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I agree, steer clear of her. However, if you happen to run into her and she proceeds to say something that makes you uncomfortable, I see no reason to not tell her so.
"I think the comments you make are inappropriate, and they make both myself AND my H uncomfortable. It is awkward to be around you when you are acting so immodestly."
Maybe, she just doesn't realize what she is doing. I will say that I behave MUCH differently now, than I did 'pre MB' because society tells us that flirting, showing affection and admiration, etc. to OS people around us is just fine! Now of course I see it differently. But I don't think it is safe to assume that everyone who does not behave in an MB fashion is doing so because they are just cheating skanks, maybe they just don't see their own poor behavior for what it is. If anyone had every said a comment like this to me, I would have felt very bad, and embarrassed, and would have avoided them like the plague afterwards. I would have also thought a little more closely about my own behavior. x 2
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Nov 2013
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It's about a person's character. Before my H was pursued by the OW, I did not know women who acted this way. It is flirting with another woman's husband, and I do believe these women know full well what they are doing. They deserve to be told off and you can do it in a nice decent way, where she gets the message loud and clear.
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Ok great advice you guys. If we do run into them at functions down the road what would I say to her? I feel like saying, "you know maybe (her husband) would like it if you said that to him." I feel like saying, "Ok enough with the compliments about my husband. Compliment your own." Ugh. Never in all my years have I had to deal with someone like this. Thank you again. You have made me resolved to avoid her if possible. I do not want to make too big a deal of it to my husband. He already knows my concern.
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Joined: Oct 2014
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Okay sorry black raven I see now your suggestions. Thanks.
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Just a quick note. I decided to take someones's advice on here and check phone records. I have seen nothing on his phone and I found his old iphone in a drawer with all our dead phones. I saw nothing but pics of family, job sites (outdoors), and camping trips with the fam. I went through all contacts and saw no one I did not recognize and read all the texts to his couple of friends. Everything was about work mostly, football and family. That's it so I feel good about that. I saw his old work blackberry in the same drawer but I have to find the cord cause it is dead. I think this gal does see in my husband what she wishes hers would be. I do think that could be dangerous tho.
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Joined: Aug 2011
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It's great that your husband has boundaries, but that isn't good enough by itself. You both need to be in enthusiastic agreement over the people you associate with.
My wife's affair was with someone (her boss) who kept after her over many years time. I trusted her boundaries, and it was a big mistake. This woman will keep trying to make love bank deposits with your husband. She will work to wear him down. Take it from one who has been there. You are right to be worried, and further contact with this lady needs to be prevented.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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mrEureka I totally agree. Hubby says we should not do anything I am not totally comfortable and happy with so yes we agreed to not go to anymore social engagements where this couple will be. We are not going to work function Sat. They would be at but are making a date night out of it.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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I see nothing in your husbands behaviour to be concerned about. Mr E is right though. My XHs affair partner 'wore him down' over a long time period too.
You both sound very aware and protective of your marriage which makes a refreshing change.
Welcome to MB.
Last edited by indiegirl; 10/23/14 01:19 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Indiegirl thank you for those words. I am so glad to have this totally in the in the open between us. I was hesitant to bring it up with hubby for a while cause I thought it would make me look jealous but I see now jealousy or a red flag is a good thing when you lovingly discuss it. His reaction made me feel loved and not upset that I seemed concerned about this woman.
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Joined: Nov 2005
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Congratulation on having such a great husband! I am sure that all the attention did his ego good.
Have him stay away from her. The problem is that her behavior is not only harmful to your marriage, but also to the health of your husband's career. Who knows what rumors she'd be spreading if he is cordial to her?
Me: 50. W: 50. Happily married since 1993. 3 kids.
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She does not work with my husband but is the wife of my husband's coworker so thankfully running into her has only been a few times a year at work social gatherings. I am in total agreement that we won't be at things her and her husband will attend. My husband doesn't socialize with the hubby any longer and hasn't for a long time. We avoided the gathering last Saturday and had a great time out on our own date. Thanks again and so glad I got confirmation of my feelings that this gal really could do some damage if care is not taken.
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