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Joined: Jun 2014
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
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He has an iPhone... I'm going to look into this and see what I can do to snoop on his phone. I just checked with him again about changing his number this month and he confirmed that he still plans to. Even still, I know that snooping would give me more peace of mind...
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 9
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 9 |
Unwritten and Melody-- thank you for confirming what I have felt about telling the kids. I'm thinking of telling them next week when he's at work. Do I tell them, and then tell my husband later that evening that I've told them?? I'm afraid he'll see it as a betrayal of trust, as I have foolishly agreed in the past that it was something we'd decide and do together... Ugh.
He has initiated very honest confessions with everyone else in our lives--he even strongly encouraged me to call the OW's husband when I was scared to do it and others were telling me not to! It's just been the kids that he hasn't wanted to know...because he says they're too young and that's what everyone else seems to advise...
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
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Hi Hope, My children were 8 and 6 when I exposed their father's affair. They understood just fine. During that time my son was preparing for his First Communion so the Ten Commandments and discussion of sin were fresh in his mind. I touched on those things to present their father's adultery as a life lession...why you don't sin and do things to hurt your family and others. If you can draw on simple examples to discuss with your kids, it may help you explain the affair to them. Also, I never used the word "girlfriend" to refer to OW.  I didn't want what should be a sweet and endearing term to be associated with adulterous filth in their minds. I believe that Dr, H says this as well. As for the BH, just leave it alone. Often times, a BH doesn't want to believe his wife acted like a tramp because she choose to...the OM must have been a predator...FIVE YEARS your WH must have made her stay in an affair with him.  Save your breath. Welcome to MB
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Unwritten and Melody-- thank you for confirming what I have felt about telling the kids. I'm thinking of telling them next week when he's at work. Do I tell them, and then tell my husband later that evening that I've told them?? I'm afraid he'll see it as a betrayal of trust, as I have foolishly agreed in the past that it was something we'd decide and do together... Ugh. Yes, that is a good idea to tell them while he is at work and tell him afterwards. Let him know that you made a mistake lying to the kids and have corrected the record. He should never "trust" you to keep secrets again. He has initiated very honest confessions with everyone else in our lives--he even strongly encouraged me to call the OW's husband when I was scared to do it and others were telling me not to! It's just been the kids that he hasn't wanted to know...because he says they're too young and that's what everyone else seems to advise... He should have no problem with the kids knowing if he is an advocate of honesty. You can show him Dr. Harley's comments. It is not the truth that hurts kids, but lies and adultery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6 |
Please read this and listen to the clips. Exposing to Children
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
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Joined: Aug 2011
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He has an iPhone... I'm going to look into this and see what I can do to snoop on his phone. I just checked with him again about changing his number this month and he confirmed that he still plans to. Even still, I know that snooping would give me more peace of mind... Do this: Open Settings, then select Privacy, then Location Services, then System Services, then Frequent Locations. This shows you all the places that the phone has spent repeated times visiting.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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