Hon, I believe you. For crying out loud you're so upside down you are considering loaning out your wife to an affair.

You're just so dreadfully mistaken I don't know where to start.

First off the article refers to a caring and protective husband who has exposed! Yes he sticks around playing Mr Nice Guy afterwards, competing with OM, but he NEVER suggests he is some kind of low down swinger who agrees to open marriages. Once she wakes up from the fog she will feel like a whore to have been passed around like that.

Ask Dr Harley yourself! Email him right now, I can only imagine his response!

Secondly those facts are not facts at all! They are typical gas lighting fog babble statements said by every WW. No they don't come home happily if you let them have a bit more affair. Come on.

Never take the word of a wayward. They have a constant mantra of 'just one more affair day' going on in their heads. They will never willingly quit.

If you've never used your own voice in this relationship before, boy is this a good day to start. Find your courage and rescue her, don't pimp her out because you're afraid not to.

Here: you will see all her 'facts' have been claimed before

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2549782&page=11

I'm certainly not taking Dr. H's advice and making it a complete plan. I fully realize it is simply the first step to restoring the marriage. Yes, it is a different approach and no it is not following the exposure route. In the end, for my specific situation I think the exposure will cause more harm, distance and fatal consequences to rebuild in the future. I know my wife well which is why I've had a hard time digesting the exposure route. In my situation, taking the higher road may seem like an enabler (and it is) however on the back end I think it will actually provide greater respect by allowing her to follow her path and find the road home on her own, of which I've enabled her to do. The OM is not leaving his wife. She'll go back to Ecuador, he'll lose his 2 year old daughter, done; not happening. The OM is providing excitement and her workplace is already onto her. She will expose herself in time as there is already chatter about their trips to the "broom closet". She will hang herself at work with exposure and one of them will leave the company. If all else fails and our conversation doesn't go well.....exposure is the only other option.

When you realise that the woman you used to know is no longer there, come back and we'll talk.

But the delay will cost you dearly

Good Luck!
Now stop wasting our time.


Shaking my head!

Then you are not following Dr Harley's advice and we can't help you. If you refuse to follow the advice, this is hopeless.


In the end oyu have no earthly idea how to save a marriage and are following Plan Knightstone. All you know how to do is screw your marriage up and you are dismissing the tried and true advice of those who have saved their marriages using Dr. Harley's concepts.

You are an enabler and have chosen to become an accessory to the crime by helping the OM and your wife keep their secret from the other victim. That is cruel and manipulative and the OMW will not appreciate what you did when she finds out. The cheaters have an excuse for hiding the affair, you have none.

Anyway, there is nothing we can do for you if you refuse to follow the advice. I view this as a hopeless case and a waste of our time.

In the end, complacence and conflict avoidance will cause more harm because it only serves to enable the affair. Your marriage can survive her temporary anger, it can't survive an ongoing affair. As you sit by and do nothing, it grows more and more entrenched and becomes harder and harder to save your marriage. If her affair ever ends, she will remember that you didn't care enough about her to lift a finger to fight for your marriage. She won't forget your lack of caring.

How many marriages have you saved to decide the best course of action? Your wife? Oh you mean yoour course of action has gotten you into this mess.

Don't listen to Dr. harley's plan, he's only saved thousands of marraiges over the past 20 years, what does he know??

#insane

Well I wish you the best of luck but I thin you'll end up divorced or in a permanent open marriage.

Where does it end? If she asks you to buy lingerie for her to wear on her dates with this man will you do it?
Will you supply the condoms?
At what point do you say "I wont tolerate this any more."???

How confused your children will be from this mess!
They will think its normal for married spouses to have boyfriends and girlfriends!

Why don't you email Dr. Harley and tell him yourself that your plan is better?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

Brainy, could you link the radio where the BH did Knightstone's plan and Dr H said it was now too late? The one where he said it's hard to save a marriage when you are an enabler?

MelodyLane already posted it to him.

Knightstone, did you listen to these clips?

