What mental issues does your WW have?

If you want to try and recover your marriage then you need to get serious and stop being a doormat while she boinks various men. All the lip service in the world isn't going to help you and you have repeatedly said she told you she would do anything to save your marriage. That is obviously a lie and her actions say otherwise...LOUDLY!

I'm pretty sure she has some untreated mental health issues or serious depression issues.

That's neither here nor there. I'm tyring to figure out how to stop her from seeing other men, that's why I'm here...for advice. I am not happy with the situation, I'm pissed and hurt about what's going on, I just don't know what to do at this point. I already moved out, I already saw other ppl (granted when I did this she got jealous and wanted back but I was caught up in what I was doing similar to what she is now). I mean aside from that (which I know is not encouraged by Dr H), Idk what would get her snap out of it.

Did you start the ADs, yet?

Yes, started last night. Dr. said it will take like 2 weeks for them to really kick in. I kinda do feel less consumed by this today.

Then talk to her about seeing a doctor if she is depressed...be plain and simple about it.


Tell her you are done dating other women and apologize for it. Tell her you want to reconcile if she is willing to do the work with you. If she blows you off at least you have told her. If she blows you off and continues her adulterous lifestyle are you willing to go Plan B and get off the crazy train?

More months of back and forth is only going to cause more damage and resentment. You both either need to be committed or pack it in IMO. In TX you can file for divorce with fault.

I talked to her yesterday about seeing a doctor and getting on some meds because I was worried about her but she refused and got defensive. Then she acted like everybody was against her and closed off. She got over it after a few hours.

I have told her but she is not thinkin straight and doesn't care at the moment. I told her I was done dating other women for the last month and a half when she was coming over to miy apartment every other night but she isn't hearing it right now. She's totally wrapped up in her fantasy world right now. I know there will be a point where I can't Plan A anymore and will move to Plan B. If it gets there, I will also file for divorce at this time. I don't think a Plan A cannot succeed yet, maybe I'm wrong but I will have to Plan A as long as I can then go to B. Unless I hear differently from Dr. Harley.

Glad to hear it - ADs really helped me. I'm hoping you can get some relief soon.

You can continue to Plan A but when dealing with a serial cheater it is not the same as dealing with the "typical" WS. I hope you have informed Dr. H that your WW is now a serial cheater.

ETA: I would also strongly recommend you use condoms if you still have sex with your WW wife.

I'm still awaiting a response and hopefully I can discuss the entire story with him. I just want some sound advice so I have the best chance at recovery. I want one last shot at it and if it doesn't work well I can at least tell myself I tried everything.

Absolutely do, sadly I don't know what she's been up to (well I know she's had sex with at least 2 partners in this time) and that is so heartbreaking to me. I hope she has been taking precautions as she is not on birth control at the moment. She had an IUD that was removed in March and took birth control for a little bit but then stopped and a pregnancy worries me as much as an STD does. I know I would not be able to handle her getting pregnant (from someone else), that's a deal breaker for me. Even if it was mine, as much as I hate the idea of going through paternity testing I would (its so unfair to the child IMO). Even if we were already working at recovery, I would leave the marriage if she ended up pregnant from someone else. A condition of mine will absolutely be a pregnancy test before anything.

Have you listened to the clips in here?

Serial Cheaters

You can't stop her.
She is an adult.
I think you need to wait until you hear from Dr. Harley for instructions. Plan A in the meantime.

The comment about her not thinking clearly is a love buster and probably caused you love bank withdrawls.

Do you attend a Church?
Have you asked your Church to pray for your family?

Yes I do. I will do that.

I understand it a LB'er. I'm continuing to Plan A. I spent the night with her last night again, thats everyday this week since Sunday. It was her Bday yesterday so I took her and the kids out for dinner and had a nice gift delivered to her work (I just got a thanks in text message which bummed me out a bit as I put alot of thought into the gift). It was nothing extravagant but it was something very emotional and I hoped it would have meant more.

I feel like she is letting me meet some EN's but she is also getting some met elsewhere with all the conversation she has with other ppl some being men. This situation kind of makes me feel like she's just using me for certain stuff honestly. I would rather her do that at this point (especially sf) then go elsewhere but it just is a crappy feeling sometimes and its so hard to know she can go anywhere for it at any time if she were to decide she wants to. I am super dreading this weekend as she is going out to celebrate her bday, I overheard her tell a friend a couple of nights ago she invited a guy to come hang out with them (if I recall correctly). She has not (and will not) invite me out with her. We only spend time alone together, she doesn't want anyone to know she's spending time with me I think.

I also think she might be embarrassed she's spending so much time with me or trying to keep it under wraps. A couple of nights ago I was at her house and her sister called her on facetime and she was talking to her then went to the restroom and tried wispering something (didn't want to offend me I think) and her sister asked her why she was wispering and who was at her house, she replied that I was and her sister was shocked. She said, "really? What's he doing there?" My wife said, "He's just helping me with some stuff..." (I was there to spend time with her and she knew this). Her sister asked if I was staying the night and she responded that she didnt know (was a lie she knew I was staying).

Also yesterday on her FB posts one of her nephews asked her what she was doing for her bday and she responded dinner with the kids (but left me out purposefully). Then at the end of the night she put a big FB post thanking "everybody for bday wishes, texts, calls, her girls for taking her out to eat lunch and an amazing dinner with ALL her babes" (I think she put "all" for me because I had brought up to her that I feel like crap when she acts like she's embarrassed to be spending time with me and she always used to call me babe. It actually slipped out in the car ride to dinner then she said "oh sorry, I mean (then my name)). I don't know if she purposefully does stuff like that or if she tries to do just enough to keep me around or she really doesn't care either way or if was truly an accident of habit...idk...

