|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
So it's ok for him to have independent behavior but not me? I don't post on here bc all I get is lectures
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
So it's ok for him to have independent behavior but not me? I don't post on here bc all I get is lectures Oh good grief, you were not lectured. You just heard some things you didn't want to hear. And no, it is not ok for him to have independent behavior. How about coming back here and answering our posts? You have a whole army of people here who want to help you. But no one here is going to just slap you on the back and tell you what you want to hear. If you want to improve your marriage you have to be a big enough girl to listen to things you might not want to hear. That is how people improve. And you do want to improve your marriage, right?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
for my children's sake it's better if we are together
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
for my children's sake it's better if we are together I agree with this. But wouldn't you also agree it is in your best interest to be in love with the father of your children? Single women with children do not fare very well in the open playing field. They are usually very poor and only have access to the worst of men. [the good ones are already married] It is hard to find a man who take a woman with "baggage." [baggage = children, divorce, etc] Have you thought about what your future looks like without your husband? Because that is where you seem to be headed...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
for my children's sake it's better if we are together Would it be too much trouble to get more than a tossed off one liner from you? If I am going to take the time and trouble to post to you, I would appreciate a little more effort. After all, it is your marriage that is on rocks, not mine.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I wouldn't want to put you out or anything.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
i'm not planning on leaving. i have no job and no money and where would i go? i can't leave my children
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
FC, I am not lecturing you. I am asking you questions to not only get you to think, but so that I can know how to help you better. Your answers are key to my understanding you.
We are here to help. Please answer the questions so that we can help.
No, your husband is not allowed independent behavior. I have called him on it whenever I have seen it. Is he currently doing something that bothers you?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
i'm not planning on leaving. i have no job and no money and where would i go? i can't leave my children Then whats your plan to save your marriage? If you continue on this path, you need to have a backup plan for when it fails.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
I'm just pissed off bc I didn't want to post on here but he made me
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
He reopened his facebook account but won't let me open mine and I don't think that's fair
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I'm just pissed off bc I didn't want to post on here but he made me I took time out of my busy day to read this? Do you think we want to post to someone who is not serious about her marriage when there are so many others here who ARE?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
i'm not planning on leaving. i have no job and no money and where would i go? i can't leave my children Then it is in their best interest for your marriage to recover. Do it for your children.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
That's why I'm working the program
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
He reopened his facebook account but won't let me open mine and I don't think that's fair If you are not enthusiastic about that, you need to complain to him. Tell him, calmly. He should close the account.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
That's why I'm working the program From the outside looking in, it looks like someone who is just going through the motions and is not serious. What does the program say you should do if your spouse does something that makes you unhappy?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
I don't care if he reopened his account but I should be able to do it too
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 233 |
The program says that you should tell him/her if your spouse does something that makes you unhappy
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
That's why I'm working the program I believe you are. Part of the program is complaining respectfully when ftf does something that bothers you. You simply say "it bothers me that you opened your Facebook account." And avoid comments about fairness. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn early on was that my husband wasn't my enemy. Ftf is not your enemy. You are in this recovery together, on the same side. He will do things that bother you greatly, that seem thoughtless. It is your job to inform him, calmly.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I don't care if he reopened his account but I should be able to do it too How do you figure that? He didn't have an affair, you did. You are a high, high affair risk. All you are saying here is that you are "pissed off" that you have to follow extraordinary precautions to prevent another affair. That should really scare the holy hell out of your husband. You don't want to protect him from another affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
279
guests, and
71
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
