Radio Clip of feuillecouleur and FightTheFight's Show
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

How are things? Are you working?

Hi BH,
Things are going well. Not working yet but hopefully soon!
How are things with you?

I'm good thanks.

How are you and FTF doing?

We are struggling with the SF lesson. Having trouble with the willingness and arousal stages. We have done most of the other lessons, though, and they have all gone well. Even though I do some independent behaviors sometimes I haven't noticed any love busters on his part.

What IBs are you committing? Are you catching them or is he telling you?

How is your LB balance? Is he filling it up?

You probably already know this, but reactions are much harder to change than behaviors. You are having problems with your reactions right now. You can not easily force a change, but you can work on improving those behaviors that support the reaction. Specifically, you can help FTF to identify those things in you that make the biggest love bank deposits. You can actively participate in building an environment that will make it possible for you to fall in love with FTF. You can help in developing UA activities that are especially enjoyable to you. Seeking SF is the natural reaction to being in love. You can do a lot to allow your love bank to fill. The rest will follow on its own.

I suspect you may be thinking that your personal experience suggests that affair sex was so enjoyable that nothing FTF can do can compare. Well, although it may be enjoyable, it is SF without the fulfillment. That is why affairs are so deceiving. They mimic the reactions of something real, but ultimately fall apart because they are built on fantasy.

I told our son's friend he could come over without asking FTF first. He was asleep since it was so early in the am. I knew I was doing it but I did it anyway.

I'm not sure about the LB balance. How do you tell?

How is he feeling about the marriage? I see you guys have been at this for a very long time. Most betrayed spouses would have thrown in the towel by now and filed for divorce. How much longer do you think he will hang in there before giving up?

What is your plan to do away with the independent behavior?
How is your UA? Are you enjoying it? How many hours are you getting? Doing what?

Are you on antidepressants? I can't remember ....

He said last night that he could no longer live in a sexless marriage

Your reaction to that?
Are you willing to meet his emotional needs?

Please answer this.

FC, have you discussed this with Dr. Harley, and/or your coach?

fc, what could your husband do for you to make you happy in your marriage? I don't get the feeling that you are happy in your marriage and I wonder what is missing for you. MB is all about identifying such issues and working on them.

I don't mean things like letting you work outside the home, which would in fact take you away from the marriage, and which is nothing to do with the way he behaves towards you. I mean in his daily interactions with you. What needs is he not meeting as well as you'd like, or what love busters is he committing?

For the moment, let's forget about the arousal problem.

Do you care for your husband? Do you understand that this is a vital way of showing your care for him?
Do you believe that it is important that you meet the SF need for your husband?
Are you willing to meet it, but are uncomfortable or unable to do so? Or do you hope the problem just goes away? I'd like to know your honest reactions to these questions.

As for arousal, what are you doing to work on this problem?

Don't disappear when people start asking questions, FC. You need to discuss this.

Yes, I agree? We want to help.

How about getting back here and talking to us, FC? We are here to help you but we are not going to beat around the bush like your husband does.