It takes 15 hours a week of "quality time" to sustain a marriage. You have learned the hard way that only seeing each other 2 days a week will not support a marriage. Now he feels awkward and detached from you.

The way to recover is to find jobs on the same shifts, spend at least 20 hours per week meeting each others intimate emotional needs and get him out of that job. Neither of you should be anywhere close to the OW or the affair will resume.

Well, that is not love. That is what I would consider enabling. An affair is a destructive relationship that is not in his best interest.


This is why it is so important for him to quit that job and get as far away from her as possible. He will continue to see her if the conditions don't change.

Are you snooping on his phone and email to ensure contact has ended?

Cheaters are liars. Even the spouses who NEVER lied before can become the world's best liars when they are having an affair. Just so you know....they almost always say they only had sex twice. They almost always say they couldn't perform or sex was bad. If you hear him say this to you...don't believe one word of it. He may be telling you the truth or perhaps telling you just enough to get you to leave him so he doesn't have to make the choice. He may be letting you down easy. You don't know. You can ask him to take a polygraph to get these answers. If he refuses, then you have your answer. If he agrees and the test checks out that he is not lying....you know you can work on the MB program. A good polygraph test is not hard to find in most cities.

A divorced OW? She most likely will not let go of him that easily.

I made the mistake of underestimating the lengths that OW would go to keep my DH wayward.

Watch him like a hawk. It is dangerous for him to continue to work near OW. You have to close all the channels that made his secret second live possible.

Have you exposed this OW to her family and asked for their support in getting her to leave your husband alone?

These are some red flags that there is still some contact. Even just working in her area and driving by her house etc could be triggering him.

It's not good that you two spend so much time apart. I would not be so confident that the affair is "completely over". The problem with affairs is that they are very addictive and you should basically assume contact has continued until you can disprove that through active snooping (GPS VAR in the car - spending all free time together, etc).

I would not assume anything that he tells you is true. It is very common for a wayward to lose weight and get into shape once they are trying to attract someone. He may have met her and then started working out. Waywards lie, lie and then lie some more.

I point this out because it seems to me that you are assuming a lot of what he tells you is true in a lot of your posts, not just this one specific example.

I agree with the above comments. It won't work if he doesn't decide to change his lifestyle and work schedule to spend more time with you. <<<<EDIT>>>> Hugs.

Expose this OW fast please if you want to save your marriage. My OW was divorced and wanted a husband so she was brutal. She was a BS turned OW, who's self esteem was low and had knowledge on how affairs thrived. In her eyes her OW stole her husband so being the OW was a more enviable position. Your husband is probably lying about the sex and I don't believe they are no contact. The only way I was able to save my marriage was with exposure to her ex-husband. She now was a cheater just like him and the thought of him knowing this about her made her back off. But she really backed off because I went from working nights as a nurse to taking a financial hit and staying home so save my marriage. I went to my family MD and had him put be on rest for exhaustion, anxiety and depression. I was able to use FMLA to keep my job and moved to evening shifts when I returned to work. I was home for 6 months and didn't get any disability but my job was there. I was now home and he was unable to just lay in bed and talk all night. Divorced OW or MOW that are wanting exit affairs are the worst. They will inform your WH of investigation tips, buy your husband phones, drive to his job for their meetings, pay for dates and hotels. They are also very patient and waiting for WH to leave their BW's.

Have you been tested for STDs?

I agree and I am making this a priority.

Ugh...I never even thought of this. Now I'm even more stressed!

I have an appointment Tuesday

Are you snooping on his phone and email to ensure contact has ended? [/quote]


I've looked but he probably erases everything.

I've looked but he probably erases everything. [/quote]

I agree. Which is why it is a good idea to put spyware on his phone.

Thank you for your feedback...I'll keep this in mind. If he is lying and still seeing her, I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I agree. Which is why it is a good idea to put spyware on his phone. [/quote]

It's a company phone

Some really good spyware programs are eblaster or flexipsy. I would check out the Operation Investigate forum. Other ways to spy would be a voice activated recorder and a GPS.

You can also recover all of his deleted phone logs and texts with this: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2827972#Post2827972

or Wondershare Dr Fone. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2823695#Post2823695

You have to be smart, cool and calm. I can guarantee you that OW is fighting for your husband behind your back. You have already learned that your DH is not strong enough to do the right thing when it comes to OW. Exposure and the light of day is your strongest weapon in turning that around.

Expose OW to her family and friends. Ask them to use their influence to keep her away from your DH.


Who on WH's side have you exposed to?