Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 39 of 43 1 2 37 38 39 40 41 42 43
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by rocksolid
Would you consider online dating?

You would have a lot of interests and info like your college and gardening to put on your profile!

What course are you studying?

I have had NO success with online dating websites pof and okcupid.
I closed the okcupid account and only check the pof website weekly.
Also, I had a professional write my dating profile and select the pictures. She also wrote some of my emails to women on the site.

My sister thinks I should just meet women in person, like at college or at social functions. I'm not going to go hunt them down.

I'm lonely at times but really becoming accustomed to be being single and enjoying what limited freedoms I have as a single man. Obviously I don't have the freedoms that Cary Grant did in Arsenic and Old Lace but I am just really enjoying life right now.


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Oh, I am currently taking US History, English and Algebra.
The algebra is the most challenging.
The English is challenging but I am getting an A.
History is another matter: The Professor is communist and asks us to write essays about "Should the US have done ABC?" at different points in history.
My first report was a B. I presented America as a great nation.
After that, I started referencing Marx and Henry George in my reports (and portraying America as an evil capitalist country) and have been receiving high praises and 100% on every paper!

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 497
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 497
Wow good jobs on your 100 percent marks. That would be a great confidence boost for you.

Probably cliche, but someone will probably come along when you least expect and not looking. Does the college hold many social events?





Me: FWW/BW - 38 yrs
XH: FBH/WH - 41 yrs
Plan B
DS: 9yrs old (with H)
DD: 20yrs old
Divorced Dec 2014
WXH still living with POSOW

Actions mean EVERYTHING.
Words mean NOTHING.
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956
Likes: 1
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by rocksolid
Would you consider online dating?

You would have a lot of interests and info like your college and gardening to put on your profile!

What course are you studying?

I have had NO success with online dating websites pof and okcupid.
I closed the okcupid account and only check the pof website weekly.
Also, I had a professional write my dating profile and select the pictures. She also wrote some of my emails to women on the site.

My sister thinks I should just meet women in person, like at college or at social functions. I'm not going to go hunt them down.

I'm lonely at times but really becoming accustomed to be being single and enjoying what limited freedoms I have as a single man. Obviously I don't have the freedoms that Cary Grant did in Arsenic and Old Lace but I am just really enjoying life right now.

Are you in a position where you can meet with women and be friends with them for a good while just doing fun things? I know you are probably very busy with your children, your job and school, so making a bit of time here and there for fun things like a bicycle or hiking (or some other activity) group and singles opportunities at church is going to be challenging, but that's where I'd start.

If you go into this simply seeking out friendships, rather than a romantic interest, it may make your life less stressful and possibly more fun.

At a local university close to us, a group hosts weekly dance lessons followed by a dance party every single Friday, and for only $2 per person. they sell bottled water and cups of popcorn, so it's pretty tame. There are lots of single women and men as well as married people who show up every week. It's totally open and fun. If you can dance or want to learn, something like that would be a great place to meet women.

Also, if you have a botanical garden nearby, you might be able to volunteer there or learn master gardening and/or work in the produce garden.


Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010

Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by rocksolid
Wow good jobs on your 100 percent marks. That would be a great confidence boost for you.

Actually, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth that I have to resort to this to get a decent grade

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by LongWayFromHome
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by rocksolid
Would you consider online dating?

You would have a lot of interests and info like your college and gardening to put on your profile!

What course are you studying?

I have had NO success with online dating websites pof and okcupid.
I closed the okcupid account and only check the pof website weekly.
Also, I had a professional write my dating profile and select the pictures. She also wrote some of my emails to women on the site.

My sister thinks I should just meet women in person, like at college or at social functions. I'm not going to go hunt them down.

I'm lonely at times but really becoming accustomed to be being single and enjoying what limited freedoms I have as a single man. Obviously I don't have the freedoms that Cary Grant did in Arsenic and Old Lace but I am just really enjoying life right now.

