Haha yeah it's something I've gotten used to

I wish I knew. It's hard for me to tell him stuff like "Hey, you know, you should really brush your teeth more" or something like that. How do you even tell somebody you said "for better or for worse" to that they need braces on their bottom teeth and bigger biceps??

Unfortunately, most of my friends were from the school that I worked at and I don't talk to them anymore. Since FTF is the only one I ever go out with, I don't have any friends

This is self-pity, and it just won't do.

When I stopped full-time work and was at home a lot with my young kids, I found it impossible NOT to make friends with other mothers in the neighbourhood. From "new baby" classes at the local GP surgery, to drop in play sessions in church halls, to toy library sessions and joining the local National Childbirth Trust, I fell over so many interesting, fun women that I found it hard to get my housework done!

Why haven't you made friends during the daytime since you gave up going out to work?

I just don't think that he really understand just how much I hate staying at home with the kids and how depressed it makes me. He suggests going out but I don't really feel like doing anything

Being on the online course gives you the means and opportunity to raise these issues safely. There are questionnaires galore on which you may identify LBs and problems, and there is your coach, to whom you can write and ask her to bring up an issue with your H. Have you been using these resources? Are you being honest when you do? If not, why not start using them now?

The thing is, this is crucial information that ftf needs to get the marriage that he desires. He is hurting really badly over your not-in-love state of mind, and the resentments you hold towards him about not being able to do IBs. He has tried really hard to make you happy, and what he seems to get from you are requests for things that would harm your marriage at present, like outside work and FB. He needs to know what he can do to bring back your romantic feelings for him, and, as Dr H said, if those returned, you would not be at high risk of an affair again.

The two things you mentioned would be easy for ftf to fix, if he knew that they were turn-offs for you.

My feeling is that you have only ever seen MB as something to resent, when you should be seeing it as a way of getting the marriage you want.

We just moved in 2 weeks ago and our neighbor stays at home. She mostly stays at her house doing whatever. We did go on a walk once. We joined a gym and I met another lady there but she lives kind of far away. We have to cancel our membership to help pay for dance class. FTF doesn't like to go to church so we don't go. We have been to the library but I haven't met anyone

I think you are depressed and that a course of anti-depressants would help you.

"It would make a lot of lovebank deposits if you got braces."
"It would mean the world to me if you worked out and built up some biceps."

This is how I phrase such requests to markos all the time. He likes it, because I've just given him an idea of what to do to make me happy.

Not "church" as such; play sessions put on during the daytime for mothers and toddlers. These are really good. They don't require church attendance.

Our libraries put on special sessions for parents and toddlers. This is not just going on your own to borrow books, but joining in singing and games at organised sessions. There are women there just like you, intelligent, educated women who once had jobs (and possibly intent to return soon) but who need outside contact while they are at home with their kids.

Yes, that's exactly it. I have always resented having to do the program in the first place and don't expect it to work. Even if he fixed those things, would that make me love him? I don't know. I don't know how to even talk to him bc I resent him so much

You really think so?

You can't rely on one person, hoping it will be your neighbour, to be a special friend. You need to come into contact with a lot more women to find a few friends.

Does your gym do drop-in sessions with childcare? That way you don't need membership. Our local leisure centres (not private gyms) do this.

Who is the dance class for?

I'mn totally unqualified to say and should not have put it so strongly, but you do sound very low to me. I should have said "perhaps you should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling".

That resentment must be about more than teeth and biceps. What is it about?

Ok, that I can do!

You sound depressed, fc, which is probably part of why you don't feel like doing anything and see little hope. Will you look into getting antidepressants for a SHORT while (doesn't need to be long term, just for a few months).

Okay, say that he doesn't really understand. That doesn't mean he wants you to live in a box. He is trying to help you get out of that box by suggesting you go out, but that may not be the kind of help you are looking for. It sounds to me like you would like some empathy? Maybe?

Instead of saying "I feel like he expects me to live in a box," say "I don't feel understood." Keep in mind that he doesn't need to agree with you in order to understand you.

Would he be enthusiastic about you doing things with ladies from a church, though? Around here, we have Ladies Days and Ladies Events at churches. Women from the community are invited to come, even if they don't go to church with us. It's something to think about.

Dance class is for the 3 yr old. We will have to talk about keeping the gym in the budget. You have to be a member to use the drop in services

Yes, I think he would. I've never heard of that before and will need to do some research.