Have a wonderful time.

I'm back from Canada. My DS and I had such a great time and I didn't want to come home! Loved the scenery and all the Anne sites.

Upon returning home I felt relaxed and better to cope with things.

My DD came to visit me today and blurted out that my WH has definately bought a house with OW and they are moving into it in 10 weeks. I am gutted. I don't know how to cope with this. The one thing that I knew would lessen our chances of reconciliation is now real and happening.

I hate my WH so much and love him at the same time. He knew that this would devestate me and has gone and done it anyway.

I can't stop crying. My DS doesn't even know yet because we have been away.

I just want to move on and I don't know how.

I guess OW is pretty happy with herself that she has nabbed him and got the closest thing to commitment she is going to get from him.

I feel this is the final straw and all chances of us reconciling are now gone. OW will never be leaving now.

To find out on the day I get back from my holiday is devastating. I don't know what to do anymore.

I just always thought he'd come back but after this I know it won't be happenning.

Looks like my WH is going to be in the 5 percent that last.

So sad and lost.

Sorry that this information has caused you pain.

You need to tell your DD18 that's it's too painful to hear anything about your WH and to ask her please to not tell you.

Dark plan B means, sometimes you have to tell others not to tell you things.

Will you do this?

I will do this.

I feel so consumed by this information though and feel I have lost all chances now. I'm starting to hate him for all he has done to me.

Rock he is neither here nor there. It's impossible to avoid pain upon experiencing direct news but this is hardly a game changer. You knew he wasn't off helping orphans or creating homes for the homeless. You knew he was doing whatever he could to keep his affair/addiction going.

Since you do know this; remind me, did you get legal advice about how to protect your finances? He is a married man and he doesn't have any money of his own. It's marital funds he is using to buy a home with.

By the by I think your trip has done you a lot of good. This was your worst fear yet you sound really strong. Sounds awesome as well! Call your lawyer then give us DETAILS.

Hi Indie

My IM has been telling me to speak to my lawyer too. When my WH left financial papers in my son's school bag weeks ago he had written an amount on them that he wanted to give me for our financial settlement. He wants to do it all privately and not have lawyers involved and doesn't want to pay lawyers fees.

I disagree with this. I want to take the papers to a lawyer for advice on what to do.

I need to think what is best for my DS now.

Though if I go to a lawyer and ask for more money, WH will get nasty and will likely divorce me immediately. And probably marry OW no doubt.

I felt that was the only thing I had in my favour was that he hadn't divorced me.

Maybe I should just divorce him. I can definately feel the love depleting from my LB.

I'm trying to think of a positive to take out of this information of him buying a house with OW. The only positive I can think is that it makes me more determined not to contact him. I'm so hurt and angry and I don't want to speak to him.

I'm sick of his lies and promises. He even told me that OW was not his forever woman and hoped me and him would end up back together some day. I'm sick of being a doormat. The way he has treated me has been so cruel and the hurt I feel is unbearable.

Trying to Plan Nice him into not divorcing you is absurd as he is shacked up with another woman.

Stay on plan. An integral part of the plan is to protect the money. You want a solvent recovery. Whether personal or marital. Do whatever it takes. A lot of Plan Bers had to divorce to protect the money. It doesn't mean you can't remarry upon the end of the A. That happens a lot.

You're right Indie of course. I do want some sort of recovery that's for sure. At the moment I just want to feel better for ME. I hate feeling like this and I want to heal.

I guess I'm now learning the real concept of Plan B. At first it was all about getting WH back. Now it's all about getting MYSELF back.

I really don't see his A ending anymore though. OW is obsessed and she won't be leaving. And WH is not a strong enough person anymore to leave her. And his parents are way too involved in his life for this to ever end. I see this. I've pretty much given up hope now for this A to end.

It kills me but I somehow have to accept this.

Thank goodness for my wonderful son who shows me all the love in the world. I'm so thankful for him.

You WILL recover yourself. You've recovered so much of yourself already, and will only get better and stronger.