Are you in a position where you can meet with women and be friends with them for a good while just doing fun things? I know you are probably very busy with your children, your job and school, so making a bit of time here and there for fun things like a bicycle or hiking (or some other activity) group and singles opportunities at church is going to be challenging, but that's where I'd start.

If you go into this simply seeking out friendships, rather than a romantic interest, it may make your life less stressful and possibly more fun.

At a local university close to us, a group hosts weekly dance lessons followed by a dance party every single Friday, and for only $2 per person. they sell bottled water and cups of popcorn, so it's pretty tame. There are lots of single women and men as well as married people who show up every week. It's totally open and fun. If you can dance or want to learn, something like that would be a great place to meet women.

Also, if you have a botanical garden nearby, you might be able to volunteer there or learn master gardening and/or work in the produce garden.


Those are all great ideas but I have no extra time and meeting women is not a priority for me at this point.
I will continue to ask women for phone numbers but I'm really not interested in female friends or volunterring.
I already volunteer at church and I dont have any extra time

Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
Originally Posted by rocksolid
Would you consider online dating?

You would have a lot of interests and info like your college and gardening to put on your profile!

What course are you studying?

I have had NO success with online dating websites pof and okcupid.
I closed the okcupid account and only check the pof website weekly.
Also, I had a professional write my dating profile and select the pictures. She also wrote some of my emails to women on the site.

My sister thinks I should just meet women in person, like at college or at social functions. I'm not going to go hunt them down.

I'm lonely at times but really becoming accustomed to be being single and enjoying what limited freedoms I have as a single man. Obviously I don't have the freedoms that Cary Grant did in Arsenic and Old Lace but I am just really enjoying life right now.

Are those the only sites you've tried? I have some relatives who have met their spouses on eHarmony and had good results. I've never done online dating myself but it seems like a no brainer with regards to getting a large pool of candidates.

That being said, I know the culture around some sites is more "hook-up" than "long term relationship".


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 968
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
History is another matter: The Professor is communist and asks us to write essays about "Should the US have done ABC?" at different points in history.
My first report was a B. I presented America as a great nation.
After that, I started referencing Marx and Henry George in my reports (and portraying America as an evil capitalist country) and have been receiving high praises and 100% on every paper!

I loathed History courses in college for basically the same reason, and I'm a history buff. Wait till world history and discussions on the origin of the Bible/Church. Doesn't get any better. grumble


Happily remarried to wonderful woman who I found using the guidelines in "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders"
2 baby boys, working on #3 and couldn't ask for anything more.

When my ex's affair happened: BH 28, Ex-WW:29
Married: 7 years
Together: 8 years
D-day: 10/5/2014
D filed: 1/22/2015
D Final: 6/4/2015

My story
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
No, I haven't tried sites like eHarmoney because they charge fees.

I understand Harley is a proponent of online dating. I also understand that Harley did experiments as a college Professor to prove that attraction is unique and not always broad.

In the novel the Fountainhead, the hero of the book, Howard Roarke, was in love with a woman named Dominique Franco and waited for her. He did not seek her out. He knew that she would eventually seek him.

The author, Ayn Rand wrote that romance was mutual attraction to shared values and that like a magnet, persons of shared values would find each other. They had to, she reasoned, just as magnets in nature draw close to one another as a form of natural law.

At this point, I am busy with full time college, a small business (for income), raising 3 kids (and all the stuff that goes with that) and keeping house as a single parent. I've decided that I don't have time for online dating and rarely check my online profile.

I've given this up to the Lord. My grandmother, also told me to just wait on the Lord's timing and that is what I am doing. The argument can be made that perhaps I lack proper communication skills or am poor looking in appearance to attract a mate with online dating. Truthfully, I don't know why I've been unsuccessful with it and at this point it is no longer a priority for me.

Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
Jedi, I didn't do so well with PoF and OkCupid either, too many folks looking to hook up. But I really liked the folks I talked to on Christian Mingle, and I met my boyfriend there, they were going somewhere with their lives if you know what I mean. But at the same time I totally understand that working and raising kids doesn't leave much time for dating!

