I want to order the 5 Steps to Romantic Love workbook...do we each need our own or just one for both of us?

It has sets of his and her questionnaires in each book. So you only need the one.

Have been very frustrated with H this past week. I was away last weekend for 4 days and when I came back got very little attention from him. I have told him a few times in the past few days that I need more from him and I was tired of being last on his priority list. Last night we had another "discussion". He told me he is unable to make the kind of commitment that I need from him. I then told him he needs to leave if that is true. He said, "OK I'll leave." This morning he was sweet and kind.

I want to write him a "last chance" letter speaking my heart to him but I don't know what is important to say. I don't want it to be full of DJ's--I feel like he owes me but I know I shouldn't say that. Can anyone help me with this? I am really at the end of my rope considering everything that has gone on these past few years, but I want him to know that I don't want to give up.

I have read so many threads here where people didn't do what they were told but of course I thought my situation was different and I could skip steps. I am not trying to be dramatic, but I am terrified of what I have to do next.

Basically, I figured out yesterday that WH still has feelings for the OW in spite of how many times he told me he didn't. I have been monitoring their contact very closely and it has been minimal (a work-related email here and there), but recently I saw what looked like a few more personal emails (her asking if she could get his input on something,him asking how she's doing) and yesterday I just happened to check his "where's my iphone" and saw that he was at her work place for about 1/2 hour. Then I saw a text to his best friend basically saying that he and OW were not alone when he went there--his friend's reply was "shoot". So clearly the two of them (WH and his friend) had talked about him going there to see her.

WH also continues in other SSL patterns...i.e. not telling me he had a day off yesterday, meeting female friends for drinks, etc., etc.

Here is my question...can I hand him the list of EPs, ask him to send the NC letter, and make the online program a requirement and if he refuses to do any of those tell him he has to move out?

I know what I have to do, I'm just not sure what the process is at this point.

Has the affair been properly exposed? That's the first step.

No...I guess I don't know how to do that at this point because it is really not still an affair. What would I tell people other than "they're talking to each other"? Wouldn't it be really easy for him to say "we're just friends"?

All waywards say "their just friends".

Is this the same woman he had the affair with or is this a new OW?

Yes...same one.

1. You need to properly expose the affair. If they are still in contact, it is STILL an affair. It is no surprise at all that he still has feelings for her.

2. All contact must cease. He must find a new job. You will never recover as long as contact continues. Contact keeps the affair alive.

3. Make Marriage Builders a requirement for recovery.

If he refuses any of this, kick him out and go to Plan B.

Yes! You should demand that he ends this affair and if he refuses then enter Plan B.

At this stage, I dont think the workbook would help you.
The only book you should be studying is Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley.
Also, listen to his Radio Show daily (if you arent already a daily listener)

The workbook has been sitting on my dresser since I ordered it...now I know why.

I agree I really need to read SAA...I started it awhile back, but thought we were moving beyond that.

I do try to listen to the show daily.

I am not arguing with you at all...just trying to get things clear in my head. What defines it as an affair? What if she has no feelings for him but he is just pursuing her, trying to rekindle it? I believe it was this time last year when they started their affair so it makes sense that he is being "triggered" now.

They do not actually work together.

Have you read this?

Recovery After an Affair

When will you be exposing? You have skipped this very important step and that is why this affair has never ended.

No, but they continue to have contact and they met through his job.