You are not in Plan B so this is all a moot point. Your husband told you he would not accept the SIL, so she is not the IM anymore.

ONCE AGAIN, you send a plan b letter and don't mean a damn word of it. He knows you are not serious and so do we.

I watched an old Andy Griffith show yesterday and one of the characters (Goober) was worried about an event which in all likelyhood would NEVER happen.
Andy told Goober, "If you stop worrying about things before they happen you'll eliminate 90% of the worry in your life"

Melody - you knew the risk of my not having any options for an IM days ago. I made sure I that was clear up front. I asked someone who previously turned me down. Sorry to have wasted your time, but my time has been wasted too.

He will not communicate with the IM regarding this schedule. I cannot force him He did not like the schedule That was sent. I am left with valid feelings of being afraid this will be viewed as not being willing to negotiate the visitation schedule. Anyone with kids would understand that fear. I am at a very critical stage.

At this point I have NOT had any contact with him. So yes, his texts and threats are intimidating me.

If you can't help me Melody, then don't help me. I'm sorry if you feel I have wasted your time. I don't think you have, because I read everything you have posted many times a day. It is the only thing keeping me from completely losing it right now. That must account for something. You have given me the strength and the resources to even get to this point. I am hanging on every word you have said. Maybe I can't find an IM, but you have helped me get to this point.

Yep, that's it in a nutshell. Maybe I am worrying to much.

This is good for me to hear...thank you

You were NOT HONEST with me about your commitment to Plan B. You never intended to do any such thing. I knew of no such "risk" because you weren't honest, you said you had an IM. And then suddenly it was all over when your WH rejected her.


Yes, he will if that is his only option. If he wants to get a message to you, he will have to use her. But you caved at the first protest and destroyed your credibility with him. AGAIN. If every BS caved like a French person and surrendered at every opportunity, then NO ONE would ever go into Plan B.

Plan B is supposed to give you back control of your life. But you have forfeited that control to a wayward tyrant. And yes, you have wasted my time and then insulted my intelligence with ridiculous, inane excuses. And that is fine, it is not my life to wreck. I was trying to help you and it was a waste of my time.

Thanks for pointing is out. I need stop worrying and not let his threats intimidate me.

BLOCK HIS TEXTS AND THEN YOU WONT BE INTIMIDATED

From the beginning I made it clear about my not having an IM. that has been my problem from the beginning. You keep telling me I can find one. So far this is not true. Has she bailed...no. But I haven't heard from her. She obviously sent him some sort of message.

No I didn't cave or lose my credibility with him...yet. I have not had any contact with him. How did I lose credibility?

You told me you had found an IM. Supposedly you solved that problem. And obviously she is not your IM anymore because your husband told you no. You weren't serious anyway hence all these myriad new excuses that were never brought up either time I wasted my time helping you get into Plan B.


He knows you are not serious about Plan B and can contact you any time. When you say you are ending contact and then allow him to contact you and call the shots immediately after the letter is sent, he knows it is a big joke and he is still in charge.

You are a grown woman who has VOLUNTEERED herself to be at the mercy of a wayward. That is all on you. You do this by choice.

I have already spent way too much time on this. If you ever do get serious about Plan B [all the instructions are on my numerous posts to you] let me know. And I do mean HONESTLY serious. i am not interested in another pretend Plan B.

Over and out!

Walking,

I sympathize with your suffering as I am also a betrayed spouse but as MelodyLane has pointed out, you allow yourself to be placed in these scenerios that result in suffering.

The fact is you haven't been able to follow any of the recommendations on here.

You were advised to expose; you said that you can't.
You were advised to Plan B; but you seem unable to.
Cell phones and text messages are blocked on Day1 of Plan B so that is an entirely separate issue from your IM. Apparently there is some reason why you feel you cant block his text messages either.

Let me ask you: Do you enjoy living like this?

Oh my goodness, if you feel I wasted your time, then I wasted your time. Moving on. From here on out, if you respond to any of my posts you are wasting your own time on your own free will.

You are right, he can contact me at work, but hasn't. He is not in control, hence all the threats. He feels like he is losing control. I does not know if I am even reading his texts or deleting them or blocking them...still have to figure that out. He has not heard from me whatsoever and is becoming angry. So he will battle for the children to get back at me. That is his only recourse, other than giving in and contacting my IM (who isn't my IM). His worst fear is giving me control or letting me win, or doing anything I want. He will take the hard road and waste his hard earned money rather than do what he thinks I want him to do. Maybe not, but I guess time will tell.

No, I am separated and going through the motions of moving towards divorce and unsuccessfully trying to accept the situation and move on. No enjoyment going on here.

Somewhere it was lost that was to block texts and emails. Doesn't matter, I am not in plan B and most likely won't be. I do feel empowered though and like it or not, I am ten steps further than I was on Sunday. I am moving on, because I have had no verbal, email or text contact with him. HUGE step for me.

UPDATE - Hey all - divorce decree is signed and finalized. I have been so busy at work (500+ emails) that I didn't even realize I had been officially divorced for three days! His attorney sent it to me in an attachment. Not proud of that fact, but it does say something about the fact that I am very clearly moving on.

I have decided to keep my family in this very beautiful house and refinance. Already painting and making significant changes to my dream home. I am in the process of refinancing into my name and taking out an equity loan for the pool. Sure there are memories, but oddly enough it doesn't bother me like it did a few months ago. My kids call this "home" and that in itself makes me very happy. I love this place, so I feel it was the right decision.

Ex-husband is in some sort of depression. Largely because OW won't talk to him and hasn't for months now - almost a year (they work in same office). Not a concern of mine, but it really is a downer sometimes to talk to someone that is in such a funk. If he is around us on special occasions, or for school events, etc. he really opens up and loses the "funk" but otherwise, he is a bore to be around.

I am SO NOT interested in the opposite sex right now. I just want to see what this new plan, that God has laid out, has in store for me.

I just find it so odd that he is so down, when this was all his idea. Why am I happy and he is not. Oh right I know...because he can't be with the one loves. Whatever...I've completely lost my trust in men. Maybe someday I will love again, but definitely not there yet.

You're still talking with your WXH?

I thought that was clear from my update, but I apologize if it was not.

I am excited for this new chapter of my life. I've started volunteering and will soon be involved in a government citizens organization, which will get me involved with other people and events. I'm naturally an introvert, but I like to push myself socially

All that aside, my job and kids keep me very busy. I've had little time to dwell in the negatives. Life keeps moving and I want to make it the best it can possibly be. My kids call this place "home" and that makes me happy beyond words.

Someday I will date again, but first I need to clean out the basement, organize and throw things away. I've already gone through the entire house, in the last year, except for the basement. This is my goal. It is a small one, but a goal nonetheless.