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I want friends. I want a life. I want to not have to stay on the couch holding a 3 yr old all day. Then have friends and a life. Do something other than staying home with your 3 year old. You are not tied to the house just because you have a 3 year old. You are also not tied to a just having a job as a way to escape. There are other things to do. Find something to do. I want enough money to decorate my new house. I want to have a job to get away from the kids and have enough money to do stuff like go out to concerts and go shopping I have a new house, too! I'm here cleaning it up and getting ready to move into it as I type to you. I want to fix it up and decorate it, too. In fact, shopping and planning ways to fix the house up could be a very fun thing to do that you might enjoy doing with your husband. It might take you longer to do than you'd like because you can't buy everything you want up front. You'll have to take some time to get it all. The question is, are these wants more important than your marriage? Are they worth putting your marriage at risk?
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We just moved in to our new house so we haven't been anywhere Okay - tell me about any typical two weeks before you moved. What did you do, and how did you feel about it? We usually just went out to eat or to a movie, the usual. We did go to Biltmore which was fun
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Then put them in daycare. Or find a SAHM who you can pay to watch the kids a few hours every day, for probably cheaper than daycare. It will probably mean not getting to do something else so that you can afford it.
But you can't GO to work to pay for it. Are you okay with that, to protect your marriage? It makes me made bc I don't have a choice. I'm being told what to do You are not a child. No one can tell you what you to do without your cooperation. One thing that my H and I love to do that is not expensive is go out to dinner in places an hour away. The drive over and back is great UA time. We eat out a lot without spending much money, because we will split entrees in restaurants or eat in cheaper restaurants. Young couples have lots of such opportunities with a wide variety of restaurants. Last night for example, we ate only appetizers at our favorite pizza place and then went shopping for computers afterwards. We ordered 3 appetizers and 2 drinks and it was around $24. We were both very full too. Your dates don't have to be complicated. You can do easy things like going out for dinner followed by a drive or window shopping.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I want friends. I want a life. I want to not have to stay on the couch holding a 3 yr old all day. Then have friends and a life. Do something other than staying home with your 3 year old. You are not tied to the house just because you have a 3 year old. You are also not tied to a just having a job as a way to escape. There are other things to do. Find something to do. I want enough money to decorate my new house. I want to have a job to get away from the kids and have enough money to do stuff like go out to concerts and go shopping I have a new house, too! I'm here cleaning it up and getting ready to move into it as I type to you. I want to fix it up and decorate it, too. In fact, shopping and planning ways to fix the house up could be a very fun thing to do that you might enjoy doing with your husband. It might take you longer to do than you'd like because you can't buy everything you want up front. You'll have to take some time to get it all. The question is, are these wants more important than your marriage? Are they worth putting your marriage at risk? Congratulations! Isn't it exciting?? Our living room furniture is coming on Thurs! I'm so excited! During our UA before we moved in we would go to furniture stores and decor stores to window shop and say what we liked and plan what to do with our new space. It was fun. I enjoyed it. I just feel bad because we have all this debt and all I do is sit around all day doing nothing to help the situation
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Another thing you can do is go to the website of a major restaurant chain and get coupons. I get coupons for Red Lobster all the time. We even enjoy eating at Five Guys hamburgers sometimes and that is very inexpensive.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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DJs:
"So it's ok for him to have independent behavior but not me?"
"I'm just pissed off bc I didn't want to post on here but he made me"
"so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair!"
"so how much longer is the suffering going to last? it's been over 3 yrs already"
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Then put them in daycare. Or find a SAHM who you can pay to watch the kids a few hours every day, for probably cheaper than daycare. It will probably mean not getting to do something else so that you can afford it.
But you can't GO to work to pay for it. Are you okay with that, to protect your marriage? It makes me made bc I don't have a choice. I'm being told what to do You are not a child. No one can tell you what you to do without your cooperation. One thing that my H and I love to do that is not expensive is go out to dinner in places an hour away. The drive over and back is great UA time. We eat out a lot without spending much money, because we will split entrees in restaurants or eat in cheaper restaurants. Young couples have lots of such opportunities with a wide variety of restaurants. Last night for example, we ate only appetizers at our favorite pizza place and then went shopping for computers afterwards. We ordered 3 appetizers and 2 drinks and it was around $24. We were both very full too. Your dates don't have to be complicated. You can do easy things like going out for dinner followed by a drive or window shopping. Those are really great, doable ideas! Thanks!
Last edited by feuillecouleur; 08/12/14 11:57 AM.
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Then put them in daycare. Or find a SAHM who you can pay to watch the kids a few hours every day, for probably cheaper than daycare. It will probably mean not getting to do something else so that you can afford it.
