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I have to explain to them that I don't have a FB account and they look at me like I have 2 heads Just look at them like they have 2 heads in return It's what I do! Haha yeah it's something I've gotten used to
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FC, before you disappeared last time, I posted this,and I understand that it it upset you, so I apologise. I'm going to try and explain what I meant, and to press you for an answer. fc, what could your husband do for you to make you happy in your marriage? I don't get the feeling that you are happy in your marriage and I wonder what is missing for you. MB is all about identifying such issues and working on them.
I don't mean things like letting you work outside the home, which would in fact take you away from the marriage, and which is nothing to do with the way he behaves towards you. I mean in his daily interactions with you. What needs is he not meeting as well as you'd like, or what love busters is he committing? I was trying to say that I know you want to go out to work, but I'm trying to find out whether that is the only thing that makes your marriage not romantic for you. If you went out to work, do you think you would be romantically drawn to your H? I know you would be happy in yourself, because you'd have money to do do things you like doing. (I like that aspect of working, too.) However, I'm asking about being in love with your H. Is he doing something that stops that from happening? Does he have mannerisms or a style of conversation or annoying habits or anything else that makes romance difficult for you? I'm asking because, since going out to work is not advised right now, and since doing so might not increase your romantic feelings at all, you still need to focus on your direct relationship with your H. I wish I knew. It's hard for me to tell him stuff like "Hey, you know, you should really brush your teeth more" or something like that. How do you even tell somebody you said "for better or for worse" to that they need braces on their bottom teeth and bigger biceps??
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I did miss hearing all about my friend's lives and looking at pictures of their kids and hearing about all the things they were doing. It just makes me feel more connected somehow. Especially when somebody says "Just get on the facebook page" for such and such. I have to explain to them that I don't have a FB account and they look at me like I have 2 heads I can appreciate that - except caring about their reactions to my not having any accounts. My friends are very good at sending emails saying "this is for you. I posted it on FB today". I have no idea if they do it with everything, but they do it enough for me to know the juicy stuff. Can you get your friends to do that? Unfortunately, most of my friends were from the school that I worked at and I don't talk to them anymore. Since FTF is the only one I ever go out with, I don't have any friends
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Unfortunately, most of my friends were from the school that I worked at and I don't talk to them anymore. Since FTF is the only one I ever go out with, I don't have any friends This is self-pity, and it just won't do. When I stopped full-time work and was at home a lot with my young kids, I found it impossible NOT to make friends with other mothers in the neighbourhood. From "new baby" classes at the local GP surgery, to drop in play sessions in church halls, to toy library sessions and joining the local National Childbirth Trust, I fell over so many interesting, fun women that I found it hard to get my housework done! Why haven't you made friends during the daytime since you gave up going out to work?
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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So how would I word this without being disrespectful? "I feel like he expects me to live in a box"? First, tell me what he's doing or saying that makes you feel that way. I just don't think that he really understand just how much I hate staying at home with the kids and how depressed it makes me. He suggests going out but I don't really feel like doing anything
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I wish I knew. It's hard for me to tell him stuff like "Hey, you know, you should really brush your teeth more" or something like that. How do you even tell somebody you said "for better or for worse" to that they need braces on their bottom teeth and bigger biceps?? Being on the online course gives you the means and opportunity to raise these issues safely. There are questionnaires galore on which you may identify LBs and problems, and there is your coach, to whom you can write and ask her to bring up an issue with your H. Have you been using these resources? Are you being honest when you do? If not, why not start using them now? The thing is, this is crucial information that ftf needs to get the marriage that he desires. He is hurting really badly over your not-in-love state of mind, and the resentments you hold towards him about not being able to do IBs. He has tried really hard to make you happy, and what he seems to get from you are requests for things that would harm your marriage at present, like outside work and FB. He needs to know what he can do to bring back your romantic feelings for him, and, as Dr H said, if those returned, you would not be at high risk of an affair again. The two things you mentioned would be easy for ftf to fix, if he knew that they were turn-offs for you. My feeling is that you have only ever seen MB as something to resent, when you should be seeing it as a way of getting the marriage you want.
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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Unfortunately, most of my friends were from the school that I worked at and I don't talk to them anymore. Since FTF is the only one I ever go out with, I don't have any friends This is self-pity, and it just won't do. When I stopped full-time work and was at home a lot with my young kids, I found it impossible NOT to make friends with other mothers in the neighbourhood. From "new baby" classes at the local GP surgery, to drop in play sessions in church halls, to toy library sessions and joining the local National Childbirth Trust, I fell over so many interesting, fun women that I found it hard to get my housework done! Why haven't you made friends during the daytime since you gave up going out to work? We just moved in 2 weeks ago and our neighbor stays at home. She mostly stays at her house doing whatever. We did go on a walk once. We joined a gym and I met another lady there but she lives kind of far away. We have to cancel our membership to help pay for dance class. FTF doesn't like to go to church so we don't go. We have been to the library but I haven't met anyone
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I just don't think that he really understand just how much I hate staying at home with the kids and how depressed it makes me. He suggests going out but I don't really feel like doing anything I think you are depressed and that a course of anti-depressants would help you.
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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How do you even tell somebody you said "for better or for worse" to that they need braces on their bottom teeth and bigger biceps?? "It would make a lot of lovebank deposits if you got braces." "It would mean the world to me if you worked out and built up some biceps." This is how I phrase such requests to markos all the time. He likes it, because I've just given him an idea of what to do to make me happy.
