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I will contact her again. I also did not say anything about attempts to see me, which he most likely won't, but it will tell her now. Not unless he wants to come back and work on the marriage.
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I will contact her again. I also did not say anything about attempts to see me, which he most likely won't, but it will tell her now. Not unless he wants to come back and work on the marriage. I am confused what you mean about "attempts to see" you. What do you mean by this? How did you explain this role to her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My next concern is about your ability to maintain no contact. You weren't able to do this before. Are you going to be able to do it now? You told him before you were cutting off contact and weren't serious. How will he know you are serious this time? I appreciate your offering to walk her through it. I don't think it is necessary, but it might be. I think she will have very little to convey from him, as most of our correspondence was friendship and not about the girls.
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[quote=MelodyLane]My next concern is about your ability to maintain no contact. You weren't able to do this before. Are you going to be able to do it now? You told him before you were cutting off contact and weren't serious. How will he know you are serious this time? Oops, didn't answer your question. I don't know how he will know I am serious other than time will tell. If I stick with it, he will know. He wants this, I am sure. This has all been a little overwhelming. I will be back on later. I am very sad. I love him so much. I loved him so much. I can see I have a lot of crying to do today.
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My next concern is about your ability to maintain no contact. You weren't able to do this before. Are you going to be able to do it now? You told him before you were cutting off contact and weren't serious. How will he know you are serious this time? I appreciate your offering to walk her through it. I don't think it is necessary, but it might be. I think she will have very little to convey from him, as most of our correspondence was friendship and not about the girls. Does she know to NOT pass that kind of stuff onto you? What I see here is a woman who has been paralyzed with fear for a very long time and is afraid to act because she is afraid she will lose her WH. The reason you keep talking about "friendship" is because that is what he wants and what he has told you. He is not your friend but it makes him feel LESS GUILTY to brainwash you into thinking he is. It makes it easier to screw you over. You have contributed to your own demise by going along with the pretense of "friendship." I view him as no better than a rapist who convinces his rape victim he is her "friend" while he rapes her daily. "Friends" don't lie, cheat, betray and abandon their friends. That is what he did to you.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[
Oops, didn't answer your question. I don't know how he will know I am serious other than time will tell. If I stick with it, he will know. He wants this, I am sure. I don't think he wants that at all. He won't want to lose control of you. I believe you will be quite surprised when he sees you are serious. But you have to make sure he doesn't get through. This has all been a little overwhelming. I will be back on later. I am very sad. I love him so much. I loved him so much. I can see I have a lot of crying to do today. I am very sorry. The first 2 weeks will be tough but you will feel 1000% better in a few weeks. You have been living a nightmare for a long time. Is his affair still active? Do you know what he is doing?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He is not your "friend." You are not his friend; you are his VICTIM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Walkin,
I dont think you understand the role of an IM.
I think you would benefit immensely by allowing Melodylane to help your IM get a system in place.
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Interesting... He sent me a very formal email. He will not be communicating with Sally. If I wish to not communicate with him, that is my choice. He also proposed three more nights a week with the girls. Guess I should have gotten that straight first. At some point he wants to discuss holidays. He "appreciates my dialog to get this resolved"
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Jedi...we got it all straight.I understand the role of the IM
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I need instruction  I'm not sure what to do at this point. Contact "Sally" and convey my agreement to his request? There is no reason why I shouldn't. In his response he didn't reject the "not getting out of his car" or the no FaceTime. In fact I also asked that he limit the phones calls. Should I have her send my response regardless of his wishes or wait for him to contact her. He won't of course. What to do?
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To clarify, there is no reason why I shouldn't agree to almost 50%. Other than it will just break my heart!
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Walkin,
I dont think you understand the role of an IM.
I think you would benefit immensely by allowing Melodylane to help your IM get a system in place. Jedi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off brusk. What am I not understanding? I'm pretty sure I have a good grasp of everything MelodyLane has explained.
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And my IM has a pretty good grasp of her role and the situation.
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Taking the kids to the park, but will have my cell phone on me. Wow, I went from love to hate, back to love and hate all within two hours. Can we say roller coaster? I will get through this, I will get through this....
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She knows not to pass "stuff" on to me, to include attempts to talk or see me which are not related to his working 100% on rebuilding our marriage. Sorry if I didn't answer those questions earlier. To be extra sure, I will send her an email just just to solidify everything.
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My next concern is about your ability to maintain no contact. You weren't able to do this before. Are you going to be able to do it now? You told him before you were cutting off contact and weren't serious. How will he know you are serious this time? I appreciate your offering to walk her through it. I don't think it is necessary, but it might be. I think she will have very little to convey from him, as most of our correspuondence was friendship and not about the girls. Does she know to NOT pass that kind of stuff onto you? What I see here is a woman who has been paralyzed with fear for a very long time and is afraid to act because she is afraid she will lose her WH. The reason you keep talking about "friendship" is because that is what he wants and what he has told you. He is not your friend but it makes him feel LESS GUILTY to brainwash you into thinking he is. It makes it easier to screw you over. You have contributed to your own demise by going along with the pretense of "friendship." I view him as no better than a rapist who convinces his rape victim he is her "friend" while he rapes her daily. "Friends" don't lie, cheat, betray and abandon their friends. That is what he did to you. Oh wow, this really hit home. Thank you so much for this. I think this is so true. I will come back and read this when I am struggling. THANK YOU
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Interesting... He sent me a very formal email. He will not be communicating with Sally. If I wish to not communicate with him, that is my choice. He also proposed three more nights a week with the girls. Guess I should have gotten that straight first. At some point he wants to discuss holidays. He "appreciates my dialog to get this resolved" Delete the email. Have Sally email him immediately and say "your email to WOS bounced to me and deleted from her email via a RULE. If you want to communicate with her, it will have to be through me."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In fact I also asked that he limit the phones calls. Limit phone calls to WHOM??
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In fact I also asked that he limit the phones calls. Limit phone calls to WHOM?? The kids. He doesn't need to talk to them every night.
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