|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Thank you, Prisca. I don't think I can ever trust him again. He keeps saying the will do things and then just not do them. I don't even think I have a choice but to separate at this point. I don't have the financial means at this point but have started a business and am hoping to start making money soon.
I don't know where to go from here. I am praying for guidance. Yes watch his actions and if he doesn't follow through then separation is the next option. He will have to move out and still provide for his family. Can you write the radio show? Or better yet, you have access to Dr. Harley on the private forum. Why not write him directly? I would assume that he is not going to follow through and, without discussing it with him, start planning your life without him. He can always pull off a miracle if he chooses. Don't try to press him to - it is time for him to pull the load, if he wants to keep his marriage. Yes, write to Dr. Harley. And I would encourage you to start listening to the radio show regularly for advice and encouragement about separation. Don't worry about listening for marriage advice at this point; that is your husband's job, if he wants to stay married to you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
What do I do if he refuses to move out? I'm not trying to be argumentative but he has refused to do this in the past.
I don't have the means to move out right now. I am praying, trusting in God but feel despair on the human level.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
What do I do if he refuses to move out? I'm not trying to be argumentative but he has refused to do this in the past.
I don't have the means to move out right now. I am praying, trusting in God but feel despair on the human level. I don't think you're being argumentative. I think you're asking good questions. You pack some of his things and change the locks. Have you seen this? How to Plan B Correctly
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
What do I do if he refuses to move out? You need to get a lawyer who can make this happen. Also, that will be a very good sign that he's not going to do what it takes to keep his marriage. I don't have the means to move out right now. Talk to local women's shelters and ask for help figuring out a way to get away from him ASAP and for help figuring out a way to support yourself.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Gracie, I don't mean to be nosey but how is it Hope forked out $3500 for a sports trip but you don't have the means to move out if need be?
Agree with markos that if it gets to the point that anyone needs to move out, it should be him and a lawyer can make that happen. Hope would be required to provide support.
Where is Hope right now? Why is he not posting?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
I never thought of doing that. I don't even know what to say to that except that he would probably flip out and break the door down.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
I never thought of doing that. I don't even know what to say to that except that he would probably flip out and break the door down. Then you call the cops immediately. Dr. Harley has says many of times that a night in jail can be the best teaching moment for an angry person.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
thank you, markos.
I'm scared. Not sure why, just scared.
He absolutely won't move out. I've asked him to and he won't.
That means he's not going to do what it takes to keep the marriage then?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
markos, thank you.
I have gone to a women's shelter to speak with someone.
Feel such a sense of shame, failure. I've tried so much to make it work.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
black raven,
He makes a good amount of money but is incredibly controlling. He will spend on what he wants.
I actually make in the negative right now as I've just started a business and it has negative cash flow. I've never been great with math. Feel like I can't do this.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
wow, brainhurts. I don't know why I am afraid to do that but I am. I am praying for guidance so I trust you are saying what I need. Just hard for me to take in, a new way of thinking.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
black raven,
He makes a good amount of money but is incredibly controlling. He will spend on what he wants.
I actually make in the negative right now as I've just started a business and it has negative cash flow. I've never been great with math. Feel like I can't do this. I'm not sure that starting a new business is the right way to go for a situation with your urgency. 4 out of 5 business startups fail, and I'm not sure you have time to try 5 times before getting free. I would suggest getting some help getting a job as an employee for now, or some kind of situation where you can be trained for a career where you don't have to assume the risk of being a business owner.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I never thought of doing that. I don't even know what to say to that except that he would probably flip out and break the door down. Then you call the cops immediately. Dr. Harley has says many of times that a night in jail can be the best teaching moment for an angry person. You need to file a police report each and every time he or any member of his family is abusive toward you. Call the cops!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
markos, thank you.
I have gone to a women's shelter to speak with someone.
Feel such a sense of shame, failure. I've tried so much to make it work. He is the one who has failed, though, not you. You were willing to have a marriage, and he was not.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
markos, thank you.
I have gone to a women's shelter to speak with someone.
Feel such a sense of shame, failure. I've tried so much to make it work. And what plan could they offer you to help you get away from him?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
markos, thank you.
I have gone to a women's shelter to speak with someone.
Feel such a sense of shame, failure. I've tried so much to make it work. He is the one who has failed, though, not you. You were willing to have a marriage, and he was not. ^^^^exactly
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
black raven,
He makes a good amount of money but is incredibly controlling. He will spend on what he wants.
I actually make in the negative right now as I've just started a business and it has negative cash flow. I've never been great with math. Feel like I can't do this. A court order would not give him a choice about supporting you and the children. Gracie, there is nothing wrong with being afraid but when you let fear paralyze you from doing what you need to do, you will be in a world of hurt and nothing is going to change. I divorced my exWH (he was a cheater though) a few years ago. We may be close in age...I was married almost 18 yrs by the time my divorce was final. My kids will be 13 and 15 soon like your youngest two. I am a SAHM now (wasn't always) and have been for a few yrs now. I tell you this because it is possible to not be held hostage in a bad marriage due to finances. There are many others who separated or divorced with absolutely nothing and they are happy to be out of marital hell.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 51 |
markos,
I have been thinking along those same lines, thank you. Maybe I can do that while my business grows/ attempts growth?
Is my situation that bad then?
I think I have a blind spot to it or something.
My self esteem has hit the floor (My guess) I really don't know.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Where is he tonight? For a man who says he wants to save his marriage, where is he?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (irwin),
557
guests, and
85
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,042
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