So this situation is all over the place and she is also. She reiterated last night that she doesn't dislike spending time with me but she just doesn't know that she wants me and only me. She still says its because I pushed her away for so long that she's now where she's at and can't just change the way she feels. I'm still trying to Plan A at every opportunity. I told her I understand how she feels but to just be honest with me and if she wants to hang out just say you do (no more passive aggressive crap, she would constantly tell me this week you can come over to do this if you want, I would ask if she wanted me to come and she would say she didnt care or it doesn't matter but for me not to read too much into it) and if you don't then say so. If you want to talk to me, talk to me or text me. She said she agreed and that if she wanted to spend time she would say so or call me or text me and not play those games anymore. She said she was ok spending time together and stuff as long as I didn't confuse it with her wanting a relationship. So I think the time I've spent with her has helped a bit because after I interfered with her "relationship" a few weeks ago, she was livid and wanted nothing to do with me.

She seemed to have a wall up because she doesn't want to commit (would try to not laugh with me or be awkward at times) to me and I'm trying to bring the wall down so she can let me meet some EN's. Don't know if this was a good move or not and if she will see me as not caring or if she will see me as fighting for her. I know right now she's not thinking about it but I also don't want her to have feelings of resentment in the future. I'm basically doing anything and everything I can to win her back, I guess in the long run that's she'll realize (I hope).

Have you heard back from the Harleys?

Are you the caller I heard on the radio show?

I heard a caller similar to your case but there was no mention of the multiple affairs she was seeking out.
If it was you, I hope you told Dr. Harley about those

It wasn't me. I have yet to hear back from them. I am still in plan A. I think it is starting to have an effect.

Wife didn't go out on Friday and stayed the night with me. She was feeling sick so I took care of her and really pampered her. She went out last night but text me throughout the entire night. She said she had invited someone to go a long time ago but hadn't talked to him in a while and wasn't planning on any guys they know going out with them. At the end of the night she said she wanted to come over and stay with me but that her friend was mad she's been staying at my house? This is her partner in crime is mentioned previously. She said she wanted me to hug her and pamper her and wishes she could come over (she didn't have her own car).

She said she would stay at my house tonight so we'll see. She was a little intoxicated so idk if these were her real feelings. I guess I will she if she slipped because she was drinking and dropped her guard or if it was just the alcohol talking. The ADs are really helping me control my emotions so I've had a pretty flawless Plan A since starting them. Hopefully I can keep it up and hopefully it starting to matter. It was interesting I asked her if she had fun last night and SE said 'kinda' (usually it's yes!!! Or something emphatic like that). I asked her why and she said 'it's because it's not what or where I wanted to be'. Hopefully we're turning a corner but I know I can't focus on that just keep focused on what I'm doing.

Update: Still have not heard from Dr. Harley. I will resend my email this afternoon.

Stayed with wife every night since Sunday 11/16 (with the exception of Saturday which I referenced in my last post). Wife got mad at me on Sunday night because I had been drinking watching football with friends and I tried being romantic with her on Sunday (especially after our interaction on Saturday) and she said she didn't want that. I think it was a LB but I thought she wanted that so IDK.

I was going to help her clean her house yesterday but we went to the store to get some cleaning supplies then fed the kids and it was like 8:00 already so she asked if I wanted to take a nap with her and we could cuddle. So I did and we ended up sleeping all night and cuddling. We will try to give the cleaning another shot today.

She told me today to make sure I'm not reading too much into things which is a bummer. But she actually discussing things with me and not trying to make everything into a fight which is also good. I will continue on with Plan A and see where it leads. Wife is at least discussing stuff with me which is good.

Update: So my wife is still speaking to other men, its really multiple men at thsi point. She has been spending alot of time with me but always tries to pick fights and has started saying she doesn't want any physical interaction (mostly sf which is a big need for her). She says she is tired of guys wanting her to send them pictures (x-rated) and that she doesn't want to have anything sexual to do with anybody right now. Then, I saw in her phone yesterday that she is texting 2 guys (1 more than the other) and was sent a sex pic by one of them and responded with a topless picture and sent the other one a lingerie picture.

This is so frustrating because she is allowing me to meet some EN's but also allowing other ppl to meet some. She is telling me she doesn't want anything to do with sex with anyone (I tried having some romantic texts with her and she said she didnt like it) but she is carrying on with other men. It seems like other men are able to speak to her this way but not me and everytime we do have sf she says we shouldn't have. There are multiple men that text her sexual stuff (I saw in her phone yesterday) and that is ok but not me.

On Wednesday night we spent it together again and went to the store with me and the kids and she looked me in the eyes and kissed me a few times in the store like she used to (this hasn't happened in like 6 months). When we were at her house later she was kissing me passionately and wanted to do more but the kids were up. Later when they went to sleep, I tried to be passionate with her but she didn't want to and got angry.

Its so tough to be in this situation and she keeps giving me little signs that she's getting feelings then all of a sudden says she doesn't want anything to do with me and that she doesn't want any type of relationship with me.

Edit: I just feel so defeated and hurt most of the time. I am not a priority for her right now and her disregarding my feelings and making me feel inadequate is tough to deal with. The ADs have helped but its still rough.

Have you heard back from the Harleys?

txstunnedman, the Harleys have attempted to contact you numerous times without success. Please check your spam mail to see if the emails have gone there. Joyce Harley will address your email on the air and then notify you.