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FTF doesn't like to go to church so we don't go. We have been to the library but I haven't met anyone Not "church" as such; play sessions put on during the daytime for mothers and toddlers. These are really good. They don't require church attendance. Our libraries put on special sessions for parents and toddlers. This is not just going on your own to borrow books, but joining in singing and games at organised sessions. There are women there just like you, intelligent, educated women who once had jobs (and possibly intent to return soon) but who need outside contact while they are at home with their kids.
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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I wish I knew. It's hard for me to tell him stuff like "Hey, you know, you should really brush your teeth more" or something like that. How do you even tell somebody you said "for better or for worse" to that they need braces on their bottom teeth and bigger biceps?? Being on the online course gives you the means and opportunity to raise these issues safely. There are questionnaires galore on which you may identify LBs and problems, and there is your coach, to whom you can write and ask her to bring up an issue with your H. Have you been using these resources? Are you being honest when you do? If not, why not start using them now? The thing is, this is crucial information that ftf needs to get the marriage that he desires. He is hurting really badly over your not-in-love state of mind, and the resentments you hold towards him about not being able to do IBs. He has tried really hard to make you happy, and what he seems to get from you are requests for things that would harm your marriage at present, like outside work and FB. He needs to know what he can do to bring back your romantic feelings for him, and, as Dr H said, if those returned, you would not be at high risk of an affair again. The two things you mentioned would be easy for ftf to fix, if he knew that they were turn-offs for you. My feeling is that you have only ever seen MB as something to resent, when you should be seeing it as a way of getting the marriage you want. Yes, that's exactly it. I have always resented having to do the program in the first place and don't expect it to work. Even if he fixed those things, would that make me love him? I don't know. I don't know how to even talk to him bc I resent him so much
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I just don't think that he really understand just how much I hate staying at home with the kids and how depressed it makes me. He suggests going out but I don't really feel like doing anything I think you are depressed and that a course of anti-depressants would help you. You really think so?
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We just moved in 2 weeks ago and our neighbor stays at home. She mostly stays at her house doing whatever. We did go on a walk once. We joined a gym and I met another lady there but she lives kind of far away. We have to cancel our membership to help pay for dance class. FTF doesn't like to go to church so we don't go. We have been to the library but I haven't met anyone You can't rely on one person, hoping it will be your neighbour, to be a special friend. You need to come into contact with a lot more women to find a few friends. Does your gym do drop-in sessions with childcare? That way you don't need membership. Our local leisure centres (not private gyms) do this. Who is the dance class for?
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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I'mn totally unqualified to say and should not have put it so strongly, but you do sound very low to me. I should have said "perhaps you should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling".
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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I don't know how to even talk to him bc I resent him so much That resentment must be about more than teeth and biceps. What is it about?
BW Married 1989 His PA 2003-2006 2 kids.
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How do you even tell somebody you said "for better or for worse" to that they need braces on their bottom teeth and bigger biceps?? "It would make a lot of lovebank deposits if you got braces." "It would mean the world to me if you worked out and built up some biceps." This is how I phrase such requests to markos all the time. He likes it, because I've just given him an idea of what to do to make me happy. Ok, that I can do!
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So how would I word this without being disrespectful? "I feel like he expects me to live in a box"? First, tell me what he's doing or saying that makes you feel that way. I just don't think that he really understand just how much I hate staying at home with the kids and how depressed it makes me. He suggests going out but I don't really feel like doing anything You sound depressed, fc, which is probably part of why you don't feel like doing anything and see little hope. Will you look into getting antidepressants for a SHORT while (doesn't need to be long term, just for a few months). Okay, say that he doesn't really understand. That doesn't mean he wants you to live in a box. He is trying to help you get out of that box by suggesting you go out, but that may not be the kind of help you are looking for. It sounds to me like you would like some empathy? Maybe? Instead of saying "I feel like he expects me to live in a box," say "I don't feel understood." Keep in mind that he doesn't need to agree with you in order to understand you.
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FTF doesn't like to go to church so we don't go. Would he be enthusiastic about you doing things with ladies from a church, though? Around here, we have Ladies Days and Ladies Events at churches. Women from the community are invited to come, even if they don't go to church with us. It's something to think about.
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We just moved in 2 weeks ago and our neighbor stays at home. She mostly stays at her house doing whatever. We did go on a walk once. We joined a gym and I met another lady there but she lives kind of far away. We have to cancel our membership to help pay for dance class. FTF doesn't like to go to church so we don't go. We have been to the library but I haven't met anyone You can't rely on one person, hoping it will be your neighbour, to be a special friend. You need to come into contact with a lot more women to find a few friends. Does your gym do drop-in sessions with childcare? That way you don't need membership. Our local leisure centres (not private gyms) do this. Who is the dance class for? Dance class is for the 3 yr old. We will have to talk about keeping the gym in the budget. You have to be a member to use the drop in services
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FTF doesn't like to go to church so we don't go. Would he be enthusiastic about you doing things with ladies from a church, though? Around here, we have Ladies Days and Ladies Events at churches. Women from the community are invited to come, even if they don't go to church with us. It's something to think about. Yes, I think he would. I've never heard of that before and will need to do some research.
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