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Joker;

The ONLY regrets posters here ever have about exposure is either:

1/ They didn't expose to EVERYBODY at once (Tsunami effect),

OR

2/ They wish they had exposed sooner.


You are on the right track. Keep going. We are here to support you.


Me: BW, 57 fWH: 63 (Taffy1) Serial cheater
Presently on the Recovery Road, in the Online program.
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Ok update time. I got home from work today to which I found the following;

One of our Van's cleaned right out, a lot but not all of her stuff packed, new clothes being washed with the tags still on them. the OM's FB page removed entirely and she removed him as a friend from another social circle.

SHe apparently called her mother so I called her stepfather to get a feel. When I asked him if she asked to move in with them he kinda clammed up, maybe, but did mention that she told her mother that I called the other mans mother, to which has drawn her Ire as I mentioned before.

Also, My 11 year old Son claims he heard a voice Message from the OM saying "Hey Baby" and that she may have mentioned moving out.

Guys and Gals, I am really freaking out right now. That paralysis feeling is taking over.

She claims she was merely cleaning up to take out her anger. Dam it I am really stressed. I think it could be labeled as panic.

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Have you done the exposure to all of hers and your key friends and family members like you stated you would do as soon as you got home from work?

Take Control of what YOU can do. Put your anxiety and adrenaline rush to good practical use right now.

LTL

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Originally Posted by IIjokerII
She claims she was merely cleaning up to take out her anger. Dam it I am really stressed. I think it could be labeled as panic.

You need to STICK TO THE PLAN. Stick to your plan and finish your exposures. the goal is to kill the affair. If you stop before the affair is killed, then it will rise again and kill YOUR MARRIAGE.

Did you expose to her mother and stepfather?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I had it copied and pasted into the damn box, I just froze.

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Yes they know already, all the family in the immediate area know, most won't get actively involved.

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Originally Posted by IIjokerII
Yes they know already, all the family in the immediate area know, most won't get actively involved.

They know WHAT?? And who told them?

I am going to scream the next time some scardy BS tell me "they all know" when exposure is suggested to friends and family and then we find out that all they know are the lies told by the WS.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by IIjokerII
Yes they know already, all the family in the immediate area know, most won't get actively involved.

Did you ASK THEM to get involved? What were your EXACT WORDS?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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No I told them what was going on, Her Step Brother, Her mother, Her Father, Her Step Father, Her Grandma, and her aunts called me offering support. The only remaining people who do not know is the mutual friends and in law family members who reside out of state. My eldest sons know as well.

In fact Our oldest son we had together is full of resentment to her behavior and knows far more that I realized.

Nobody seems to take an Emotional Affair serious or offers unofficial support which leaves it all on my shoulders.

But yes, they all know the details and that I want to work things out. All so far have made statements about always being family no matter what..Blood though is always thicker than water.

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My exact words were "She's having an online emotional affair and said at one point she wanted out"

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Originally Posted by IIjokerII
In fact Our oldest son we had together is full of resentment to her behavior and knows far more that I realized.

Does he know everything about her affair? Because you know he should be told, right?

Quote
Nobody seems to take an Emotional Affair serious or offers unofficial support which leaves it all on my shoulders.

I saw how you described it and I would have dismissed it too. It seemed almost minimized. Which sounds more realistic:

"my wife is having an affair with some guy named Joe Scumbag who lives in crapwit, Ohio. Can you please help?"

"Sally is having an online emotional affair with some guy on the internet."

Quote
Blood though is always thicker than water.

Hopefully that means they CARE enough about her to help her in her time of need. I have known people who used that as an excuse to enable bad behavior beccuase they don't care.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by IIjokerII
I had it copied and pasted into the damn box, I just froze.

Are you finishing your exposures now? You need to get this wrapped up TONIGHT. Tell your other son and tell anyone else that remains.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Post the OM on www.cheaterville.com and www.playerblock.com.
Expose to his family and friends using an exposure letter in MelodyLane signature EXPOSURE 101.
Include a link to the cheaterville posting in your exposure emails.