Thanks hon. He has the info, it's up to him.

Knight,

You have likely left this forum, at least for a awhile, after creating for yourself a menu of tools to use with your own special kind of logic.

I gather this from your last posted statements. You have been warned regarding cherry picking plan. And I appreciate our strong views on exposure and other aspects of MB might seem to you the difference between choosing ala cart versus all inclusive. Or maybe even cookie cutter-ish.

You see, various veterans and the MB program here are giving you a global perspective. You seem to be taking this global perspective and attempting to squeeze or flatten it into a linear perspective that fits into your frame work. To carry out this feat, you have to shift the set point of where 'truth' begins.

For example: From our global perspective we can see your wife you married is not there. She is gone. Addicted. Not home even if she is talking to you from marriage home. We see all involved whether known to them or not as displaced or replaced.

From your linear perspective you can simply set the stage or manage this like a movie set at home and work ---where you don't have to directly initiate the exposure. As a result you are inclined to believe your ambiguous actions will end affair. More important to appear ethical and above the addiction aspect then displace so-called innocents.

seems to me that you want this open marriage thing. maybe you want to have a revenge affair to show her how it feels.

regardless, it's pretty revolting. i would totally lose respect for my husband if he said 'go ahead. be a whore. it's cool with me.'

exposure is so empowering. you're just bringing something dark and foul into the light by exposing. it's a way of asking for help.

my guess is you WANT the freedom to play around yourself because nothing else makes sense.

I just started reading today. The is the reason why a full exposure must be done. Expose the OMW and work first thing Monday if not done already.

Hello,

Being a coward doesn't at all cut it in the military, on the football field, and in your obligation to defend your family!

Tom

So, I vowed to give an update so here goes:
Summary: WW had affair for 10 months with a co-worker. WW didn't want divorce and just expected the affair to run its course and end in time. I met with the OM, requested he cease ties to no avail my WW pushed harder onto him. The physical affair ended however emotionally my WW was still attached. I exposed the affair to our oldest son and our family members. WW was upset. I met with the OM again strongly and he cut ties completely. Two weeks later both were fired from their jobs as a result of improper use of company resources. All co-workers and friends know of the affair. WW was there for 7 years and he for 12. WW never took full ownership of the affair and grew more and more distant. Ultimately she decided moving out to see if she still loves me would be best. I fought hard to keep her at home and two days ago in a very loving manner assisted her to move out. The oldest son (18) lives with me. The middle (13) lives with her and our daughter (3) is with me except Wednesday nites and every other weekend. My idea was to have zero contact unless it's an emergency. We have adhered to that rule however I'm not sure that was the best decision. My thought was while she is not committed or ready to rebuild and wants to see if she misses me than we should have no contact. Perhaps this is not correct and we should have contact. I'm not sure. My WW feels she cannot trust me and that all of the "fighting for our marriage" leaves her feeling angry. She is not ready to come back, reconcile or work on us. I have been super sweet, fought hard and have been dumping love into the bucket. However am getting no credit since she is not ready to accept.

We had a trip scheduled to Ireland leaving this Monday which I said I will not go unless we're on the same page. The kids are upset but understand. I enrolled her in the Human Performance Institute's Corporate Athlete Course which I'm hoping will help her find what is most important in life and face her inner battles. That course starts a week after her return from Ireland.

At this point, I feel used. I feel I have done everything possible to save our marriage. I am the victim and yet the one fighting for our family. Do I communicate to her while she's moved out or continue with zero communication? She told me previously that the more I try, she feels smothered and it pushes her further away. I'm a little lost as to what I should do next.

She text messages me here and there about our daughter but that's about it. I've left a watermelon and home made granola for her as a expression of love. She is excited and willing to take the course I enrolled her in so that's good.

Thank you again for all your previous support. Seems if I did nothing, the affair would have ended and both would have lost their jobs anyway. But, who could have known that.

I'm trying to stay strong, but lonely.

With her getting fired who is paying for her place?