I would focus HERE---------------> [b][color:#FF0000][size:17pt]EXPOSURE 101[/size][/color][/b] for the best return on your investment.

For the last 3 YEARS you have been meeting her needs and eliminating love busters, essentially a part of Plan A. She has even recognized the change and stated that you have become a good husband, according to your own words. However, attempting to meet her needs WITHOUT exposure has not ended the A and she is now threatening to divorce.

So clearly, if you continue simply trying to meet her needs and eliminate LB's, without also enforcing the 'stick' of Plan A by doing a wide exposure to her affair, then you will continue on the path you have already been on.

You should be focusing on exposure here. This is a long term, very entrenched affair, and your wife is about to walk out. You cannot change the course of this unless you get serious.

Jo jo you are putting the cart before the horse. Plan A starts with exposure because all the energy you spend on meeting her needs and not doing any love busters is just spinning your wheels because until the affair is over you have less then 0% chance of winning her back. If she repented of the affair she would be like what Paul describes in

2 Corinthians 7:11
See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.


Plus the fact that you allowing her to treat you like a doormat makes you even less attractive to her.

As a paster you would more then likely risk losing your job by not exposing then by exposing. If people find out that you have been dishonest about this especially if they look to you for guidance they will be hurt and very angry that you were not honest. That is why dishonesty is a love buster. You need to be as transparent as possible and get a lot of support and preys. I would include your elders as people to expose to and I would get their help in figuring out who else need to know in the your church. I don't know if you have seen it happen but I have, when people find out their paster has been dishonest with them they run him out. If you were the one having the affair it would be different, but you can not protect her and still help others be righteous.

I'm sure you have been the person pleading for another person to do the right thing because you know that is the best thing for them. We are doing that for you right now. And don't take advice from people that haven't proven there advice to be sound. As with most therapist if you ask them they will tell you that they are not very successful with saving marriages or they don't keep track. Marriage builders have proven themselves for decades.

As you already know the lawyer is just an excuse to delay what you know you have to do. Although seeing a lawyer is sometimes wise when planning for Plan B, they are not needed in Plan A. You need to expose yesterday.

**edit**

"Plus the fact that you allowing her to treat you like a doormat makes you even less attractive to her. " While true that is so hard not to do when you are trying your hardest to keep her.

Dr. Harley encourages exposing affairs "far and wide." (the exact term used on his Radio Show).

When you build your exposure list are you including families and officials from the little league? They need to know that he is a threat to other wives.

Have you contacted the other man's (ex)wife?
When you talk to her gather:
1. His family's contact info that you will use during exposure.
2. Any dirt on him(arrst record, other affairs, abuse, etc.) that you can casually leave for your wife to show her that there is illogical to leave you get with this POSOM.

In addition to exposure, have you been tested for STD/I?

JoJo,
You have to realize that you are at war: a war to save your marriage. The battlefront of this war is the affair, and you muster all of your resources, focus, and convictions to kill it. Destroy the affair and your marriage stands a chance. Do you want that?

Exposure will not be comfortable, but it will empower you. It is the saber you must wield, and the truth will completely disrupt the affair.

Expose to the other man, his wife, family and friends. Expose to your family and friends, and to your wife's. Follow the steps laid out in the link Melody Lane gave you. And let your children know.

Do this in one steady blow. Don't trickle out the information.

Your wife will be furious. She may leave and she will hate you for doing it. But her anger will pass over time, and if you are able to recover your marriage, she will be glad that you fought for her and admire your stout heart and courage.

Your passivity has only enabled the affair. You must become assertive and strategic.

Time to go to war, friend.