Be detailed in the exposure, sign your name to it and attach some proof if available

#2811894 07/24/14 12:18 PM
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As I detailed in a previous post My wife was engaged in an EA, a deep one at that, with a guy she met online thru a game. This was painful as it came completely out of left field, I too was friends with this individual and just the sheer malice and ferocity behind the deception, which wasn't really hidden.

For 2 months I was emotionally attacked, psychologically taxed to the limit and just completely drained. After staying at a friends for a while I was forced to return due to the unlivable conditions our children were exposed to as well as her damaging behavior I.E; Putting the children to bed early, not showering them for 4 out of the six days I was gone, staying up till 5 AM online with the OM while using voice chat with extremely inappropriate sexual content spoken aloud with our children's bedroom just down a hall. Food refuse, wrappers and dirty dishes everywhere as well as every dish item (Nearly) dirty and piled up. Obviously her energy and enthusiasm was focused elsewhere.

Upon returning home and after detaching from her influence and feeling I made it clear that although I cannot control what she does I can control where it happens and proceeded to express me wanting her out of the home. She said no of course, however I can get her out if need be.

We have been married 12 yr's this August and during that time we have had my son from a previous relationship live with us nearly %100 of the time since his birth mother abandoned him. As time went on my Wife began to increase her intolerance toward him for normal child infractions or outbursts to outright abuse to the point that he called DCF-CPS twice on her and eventually even felt suicidal. With no experience and no intervention from her family I made the poor decision to rug sweep the matter after addressing the immediate problem, akin to using a temp bandaid, and hoped that she would wake up and get the counseling she needs.

this did not happen of course so I was forced to try to persuade her into becoming a friendlier person. This also did not happen, instead she made it clear that HE was the one that needed to try to heal things as she thought she was the victim. I can't make this up. The abuse included emotional, physical, social and mental. When I left the house during this recent affair I took him with me and he know to this day resides at HER biological Fathers house, a suggestion made by Him I might add as he was the only one who is not afraid of telling her she is wrong.

Now back to asking her to leave, She made it clear I'd have to fight to get her out nonetheless and with the VOR (Yes, I understand the laws regarding VAR's in CT) that clearly documents her assaulting him verbally and emotionally as well as making out meal for all four children for dinner. This was due to her spending maximum time online with him vs. taking care of our children properly.

With Our bio eldest standing firm about being put to bed at an unreasonably early hour she then began to break down and cry, promise to stop and then threaten suicide by reaching for a box cutter on the floor. I stopped her but, yet again, did not call the authorities. After a tense moment she lamented her lack of feeling alive and her need for this affair, which thankfully did not go physical (Online, 3000 miles away, %99.9999999 sure, although never say never). She also expressed some regret at what happened and her "Wanting" to bond with me. Although I felt a sense of bravery I did not demand her hand over all materials and passwords then and there. this was a mistake but between being elated at finally making the "In your face and there's nothing your going to do about it" aspect end I also was completely drained. She also claimed sh'ed break it off tomorrow.

I came back tomorrow and she had a detailed summary of something called reactive depression disorder, detailing the symptoms, the subsequent effects and other important information regarding. After talking for an hour or so I yet again failed to take control, even ceding to the idea that her contact with him be at the barest minimum (Me not home nor the children home as well) as well as trying to fix her mental health.

So I did, I swallowed my resentment, anger, pride and whatever else that may apply. Tried marriage counseling, kept the pressure on her for what was appropriate and healthy behavior towards me and the kids. Exposure! It might have worked had her family not been so apathetic or image oriented. I begged and pleaded for help, provided details to no avail.

So months roll by and finally, after saying all this time that I needed closure and clarity due to my imagination running wild I finally got to see the texts between him and her!

