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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7 |
Hello,
We have been separated for a month. He has moved out (with everything) and will not verbalise if our marriage is over or if we can get back on track after a break.
I want to fix this. We both need a break from each other due to alot of stuff that happened and I think, blindsided us as the people we really are.
Can a marriage ever be repaired after a complete break? If it can, how do I go about this?
Thanks.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Hello,
We have been separated for a month. He has moved out (with everything) and will not verbalise if our marriage is over or if we can get back on track after a break.
I want to fix this. We both need a break from each other due to alot of stuff that happened and I think, blindsided us as the people we really are.
Can a marriage ever be repaired after a complete break? If it can, how do I go about this?
Thanks. Welcome to MB. Why are you separated?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7 |
too much arguing and not listening to each other....also alot of stress about money too.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
too much arguing and not listening to each other....also alot of stress about money too. Welcome to MB. I think you're going to have to say more than this if you want any help. We can't understand your situation if you say very little about it.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7
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well it is true....we really did stop listening to each other and the arguing got out of control. It was like walking on eggshells for both of us in the end. Finances were a huge issue for us too. I was seeing a counsellor and trying to follow the advice(been going since Feb) and he only managed to go once in July before leaving a mth ago with no discussion.
There is nobody else involved. I know this.
He has not verbalised the end of the marriage and says things like he does not have a crystal ball and that we need to sort ourselves out.
I agree we need to sort ourselves out but I can honestly say I think we have something that is worth fighting for.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,156 Likes: 1
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Discoball,
although you had arguments, it really sounds fishy that he would go trough the trouble to move out without anybody else involved.
Even more while your arguments were about money, why would he spend hundreds of dollars per month extra, just to move out?
How have you ruled out that someone else is involved?
How long have you been married, do you have children?
MD
happily married to and in love with DH
3 children out of the house, 2 more to go
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Joined: Nov 2014
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He has moved to his friend's house (bungalow) so he is living cheap.
I've ruled out nobody else is involved through phone records and that he was cheated on himself by his first wife and is very anti cheating. Doing that himself, would be very out of character.
We have been married 2.5yrs. No children together.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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He has moved to his friend's house (bungalow) so he is living cheap.
I've ruled out nobody else is involved through phone records and that he was cheated on himself by his first wife and is very anti cheating. Doing that himself, would be very out of character. People that have affairs usually don't plan them out in the beginning. Does he have any female friends? Affairs start as a result of lack of boundaries around the opposite sex.
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Joined: Nov 2014
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no female friends at all....He never even went out without me.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
well it is true....we really did stop listening to each other and the arguing got out of control. It was like walking on eggshells for both of us in the end. Finances were a huge issue for us too. I was seeing a counsellor and trying to follow the advice(been going since Feb) and he only managed to go once in July before leaving a mth ago with no discussion.
There is nobody else involved. I know this.
He has not verbalised the end of the marriage and says things like he does not have a crystal ball and that we need to sort ourselves out.
I agree we need to sort ourselves out but I can honestly say I think we have something that is worth fighting for. Did either of you have angry outbursts (AO)? Do you have the book Love Busters?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7
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Joined: Nov 2014
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yes we did. And, no I don't have it. I was not sure if it was something to use since he isn't here.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
yes we did. And, no I don't have it. I was not sure if it was something to use since he isn't here. What were his complaints about you? Were you hitting him? What was so horrible that he had to move out?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 7 |
We both wanted a break due to all the arguing (no, I was not hitting him). It honestly is lack of proper communication and arguing instead. Neither of us could say anything normal without the other thinking it was nasty...I don't know how to explain this. It was not like this every day, just most days in the end.
On the other hand, at night we always hugged into each other.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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discoball, I would start with the book Lovebusters, and most of all, STOP fighting with him. IT takes 2 people to fight and this change can start with you.
Did you ask him to leave?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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