But you can't GO to work to pay for it. Are you okay with that, to protect your marriage? That makes me feel like my future is already determined for me and I'm stuck here with these **** kids all day for the rest of my life. I would almost rather die Your kids are not going to be young forever, and they won't be home for the rest of your life. It doesn't feel like it right now, but it won't be long before you turn around and your 3 year old is a 9 year old kid who would rather spend time with his/her friends than you. Soon after that, he'll be graduated and gone.
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DJs:
"So it's ok for him to have independent behavior but not me?"
"I'm just pissed off bc I didn't want to post on here but he made me"
"so i'm suppose to live in this box and watch the world go by outside my window! not fair!"
"so how much longer is the suffering going to last? it's been over 3 yrs already" How are those DJs? DJs are: "He never wants to do anything fun" or "He's so bossy"
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Is that where UA comes in? because we don't do anything fun Please tell us what you've done on all your UA dates for the past two weeks. Tell us how you felt when you were doing whatever it was. We just moved in to our new house so we haven't been anywhere I just want to point out that this is why you feel the way you do. This program doesn't work without the policy of UA. Our program for recovery only works when it's followed. The 15 hours of undivided attention we recommend is an essential part of the program because it provides the opportunity to meet emotional needs that cannot be met any other way. There are lots of excuses for failing to follow that aspect of our program, but in the end, failure to follow it results in a failed recovery. If we saw that both of you were recovering well, I'd say that you are one of the very rare exceptions to the need to spend 15 hours a week together. But, since you are not recovering well, we can only conclude that your failure to spend enough time together, and make good use of that time meeting each other's emotional needs, is the culprit. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2619668#Post2619668
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Like I said, I don't really have a choice I get that feeling, too. But it is a choice, it's just a choice you don't like having to make. You must choose between your job and your marriage. Whichever you choose, do what it takes to make that choice a success.
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Another thing you can do is go to the website of a major restaurant chain and get coupons. I get coupons for Red Lobster all the time. We even enjoy eating at Five Guys hamburgers sometimes and that is very inexpensive. I am a coupon fanatic. But just going out to eat is not fun for me. I need something else
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Another thing you can do is go to the website of a major restaurant chain and get coupons. I get coupons for Red Lobster all the time. We even enjoy eating at Five Guys hamburgers sometimes and that is very inexpensive. I am a coupon fanatic. But just going out to eat is not fun for me. I need something else Such as?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Like I said, I don't really have a choice I get that feeling, too. But it is a choice, it's just a choice you don't like having to make. You must choose between your job and your marriage. Whichever you choose, do what it takes to make that choice a success. I feel like I'm doing it already by working the program
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Another thing you can do is go to the website of a major restaurant chain and get coupons. I get coupons for Red Lobster all the time. We even enjoy eating at Five Guys hamburgers sometimes and that is very inexpensive. I am a coupon fanatic. But just going out to eat is not fun for me. I need something else Like what? What else would you like to do?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Congratulations! Isn't it exciting?? Our living room furniture is coming on Thurs! I'm so excited!
During our UA before we moved in we would go to furniture stores and decor stores to window shop and say what we liked and plan what to do with our new space. It was fun. I enjoyed it. I just feel bad because we have all this debt and all I do is sit around all day doing nothing to help the situation Yes, it is very exciting. Window shopping for things to do with the house sounds like a very good way for you two to spend your time.
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Another thing you can do is go to the website of a major restaurant chain and get coupons. I get coupons for Red Lobster all the time. We even enjoy eating at Five Guys hamburgers sometimes and that is very inexpensive. I am a coupon fanatic. But just going out to eat is not fun for me. I need something else Such as? window shopping, decorating, home improvement
Last edited by feuillecouleur; 08/12/14 12:03 PM.
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I feel like I'm doing it already by working the program Then you need to stop dwelling on how much you want to get a job. You have made your choice. To dwell on the choice you did not make is counter-productive.
Last edited by Prisca; 08/12/14 12:03 PM.
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Congratulations! Isn't it exciting?? Our living room furniture is coming on Thurs! I'm so excited!
During our UA before we moved in we would go to furniture stores and decor stores to window shop and say what we liked and plan what to do with our new space. It was fun. I enjoyed it. I just feel bad because we have all this debt and all I do is sit around all day doing nothing to help the situation Yes, it is very exciting. Window shopping for things to do with the house sounds like a very good way for you two to spend your time. I will suggest it to FTF
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I feel like I'm doing it already by working the program Then you need to stop dwelling on how much you want to get a job. You have made your choice. To dwell on the choice you did not make is counter-productive. I just wish I could make money to do all the things I want to do is all
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