We don't assume anything incorrectly. YOU DO.

Have you written Dr. Harley?

See sex is very important to me and it is in my top three needs.

When I hear you talking about how you want her to see it as 'just sex' and 'athletic' - my heart just aches with pity for the boring sex your poor wife is receiving.

A female body is capable of so much more pleasure than a mans. Actually it is more her brains and emotions. If she is subjected to dull sex, where it never gets above being about the body, she is going to be like a bright kid in the dummy class. Turned off.

Her sexual being is capable of hitting great heights multiple times. She is a ferrari to your pedestrian attitude towards sex.

Honestly you are talking about porno level sex. Two blank eyed idiots rutting away with no idea of what real pleasure is.

A woman's motor is so much more advanced. She needs a pilot who understands a warm up period is required. How to guide her towards heaven. How she needs to come back to earth in the arms of a man who loves her (and who was able to travel along side her!).

Women who swing. Frankly they are idiots. They know how to please men and ooh and ahh but they've never even gone past ten miles an hour in their own mind.

I know these women. Some of them do this silly thing in mongomous relationships. They talk endlessly about lingerie and technique like sex is some kind of job they want to be good at.

One woman I know is developing her first sexual aversion. She gets bored during sex and her mind drifts off. But she is too scared to do things the proper way. To insist she is sexually cared for as a woman should be.

Sad. Boring. Not for me.

An athletic gym class with no pants? I'd just call a divorce lawyer and find a man who knows what's what.

Porno users and swingers need NOT apply.

One of your classics Indie!

Agree with this. It makes me want to gag. It is clear he doesn't understand that sex is an EMOTIONAL ISSUE for women. Just putting out to some guy is a complete turn off. That makes it no more significant than 2 hawgs getting it on in the pig pen.

One misunderstanding I'd really like to clear up Dave is that NEITHER of you should be 'putting out'

Just as she should be enthusiastic about every action - so should you.

If candlelight dinners are hard work for you - don't do it. Do something you enjoy. Both of you.

If you don't like kissing find a physical mood setter that works just as well. One you both like.

Once you stop watching/believing the bunch of frauds known as swinger women and porn actresses you will start to see there are other options. Real ones! But just because your wife stops being a sex slave doesn't mean you have to become a romance slave. Marriage is supposed to be FUN!

You don't have to do a thing if you don't want to. Accept faker women as the real deal and abandon marriage. Jump from one short term thing to the next. Who cares if those temporary women get aversions from that and you are getting older?

Or maybe you do and fun dates with your wife where you fall into bed afterwards crazy with passion is not the worst idea in the world.

OK, I watched a ton of the videos and I have to say, not all of the advice here is in line with Dr. Harley. For instance, for a woman to WANT sex it has to be pleasurable and meet her needs, but in no way does Dr. Harley insinuate that we have a choice in meeting our spouses needs. Nor does he say we can hold needs ransom until our own needs are met.

I haven't found a direct Dr. Harley quote or writing on the topic of different sexual styles. Either sensual sex is considered the only 'morally correct' style of sex or no one is accounting for women with more of a wild sense of sexual style.

Anyone have a link to where Dr. Harley addresses this? If he hasn't, I hope he does, because the group of guys I hang with(most of whom are Christian) all agree that their style in no way matches their wife except the guy who's wife is more wild than he is. This difference makes it so the men don't want sex and their wives are begging for it. Yeah, that happens I guess...

I'd have to have some very specific scripture before I believed that tender, sensual sex is 'correct' and wild sex is 'wrong'. Otherwise, it's a matter of preference and preferences should be compromised.

Dr Harley always says we have a choice in meeting our spouses needs. I can't imagine how you missed that. Even so, if someone is giving you contradictory advice to Dr Harley's please hit "notify" and inform the moderators so they can remove that post and perhaps ban that person. It is against TOS to give advice that is not correct.

Dr Harley only defines sex as enjoyable or not enjoyable. It must be enjoyable and pleasant to BOTH. "Wild" or "sensual" would be subjective terms that are not relevant.

What does scripture have to do it? Or right and wrong? For heaven's sake sex is supposed to be fun.

I'm not a practising Christian myself but I doubt anyone takes the bible into the bedroom.

In MB, as long as sex is exclusive and both partners are enthusiastic about what they are doing then ANY style goes. Whatever the couple jointly want to do is fine.

MB is about creating a passionate and romantic marriage.

Do you think passion and romance can be built up and increased over decades of life together when 'preferences are compromised'?

Of course not. You are looking for ENTHUSIASM. Win-win solutions. Stuff that is so great it gets TWO votes. A male and female one.

You know...... Fun?

If your wife doesn't like something - not good enough. Toss it and find something else. If you don't like something - ditto.

A coat that only fits half of you is not well made!


It's the policy of joint agreement. Never do ANYTHING without joint enthusiasm.

We should meet our spouses needs - but it must be done in a way both sides are truly happy about.



It is extremely sad that so many people have no idea how to find the many things out that they actually have in common.

People suffer from a mass delusion that there are only two options to every dilemma. His way and her way. There are actually billions of ways. Markos has already explained that once you get out of 'two option' 'black and white' thinking you will find common ground.

Far from it. MB is the only programme which encourages women to enjoy sex and respects them as sexual beings. Other programmes treat sex like a dull chore that wome 'have' to do.

As do you. No one will be 'holding needs to ransom' if it is made FUN for them. F.U.N.

All this prim talk about your eing right and your needs being owed to you is a buzz kill. Of course you want a varied, frequent and passionate love life - who doesn't? But sticking doggedly to 'your' version just because some other women FAKED enthusiasm for 'your' style won't get you anywhere.

Unfair and unrealistic contrasts with 'yes men' women who are pros at faking have actually made you think you know 'the' style to adopt. You don't. Nor does your wife - you need to PoJA one together.

COUPLES make styles - not individuals.

Also, comparison with 'wild' faker pros will just make your wife run away more often than she already does. Nobody likes that. It's not cool.

Fun. Three letter word. Not rocket science.