It appears that they never did meet, Made no plans for living arrangements, he was given no money nor did she receive any, she may have possibly made a sexting video for him giving his choice of words requesting one and her choice of words for her response. She did disrespect our MC sessions, took pride in making me paranoid, became annoyed at her friend disagreeing with her behavior (to which they both thought was F$%ked up) and both expressed their confusion about why I was angry and what was causing it. Yes, they felt validated in their actions and offended by my feelings. She also made a few sexual type comments (Most comments of this nature were captured on our sons IPOD, which I still have in possession)and her telling him about a dream about boarding a plane and him calling it off, "I love you's" ad nauseium, and little things that did not sit well.

This differs from her telling me that she and him came to their wits and slowly backed off from their "Misguided feelings". No, The affair died off as he became busy with work (A fault I had but she could not overlook) and my intervention by being around at night.

SO much more to say, but in a nutshell she has shown zero remorse, no attempt to fix the damage done to our children, especially to my eldest son or to me. Puts zero effort in the repair process or generally to boot and spends exuberant amount of time playing that damn online game. Nearly 700 hours. When I press to talk I have been called a crybaby B!tch, a smothering whiner, a lesbian and this last argument, which was alcohol influenced, she et me know that I just got home one night after she masturbated to him on the phone and how she enjoyed having sex with him in her head and how I made her feel so worthless in life, like all before me did.

Conveniently she showed me the texts the same week she took vacation from work, a fact I did not know, got a storage shed for her belongings (Due to her not knowing how I'd react to the texts and thinking I'd throw her out)after I caught her lying about donating the items to a clothing charity, then admitted to having the remainder of the week off. She is also stating how furious she is with me about not releasing the evidence to her (which by now I have gathered quite the amount, including info on an older EA)and that this is creating a wedge between me and her. All efforts to convince her that my actions are reactionary and influenced by her behavior fall on deaf ears.

Is it time to throw in the towel? I met for the most part and best I could plan A. Tied to fill emotional needs, no negative comments or demanding judgment's. provide safety and a loving environment. But after realizing that she did not choose me but rather I became the leftovers, plan B, the backup......

People over at TAM say to hit her with divorce papers as a way of challenging her to change her ways. Is this the only way?

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I have combined your threads so others will fully understand your situation & be able to read what advice you have already received.

Please try to stick to one thread.


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Have you exposed the affair to everyone that previous posters suggested?

Do that. Then the "Evidence" will not have to remain hidden. Everyone should share in the knowledge that is the truth.

LTL

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Well, My bride has indicated that all the years of resentment and past actions have taken their toll. She is also angry that I will not hand over the evidence of the affair.

I am about to give up. Am I doing something wrong? Looks that way. Anyone got a time machine? Anyway, she won't open up and become transparent.....

Lonely, that's all I can say about it. I feel so alone.

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Originally Posted by IIjokerII
Well, My bride has indicated that all the years of resentment and past actions have taken their toll. She is also angry that I will not hand over the evidence of the affair.

I am about to give up. Am I doing something wrong? Looks that way. Anyone got a time machine? Anyway, she won't open up and become transparent.....

Lonely, that's all I can say about it. I feel so alone.
Has there been contact between her and OM?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I don't know for sure, but I get the feeling that she might simply be waiting it out to make herself free for him. For whatever LB's I have worked on more conveniently pop up. Also, she will not go full transparent.

I am currently going to do a facebook bomb of exposure, I need some support cause I am emotional and scared and lots of other things...

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Originally Posted by IIjokerII
I don't know for sure, but I get the feeling that she might simply be waiting it out to make herself free for him. For whatever LB's I have worked on more conveniently pop up. Also, she will not go full transparent.

I am currently going to do a facebook bomb of exposure, I need some support cause I am emotional and scared and lots of other things...
Trickle exposure isn't recommended.

Haven't you already exposed to key members of her family? Why don't you have spyware on her devices?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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