. You are a loving, caring person. As Mr Eureka said, the problem is your husband, not you. And as Mel said, you will feel better.

What was your son's reaction?

AM

56? ... Many, MANY great times ahead for you, RHLady!

We all see your underlying strength. You have it in you to build a much better life for yourself. And it will not be one dependent on a dangerous louse like your husband is.

One foot in front of the other RHL... You can do this....

Do not worry about how you will feel next hour, tomorrow. Just follow the plan.

You have excellent support in your family, and your MB family.

You can do this.

But it isn't permanent - the first few weeks of No Contact will suck and then it will just get better and better. Red, we have ALL gone through this. At one stage when I first went NC with my H I thought I would have to tie myself to a chair to prevent myself from calling him. I was in pieces crying. I was absolutely on the floor, not caring about the logic, just wanting to hear his voice. That was AFTER he'd had an A with one of my best friends! I never thought that would be me. Now I don't even give him a second thought.

Every human being is addicted once they have built a love bank for another. Your H may have built one under false pretences, but to your neural system, until you have gone through withdrawal, it is just as real as if he was really the great guy he pretended be. No one, of any age, is above feeling the pain of a lovebank withdrawal.

RHLady,

Are you there? Doing ok today?

AM

Here is your show.
Radio Clip of redheadedlady

I am away for the weekend registering my son for college. I will have limited computer time.

It has been one long exhausting weekend. I love the college my son picked but I will still worry about him when he leaves in the fall.

We had a good time this weekend...even when we got a little lost a couple of times. He wanted to eat at a particular restaurant and we drove all over creation before we found it. We are both tired though.

I am currently trying to work up enough energy to go to my niece's graduation party.

Is energy a problem? How is eating and sleeping?

Still having some issues with appetite and sleeping. I went to a domestic abuse counseling group today.

RHLady,

Did you make it to the graduation party?

I can't recall. Are you taking anti-depressants? They can be a great help during the upheaval of these changes.

AM

I did not attend the graduation party. My son and I had been out of town at his college orientation and it took us 4 hours to get home, that is why I was tired.

I am on ADs.

RHLady,

Are you seeing/talking to your husband? Is that why you have been absent from the forum?

AM

Yes I am still talking to him and it is part of the reason that I have been absent. I have started domestic abuse counseling through a local shelter and they are helping me.

The major reason that I have been absent is that I have a crisis in my family I am trying to deal with...actually two.

Sorry but no one is buying that. It's no good an alcoholic continuing to drink just so long as they go to an odd meeting. The shelter will want to help you, but they can't if you won't help yourself.

You have to treat your love for him as an addiction. Block out contact because you can't handle it. You will experience some weeks of great pain in withdrawal - but at least you will start to feel better soon. The current contact means every time you are in contact with him you feel less energy, less hope, less life. You're turning into a shadow.




Again, they can't help you if you won't help yourself. It's no good taking pain medicine while volunteering for more pain.

You've decided to be a victim, which is your choice but my heart is frozen with pity for your children who have already lost their father.

Now they have front row seats to watch you get worn down by a dangerous and abusive man. It's only a matter of time before he has access to you physically and he isn't safe.

I am extremely worried about you and I don't know you. If I loved you I would be distracted.



Then you and your family don't have time for the walking-train-wreck-meets-a-greek-tragedy that is your H. Actually I preferred Dr H's description of him: "Monster".