My guess as to why you haven't found someone yet is that you are very high energy and not everyone can keep up with that. But that's okay you're not looking for everyone wink It sounds like you're doing the right things to be where a good woman will find you smile Do you take the kids to church?


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Do you take the kids to church?

Yes! We were attending every Sunday and Wed evening but my ex wife recently obtained part custody so they are now with her Wed evenings and every other weekend.
The weekends they are with me, we go. My daughters have good relationships with their Sunday School teachers. My son doesn't enjoy it so much but It's not optional for him.


Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,574
Likes: 1
How about finding a good woman at church?


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
Is your ex working on becoming a better person?


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
JK,

You recently commented that your Ex-W is finally taking visitation with your children.

How did that come about and how are your kids proccssing it after she left and now returned for limited contact?

Is it a Court Ordered visitation, or something she and you discussed and agreed with?

LTL

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
JK,

You recently commented that your Ex-W is finally taking visitation with your children.

How did that come about and how are your kids proccssing it after she left and now returned for limited contact?

Is it a Court Ordered visitation, or something she and you discussed and agreed with?

LTL

Yes, it is court ordered visitation.
The kids handle it alright. They are often upset when they return though so I followed my moms advice and just started playing a movie when they return to settle down.
She sees them Wed evenings and every other weekend.

Ironically, she actually tells the kids she left them because I was neglectful, abusive and cheating on her!

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Oh, it has caused problems with church too.
She has become an atheist and argues with the kids about their faith.
My DS12 is increasingly hostile to attending our church. She also told the kids that our church "hates her" and that I "...told them about all of our problems [her adultery]..."
There is another church we visit at times (I have a business relationship with them and the Pastors daughters attend our school) and ex ww told the kids that that church has people "spying on her."

Last night, as often happens Sunday evenings after I pick them up, DD8 was crying and afraid to go to sleep at bedtime. She said mommy scared her and she doesn't want to talk about it. (I later learned from DS that ww was telling her stories of how she (ww) has communicated with ghosts in the past and had in depth conversations with one ghost).

I've told the kids that the ghost experiences were either demonic or imagined and that when we trust in the Lord we don't need to worry about that. I've also told them to make the sign of the Cross if they wake up scared etc.


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by nmwb77
Is your ex working on becoming a better person?

I don't know what she is doing. I have not spoken with her since divorce date and only see her at child exchanges and do not communicate with her at these exchanges.


Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
OP Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
How about finding a good woman at church?

Well, most of the younger people at my church are married.
I'm active and present, I bring the snacks to Wed night Bible Study and usually help with serving Communion, etc. but the majority of my church is age 50 and older.

However, they do have a great childrens program with about 100-150 children attending.


Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 863
Originally Posted by Jedi_Knight
I don't know what she is doing. I have not spoken with her since divorce date and only see her at child exchanges and do not communicate with her at these exchanges.

Well, from what you described about her interactions with your children, I would say she hasn't learned anything. I'm sorry to hear about that. It's so sad. God bless you. I'm glad that you do not let it get you down. Hopefully someday she will repent and become a better mother.


Remarried 7/16
Thanks MB!
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Wow,

That sounds nutty. What cognitive dissonance people experience when they do the wrong thing. I am glad that your kids have at least one parent to keep them grounded. I experienced the same thing with my mom, although all she did was demonize my dad to the high heavens to justify her affair.

Now that I am an adult I understand that my dad is a flawed man (he has a temper that really hurt my mom) but my mom remains off the deep end in the justification of her behavior. She maintains that she was a "young girl" when she started her affair (she was 33) and that she "needed" it. She has been in volatile affairage since my parents divorced (she got remarried just months after the divorce was final) and her husband is an alcoholic, they are animal hoarders and their house was recently forclosed on. Sigh.



Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
Page 39 of 43 1 2 37 38 39 40 41 42 43

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 584 guests, and 71 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5