|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21 |
Your husband is an angry hot head and when he is angry, he is insane. He's always angry now. He has a front brain injury. His verbal filter is broken.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Can you go stay with a friend, family member until you get your next check? When you get your next check, you could rent a place. We have no family closer than a two hour drive away, too far for me to work. I need my pay and I need benefits for my kids' medical needs. Lawyers tell me I may be responsible to support my husband, too, because of his medical needs and demonstrated chronic unemployment. You do not have any such court order and can move out tomorrow. Move out and take your kids. File for separation/divorce to protect yourself legally. Let him pay the mortgage or let it go, but get out of there. You shouldn't hang around waiting to get killed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Your husband is an angry hot head and when he is angry, he is insane. He's always angry now. He has a front brain injury. His verbal filter is broken. He is not a safe person.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21 |
Your H has very good reason to be angry at your sister. Putting aside the public humiliation request, did you support/understand your H over this? I wrote to my sister and told her that the problems between my husband and I were our own and that I wouldn't be discussing it with her anymore. I sent him a copy. That was not acceptable to him and he sent an email to all of my family telling them what she had done. They blocked him and told me we were not welcome anymore. My sister hasn't talked to me since; I suppose she's angry that I told him what she said to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21 |
Lawyers say I have to take care of him. If I care for him and my kids I'll be living in a car at -40 this winter.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Lawyers say I have to take care of him. If I care for him and my kids I'll be living in a car at -40 this winter. That is silly. You have no such court order.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Lawyers say I have to take care of him. If I care for him and my kids I'll be living in a car at -40 this winter. You won't be living in a car if you move out and get an apartment with your kids. You can do that. If you don't, I have to assume you just like being abused and are not serious about resolving this problem.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Why are you doing renovations on a house that you are selling or may get foreclosed on? Your H has a new job?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Your husband is an angry hot head and when he is angry, he is insane. He's always angry now. He has a front brain injury. His verbal filter is broken. Is he under psychiatric care? The behavioral effects of frontal brain injury can be medically managed with proper psychiatric care. It's not really an excuse for his behavior. He isn't quite Phineas Gage.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
I'm headed to bed soon...
If your children are out of the house and you will be empty nesters soon...what child is left in the house? You are not legally responsible for his children. If the house is headed to foreclosure, there is no sense in putting more money into it...and you're going to be without that house at some point.
If your H is working but you make a lot more you may owe alimony but he may not even want that. Don't let that be your biggest worry. Even if you were to pay alimony (and it's an IF) it may not be much and worth it to get out of this crazy cycle of hell. No one has filed anything and divorce takes awhile if it gets to that.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
Also; if he has angry/explosive behaviors, not only is the frontal lobe injury not an excuse, but it is an added danger until there is proper medical management of the behavioral issues.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Until you leave the house, stop fighting with him. Stop with the long, emails. All you will do is tick him off. Just stop and make plans to exit if he continues to act like this. Do not engage.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21 |
Move out and take your kids. File for separation/divorce to protect yourself legally. Let him pay the mortgage or let it go, but get out of there.You shouldn't hang around waiting to get killed. My bio kids have been out for a year. I must provide for them where they are. I cannot afford a lawyer, they all want deposits I don't have. I can leave but I cannot afford to get another place or to take legal action.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21 |
Why are you doing renovations on a house that you are selling or may get foreclosed on? Your H has a new job? Years ago I came home from work and my husband had knocked down walls. He is trained but we lacked the money to do the renos; I never would have agreed. Our house will be difficult to sell without the work done to the point of just needing paint. Living in the mess has been an extra stress. He started a new job on Thursday. He's away 12 hours per day which is nice, to be honest.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21 |
Is he under psychiatric care? The behavioral effects of frontal brain injury can be medically managed with proper psychiatric care. It's not really an excuse for his behavior. He isn't quite Phineas Gage. He was in treatment when the issue was discovered. He had a terrible reaction to the first med and the second one dulled his thinking to the point he felt he couldn't do his school work. He stopped the meds and the appointments at that time. He never involved me in those appointments; he seems to have shame about his brain injury even though its not his fault.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 21 |
If your children are out of the house and you will be empty nesters soon...what child is left in the house? You are not legally responsible for his children. His bio son, 20, is in our home and going to college. I've been his parent for 11 years now. I do need to find out if I'm still responsible for him while he's in school. His bio mom is dead. She killed herself a year ago.
Last edited by Dawneva45; 09/21/14 10:12 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
[
My bio kids have been out for a year. I must provide for them where they are. I cannot afford a lawyer, they all want deposits I don't have. I can leave but I cannot afford to get another place or to take legal action. Dawn, you don't need a lawyer to move out. You can just move out and take your time in seeking legal recourse. Your husband is abusive and out of control, so paying the bills is the least of your problems.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
If your children are out of the house and you will be empty nesters soon...what child is left in the house? You are not legally responsible for his children. His bio son, 20, is in our home and going to college. I've been his parent for 11 years now. I do need to find out if I'm still responsible for him while he's in school. His bio mom is dead. She killed herself a year ago. Are you willing to help yourself or not, Dawn? Your situation sucks but talking about this that and the other while not being willing to do anything is not going to help improve your situation. You are not legally responsible for your step children especially one that is 20 yrs old. Either you are willing to take steps to improve your marriage/life or you can keep talking about how hard it is to do x, y, and z and continue to be afraid to do anything.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
[
My bio kids have been out for a year. I must provide for them where they are. I cannot afford a lawyer, they all want deposits I don't have. I can leave but I cannot afford to get another place or to take legal action. Dawn, you don't need a lawyer to move out. You can just move out and take your time in seeking legal recourse. Your husband is abusive and out of control, so paying the bills is the least of your problems. x 2
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Blackmail? Physical violence? Get out of there! You've been doing this so long it seems normal. It's not. Get out before you are dead or have a breakdown!!! A few days ago my husband was yelling inches away from my face with a clenched fist. Yes, in that moment I told him to hit me. It would have hurt less than some of the things he's said to me. Well yeah Dawn; that is what abusers do. They slowly ramp up the violence from language to action until it seems normal. That's why women end up dead. Because they've lost all sense of danger. You understand he isn't ill? He is lying. Or if he were ill it doesn't make him one iota less of a maniac or safer to be around? You are talking about the piddling concern of supporting adult kids while your life is in danger. You are talking about the sale of a house while your life is in danger. You do understand don't you that he isn't going to help you sell? Help you get free? He will just knock down another wall or run up more debt. Anyhting to keep you down. You need to speak to a women's shelter and see if they can get you somewhere to stay and some free legal advice. Once you are free your finances will recover. Once all your energies are not being spent on pointless emails and fights - your whole life will blossom. You can always make more money in the future. But not if you are dead or committed with a nervous breakdown.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
449
guests, and
466
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,627
Posts2,323,542
Members72,116
| |
Most Online8,273
Aug 17th, 2025
|
|
|
|
