Did you read this??

Yes, I will do that. I think she should convey my approval of which days to see the kids. I should have called him earlier today to get that all resolved, before I started this.

Settle this TODAY, WOS, by sending a visitation calendar with a SET visitation. If he wants to change up a few things and that works with you, then fine. Just make sure it is the same every week and works for you all. This 50/50 stuff is bullcrap. Does he even have a place for the kids to stay?

Go here and set up a living calendar that you can both access. https://www.google.com/calendar/render?pli=1#g%7Cmonth-3+22844+22881+22860

But send him a calendar today with a suggested weekly visitation. For example, he might get them every wednesday from 5 to 7:30 and Saturday afternoons at the same time.

Have your IM send all this, of course.

Thank you!!!

Apparently "Sally" didn't send the message. I haven't heard anything. I told her to let me know after she sent it and then I would share the calendar with his gmail account. Apparently she is rethinking her role and willingness to be the IM. if she told my brother about it, which she probably did, I'm sure he put his foot down to prevent her from responding and getting involved.

Things have been rough. There were SO many times I wanted to contact him...mainly because I know he wants to get the visitation schedule solidified. He sent me an email this morning to my work mail asking if I planned to respond to his request for extra visitation and setting up a schedule. Hope this non-response won't be used against me someday or reflect negatively in front of a judge...my unwillingness to communicate or correspond with him regarding the children.

I just sent her another text and info regarding the calendar. I don't have a link. Not sure how or if he gets a notification on his end. It didn't prompt for one

I included a note on the calendar for him to verify acceptance and/or make changes.

Actually the shared calendar is a great idea. I included school days off and other school events. I also included an event that said I did not read his email and just forwarded it to "Sally". I had to do something, since she failed to respond.

I did not respond to either of his emails. I also did not stop when I passed him walking into work this morning.

Huh? You work at the same place?

WOS, i don't believe you are serious about this. I know you are a smart woman who can plan and achieve objectives if you are wiling. Why not just admit you are not willing so I can stop wasting my time here?

Not same employer; same facility that houses thousands of people and thousands of agencies. Agencies are connected by roads. I drove past him in my car. First time I ever saw him there unintentionally. Chances of running into each other in person are impossible other than passing in my car and that was the first time that happened.

Is this why you say I am not serious and willing?

If you think I am not serious because of my inability to secure a reliable IM, then I'm sorry you feel that way. One can be serious and willing, but fail to meet the objective, due to circumstances beyond their control.

The ONLY other option would be his sister, who has already adamantly said she did not want to become involved.

I am at a loss and I'm sorry you can't help me. I have not had any contact with him and I have not sent any emails. As far as I know he has not received the calendar or any response from me regarding anything he addressed in his email.

If you don't have faith in what I am doing to make this work, then this is the point I become weak and give up, because everything I have struggled through the past few days is all for naught. At least in your eyes. I obviously can't do this by myself.

WOS, the fact that you saw your husband is not why i say you aren't serious. It is because there are so very many obstacles and problems in your plan b. Your IM is not really on board, your H continues to email you, and the essential calendar I suggested was never done. If you want to be taken seriously, you are going to have get serious yourself. We have already been through this once and I don't understand why it is so difficult to execute a plan.

Yes, there are many obstacles in my plan B. Not to mention the fact that I am in the process of possibly refinancing my home in the future. The calendar WAS done. I spent a lot of time on it. As for husband emailing me - can't control what he chooses to do. IM not on board - again out of my control.

Well I am proud of me. I have been extremely successful the past few days. I'll stick to the calendar and continue to delete and not respond to emails. He has my moms number if he has to reach me.

BLOCK his email address

What you can control is finding an IM who is on board and blocking all communication from your husband, it is your responsibility to make sure he does not get through. This is basic planning 101. That is all in your control.

And I would most certainly not refinance your home.

I don't know how to recover from this new Plan B disaster, other than to get a serious IM and take a more serious approach yourself.

The calendar should have been sent with the Plan B letter.

I've never been in a situation where I had to block someone, so I have no idea how to. While we work for separate agencies, my phone number and email address are published to his agency. How does one "block" emails?

Can I even do plan B at this point in time? When we are still trying to work out child support and scheduling issues? He texted me that he got the calendar. Told me my schedule is NOT going to work, and I obviously prefer he go through a lawyer and congrats he will now be going for 182 nights.

I haven't texted him back. I'm now scared he can get primary custody because I'm not communicating with him?? I've read that the judge looks at how cooperative the parent is with the other parent.

I need advice on if this is appropriate for me to be doing when my children are at stake?

Here's the thing...I know him well enough to know that he just wants to get this schedule out of the way. If we get that set up and I explain the reason for the IM, he will go along with it. And leave me alone.

Let's not forget the reason for my plan B is to move on. yes, I love him and yes I would love for him to come back, but I believe it may be too late for that. I'm just afraid if I agree to letting him see the children 50/50, it will solidify the separation more...and he will grow more accustomed to our new separate lives. The more we plan for the future apart, the more real it becomes (for him). Yet, if I don't help plan, it could backfire on me and jeopardize my case when it comes to our day in court.

Can anyone empathize with this situation at all or wish to offer any advice? I want him to come back, but I don't want to be an obstacle or prevent myself from retaining primary or more than 50% custody

I told you how to do this already. Send him the schedule.


I showed you how to communicate with him: via an IM.


We have had thousands of people go into Plan B over the years, most with children. I have no earthly idea why you feel it would be "inappropriate." That seems to be a question you might have asked BEFORE you said you wanted to go into Plan B and wasted my time for days getting advice about it. [for the second time!!] I have given you a ton of advice on Plan B and it seems it has fallen on deaf ears, which is why I have pointed out that you are not taking this seriously.

A big part of the reason your husband has stayed away is because you unwittingly prop up his affair by hanging around as his option.

My time is valuable and I have wasted it - yet again - on trying to help you get into Plan B.

How do I block phone calls at work? When he calls from his agency, the only thing on the caller ID is their main number. Many people from his agency call daily. I never know who it is until pick up. I think he will respect my wishes...but who knows. So far he hasn't called me or the girls. No FaceTime or voice for them and he hasn't complained about it. He just wants to see them more.

I have 3 kids and have no contact with my ex wife.
She DID complain to the court that I blocked her phone number and dont talk to her....the judge did not respond.

You have pre-emptively surrendered at every turn. There is no court order, no divorce filed, no custody agreement, no nothing. Yet you behave as if you are under a court mandate.