Stay strong, and stay out of the way. The A has its best chance of collapsing with you far out of the picture. In the meantime, consider yourself to be protecting family assets from a crack fiend. You're not being mean, you're protecting what rightfully belongs to the family - to your son.

You'll be able to move mountains for your DS that would have scared you to death to move only for you.

Hi Neak

I don't feel strong after this. I can't cope with the info that he has bought a house with her.

Should I just divorce and move on? I can't deal with this anymore.

The pain is so great I don't know what to do anymore. I can't see forward anymore. His life is all mapped out and I have no idea where my life is going.

I've put up with so much pain and hurt and I can't cope anymore. I'm on the AD's but what's the point anymore.

Please help me pick myself up. I feel the worst I have ever felt. I know in my heart it is over. He's not coming back now. I tried so hard and fought so hard.

Indie I know you think I sound strong but I'm really not

It just seems like he is always twisting the knife into my heart. There's always something to make me sad. When will this hurt ever stop. Why does he keep doing this to me?

I deserve to be happy.

That last sentence is why you are stronger. You never used to say that.

The pain you feel is not weakness, it is pain. Strength is what you decide to do with the pain.

Strength is continuing to conquer the mountain when your legs ache.

Go see a lawyer. Tell him you will divorce when it is in YOUR best interests to do so: either a) to protect funds or b) when you are emotionally ready. You won't divorce as a reaction to his nonsense.

Then put in place blocks so you don't hear more news. Treat yourself well, continue healing.

Lots of hugs today my lovely. I had days like this too.

It's so hard to conquer that mountain. I don't even know how to get through each day.

It hurts so much he is off living his life and not caring how I feel and how alone I am.

I want to know where my life is heading and I have no clue. Everywhere I go are happy couples in love and I wish for that and it gets me down.

Life is so short and I don't understand how he can go off and live his life with someone else when I know deep down he loves me. What if something terrible happens one day and we never get a chance?

My mind is all over the place. I keep wanting to contact him and tell him how hurt I am. Why can't I stop this way of thinking?

I'm so emotional and I'm still jet lagged and my sleep is all over the place. Every day is so painful and I feel I can't function.

Even basic things like unpacking my suitcase and tidying the house is a massive effort and I can't bring myself to do it.

It feels so much like last year when I confronted OW and he chose her over me.

I want to get past this I'm sick of feeling like this.

You need to keep finding distractions that focus on you and making you feel good!

Oh that's too big a bite. Do the next half hour. Then the next.

I will admit that I spent a leeetle too much money during this stage on pretty shoes. I still think that was OK.



Oh chicken I remember this so well! I went away for some Plan B respite too and there were couples all over the place. They actually waited for me to show up before they draped themselves all over each other. They really did!

I survived it, you will too...


You're jet lagged so if you need to stay awake I think you need laughter. Either get a funny friend over there stat or put something really silly on the telly or read a funny book.

Plan B teaches you to get small with your goals and concentrate on the little, vastly important things like pretty shoes and laughter. You don't NEED to know where you're going to be in two years exactly to the day.

What it teaches you is to get back in touch with the reality of the day. That your old assumptions when you believed your life was concrete and mapped out were totally wrong - nobody knows the future. It's not just you.

At first you feel aimless but eventually a bigger picture starts to form. Trust me honey, I've transformed my whole life and found a new career doing this. Goals that were not even on my list when I started Plan B.

I wish there were a "Like" button for some of these posts/comments. Such uplifting and concrete ideas to offer hope, support and direction. RockSolid, it looks like you are being offered much care and concern from fellow posters. A Blessing. Having been there and done that, they have seen the other side and they know you can do this.

WallFlower yes I am definately being offered lots of great advice and care from everyone. I don't know how I would cope without it. It amazes me and humbles me that people on here who have saved their marriages and living happy lives that they still frequent here to help others.

Yep I know. Gosh this is hard but I have to do this. I can only rely on myself now.