Are you going to follow Dr. Harley's suggestion?

Exactly.

If you have a high EN for financial support then why did you marry him?

I think this is the answer!

I would like my husband to listen to the program and then we'll discuss it. Every time I've brought this up he's gotten defensive. I'm planning on giving him a time frame and then I'll discontinue the insurance from him and my step kids

If my en is high for financial support, why did I marry him? He makes a decent living, he just doesn't have any benefits. He's a hard worker. Would give the shirt off his back for anyone. Once he drove a guy 60 miles to catch a bus, whom he didn't even know! He has a good heart. He can fix just about anything and is generally generous. But for some reason he doesn't think insurance is important. Like I said in an earlier poet, he has two trucks and neither one is insured, which is illegal in our state. I recently saw someone had gotten a ticket for not having insurance on their vehicle and the fine was over 300. He's a good dad. Is sensible. He doesn't drink. He's faithful to the core. Is a family man. Most of the time he's helpful. We had a progressive dinner and he washed the kitchen floor for me before I got home from work. There aren't many men who'd do what he does, but like I said, he has a hang up,in regards to insurance, and doesn't believe it's necessary.

Is that okay?

Lovechickens,

My concern if I were in your shoes would include the financial risk your husband is putting your whole family in by avoiding insurance.

If one of those trucks is involved in an accident, potential liability could be huge with no insurance buffer.

If he chooses no health insurance for his kids and himself, you are going to also be financially impacted if unexpected large medical costs occur.

That won't be an issue if she is not married anymore. And that is where they are headed right now with the level of resentment over this issue. Dr Harley told her to cancel the insurance and that is what she needs to do.

Here it is.
Radio Clip of lovechicken's Show

Emilyann,
I agree with you. I threatened last year to drop the insurance, but then I worry, the what ifs creep in, what if someone needs surgery? It would cost tens of thousands. One surgery or catastrophe can literally wipe out a family. He also has a motorcycle, not insured. Tonight I witnessed an accident in our town which involved a motorcycle and a car. He always says he's a good driver, but it only takes a split second, slippery road, bad tires etc, to cause a crash.

Lovechickens,

Just to clarify, I didn't mean you should put up with the status quo, because you are not enthusiastic about it. I think you need to negotiate to find a win-win solution for you both. Strong recommendation for Dr Harley's book "He Wins, She Wins". If your husband will not agree to follow POJA, that won't work, and your only alternative may be to legally end things.

Have you read "He Wins, She Wins"?

Dr. Harley frequently says on his radio show that blended family issues are the hardest, as I think your newer post about your stepson illustrates. But, you should not think, "I'm just the stepmother, what can I do?" POJA is the answer.

I expect you will think that your husband will never agree to POJA. Do you think he might be willing to do the course with you, or read the book, or maybe talk to Dr Steve Harley (dr. Harley's son) for phone counseling? Do you think if you let him know that it would take an agreement to POJA all issues for your marriage to survive, he would consider one of those approaches?

I don't see how your marriage can survive happily without an agreement on POJA.

One addition to my reply above. I think Dr. Harley would not suggest any threats, as those would be selfish demands. So the conversation is not, "if you don't agree to POJA, I'm leaving"

It is, "DH, I am very unhappy about carrying the insurance for stepchildren. are you willing to negotiate with me to come up with a solution we both can be happy with?" If the answer is no, he won't negotiate, talking to a lawyer about legally separating your finances (before dropping the insurance) might be wise and protect you financially.

The difference is that that is not a threat, but is instead a logical consequence of his actions.

Other conversations might include. "DH, I am unhappy about the financial risk we are taking by having uninsured vehicles, I would like us to negotiate something that protects us financially. "

And, "DH, I am not happy about current living arrangement with 18 yo son, let's negotiate a plan to deal with this."

EmilyAnn, you don't understand the POJA. She is not in enthusiastic agreement about carrying the insurance. The default position with the POJA is always to do nothing. You don't continue doing the thing that makes you unhappy and adding insult to injury. You STOP.

Dr Harley told her to cancel the insurance and we need to stick with what he advised.

LC, if you need clarification on Dr Harley's position, you can listen to the radio clip again. Thanks for posting it, Brainhurts!

In my experience, when someone who doesn't have insurance gets hurt, they are usually given hefty discounts out of charity.

Emily, stop scaring her into not following Dr. Harley's advice.

If he doesn't want to provide insurance for his kids, that's okay.

***EDIT***

Prisca,

I'm not trying to convince LC to not follow Dr. Harley's advice
***EDIT***

And what if she follows Dr Harley's advice and drops the insurance like he suggested? Manufacturing frightening hypotheticals does not resolve the problem.

Dr Harley spent his personal time analyzing her situation and giving her his professional advice. I don't think he expected to be contradicted on his own forum.

Maybe you didn't have time to listen to the whole show and lovechicken's segment? So here is just the segment of lovechicken's question so you can hear Dr. Harley's advice.

Radio Clip of lovechicken's question