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You are not taught to avoid lovebusters with a fellow poster. NebDane is not trying to full his lovebank, I assure you. So your point about disrespectful judgements is out of context.

I would add that you are not the post police here. That job is reserved for the moderators.

Please leave the moderating to the moderators. If you see a problem with a post, click notify. Do not tell other posters how to post.

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Well, I have started the Exposure process, and my wife is not very happy about it. I told my sister, and brother, and I plan on telling my parents very soon. The only one that I can think of to tell on her side of the family, is one sister, and one brother. Her parents are very old, and her mom has dementia, and constantly repeats the same stories over and over. The one sister that I plan on calling today, is a huge example to my wife, and her opinion will mean a lot to my wife. I am going to ask her to talk to my wife and explain to her why this situation was not right. I talked to our pastor yesterday, and told him the story. I also have started the process with her work. I was able to get my story to a man that is way up in my wifes company, and he happens to be over HR. He is not happy at all, and he is going to start digging on this guy. Meanwhile, he wants me to write up a statement of some of the things that were said to my wife, and an explanation of the events of the last 8 months. The first thing he said, is this guy needs to be fired, because he has no business even talking to an employee at her level, let alone giving her his personal Cell#.
My wife is upset with me right now, because she said I didn't respect her wishes, to not tell anyone about the situation. I told her that I had to do what is right for my family. With the events that transpired last week, I knew I had to do something. She said there were multiple awkward situations, where he was making it awkward on purpose, and she told me the other night, that after one of the awkward days, she went and dropped a note through his truck window, that said he could stop being so rude. This confirmed to me, that even though they are not talking, there are still a lot of feelings going on, and things could start back up if nothing is done. Even though she says she hates him now, whenever in the past I would mention notifying her work, she would get really defensive and say that she didn't want him to get in trouble, and lose his job, and she would say that she would probably get fired too. I told her that the only reason she cares, is because she still has feelings for him. She say's its not that she has feelings for him, but that she just still cares for him as a friend. what a load of crap. Anyway, this has become exposure week, so wish me luck, and I will try and keep you updated.

Good job on exposing. It's good to know this company has good morals.

Who have you exposed to on OM's side? His parents, siblings?

If he loses his job it's part of the consequences on him from having an affair.

When she comes out of the fog she will thank you and appreciate that you stood up and fought for her and your marriage.

Good job, RR!! Exposure should be completed in one day WITHOUT FOREWARNING your spouse so it hits her and the OM like a tsunami. Don't trickle this out. Get it done NOW.

Does the OM have a facebook page? If so, I would expose to his family and friends on fb too. That will put pressure on him to leave your wife alone.

Good job.
Just be swift with your exposure, you cant let it go on for days. Get it done in a hurry.
Great job on the work exposure, same thing applies, make it happen fast and send a letter to the guy you talked to and a couple other of the executives(companies don't like trouble, and when the trouble is in writing things tend to happen).

I see you are starting to see through the Fog Babble, your wife being mad is exactly to script.
More info may suddenly come your way regarding the affair, that you may have not known.

You are doing the right thing!

Great job!!!

If I could pass along some advice the vets gave to me, which worked wonders:

When you expose at the workplace, be sure to send copies of your exposure letters to several people in power and CC them on all of it. If you ONLY expose to the HR director, for example, he/she can sweep it under the rug.

However, if the same exposure occurs to the HR director, AND VP, AND President, and any other supervisors, etc...they'll all know that each other knows and it'll be like 'hot potato' and they'll ALL be motivated to get the POSOM the heck outta there, and AWAY from your WW.

Godspeed.

Make that "today is exposure day", OK?

Okay, back in June when I first started putting up resistance to the idea of exposing, I was still listening to all your advice, and I went to his facebook, and copied all of his FB contacts. This turned out to be a good thing, because he somehow blocked his account. I can't see it at all, and not even from an account that's not mine. One problem I am having though, is he is from the opposite side of the country, and grew up like 2,500 miles away. My wife says he hasn't had any contact with his Mom and Dad for years, and there is no sign of them on FB. I did find one of his brothers, and a sister. I will notify them and a handful of his friends. I am going to write the work exposure letter today.
One thing that made me realize that this had to be done, was when I asked my wife the other day, if she had talked to him at all since Dday,(which, i have asked her many, many times)she said just the two times I told you about, which she only told me about one, then she proceeded to tell me that one day he stopped her in the hall and asked her if I had calmed down yet. She somehow thought she had told me that already. this confirmed to me that when things eventually would have calmed down, this would fire right back up.
Also, she told me that back before I knew about the texting, he was nervous, and kept asking her if I was going to freak out if I found out. She assured him that I wouldn't over react. I said to her the other day, "Don't you think if you are having a conversation with another man about how your husband will react when he finds out, that you are being pretty shady, and totally disrespecting your husband"? She admitted that was not right.
This is also proof, that he knew he should not have been talking too, and texting a married employee over 1,000 times in a 2 month period. He is a POS, and he needs to be exposed before he does this to another woman, or starts things back up with mine.

Exactly.

I'm sorry it took so long for you to realize this...I understand as I went through the same thing.

Fear. Denial. Fog.

You will not believe the feeling you'll have after full exposure is complete.

Now, GO FINISH THE TASK! :-)

She needs to leave that job.

Yes, indeed.

I don't have anything to add but chew on this. If she "hates" this guy and doesn't want anything to do with him why is she leaving notes in his truck and upset over exposure. She is trying to protect him from any negative consequences. Trying to take the affair underground. Good on you and make that exposure good. Repeat that your doing what's best for your marriage during her anger and venoumous remarks.

Post him on www.cheaterville.com also