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Ok I won't get into it too much so lets make a long story short. Very long relationship. Controlling thanks to me. We kind of fell apart after baby. She cheats. I am willing to do anything to become the man she deserves. She does not believe me, of course. But I have changed like a switch in my brain flipped. She refuses counseling. I found this wonderful site. Gave me hope. Brought it up since I have to share and it looks like I'm still being controlling. Any hope? I'm trying to follow my heart.
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Welcome to Marriage Builders! Can you tell us more about your relationship? Are you married? How long?
WHO is she cheating with? A coworker, friend, married man? Is her affair still active?
And please don't follow your heart!! Your emotions will not help you at this time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Welcome to Marriage Builders! Thank you.
Are you married? Yes no specifics for more than 10 years
Is her affair still active? yes can't give too many details if she sees it will only push away
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probably not should post at all just wish to help things
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Can't help you if you don't give enough details for us to understand your situation.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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we have son together.
WHO is she cheating with? A coworker, friend, married man? all 3 in one person more or less not 3 people
she fell out of love with me when we drift apart after baby
I did everything wrong an want to be a person I should be but seem to say do wrong things
still hard to talk sorry
Last edited by x3954; 09/13/14 06:30 PM.
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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i'm fighting for mor than her or me and she won't recoginze it
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probably my fault for not taking action sooner
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is there a reason private messages do not work for me?
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Found the answer to my own question. MelodyLane I'm trying to open up. Its hard for us guys  Bear with me. I'm trying to get her to try the program even though she does not want to be married to me or anyone anymore. I printed the emotional needs questionnaires for us maybe she'll fill it out. I don't know what to do I feel so lost. I'm not sure there is any hope I was so bad at marriage for so long I've ruined her 
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x3954, if she is having an affair, then the questionnaires are not going to help you. You have to first kill her affair. I would read the Exposure thread linked in my signature and make plans to expose it. Don't bring her here until you have killed the affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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well its more complicated than that to say more is to out myself
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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well its more complicated than that to say more is to out myself Sir, Nobody can tell you which of Dr. Harley concepts to apply to your situation if you don't name the situation! That's like calling 911 and saying your house is on fire but refusing to give the dispatcher your address!
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k long story short she has affair no detail necessary breaks it off after confrontation now they are talking again says she wants us to remain friends
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Sir, if you want folks here to take their valuable time to give you advice, you are going to have to give us the FACTS. We can't help you unless you do that. And I am not going to waste my time on someone who writes incoherent little one liners like he is texting to his BFF. If you want us to give you some serious attention, then you need to get serious yourself.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Ok I'll try as much as I can. I'll give my background. I have failed our marriage. Been very controlling and emotionally distant until I was hit with the realization that this affair happened. For some reason I felt angry before but this literally woke me up. Felt so many things I hadn't for a long time.
So I'll back track. Years ago something happened with her and some guy. She asked for forgiveness and to be taken back and I did. Never really asked for the details it didn't matter I was madly in love.
Things progressively got more controlling. After many fights for years we just kept chugging a long. My father passes I suffer a depression or mental breakdown I don't know what. So I quit my job. Shortly there after we decide to have a kid. Things have been rocky since. I'll post more as I can but baby needs me for something.
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