Mario, I am reading on in LB AND LOOKING FORWARD TO WORKING WITH YOU.

OK, Help me here please, forumers,

Question 1.
My wife and I seem to be at an impasse and I can't figure out why and she wouldn't want to do POJA with me right now, all the while accusing me on being the one who doesn't/won't do POJA. Can someone explain that to me?

Question 2.
If we discuss something, and she asks me my perspective, does raising your voice in a discussion count as an angry outburst?

Question 3.
IB, Independent Behavior has been and issue for many years. She likes to garden, and I like to play softball or go to church and bible study group. Those have been issues for many years. OK, it has been a big struggle for me to give them up as I see them as good healthy things, that she used to do with me, but has opted out. (She also is going to school to finish her degree, so her time is precsious.)
The point is, it has been a big issue between us for years. Now, she has reversed her position and won't agree to no IB for either of us.
Can someone explain that one to me?

Thanks, Remark

Is this about your behavior or your wife's? Because if it is your wife's, you are not supposed to be trying to prove her wrong.

3. She is planning to leave which requires IB.

Well, hers I guess. I stand accused of being a Harley believer, but not a Harley practioner. Yet, I believe in POJA, yet my withdrawn wife won't do POJA with me.

OK, don't attempt to prove her wrong. So, what does that mean, if we're (both of us) advised to do POJA?

So, her IB is OK? I don't understand.

You said it yourself,she is withdrawn.

ETA: you cannot expect her buy-in at this point. You are at the stage of building a very basic level of trust. You need to focus on fixing yourself (ie, eliminating LBs and meeting ENs) rather than correcting your withdrawn spouse.

What is your action plan for the week? It is Tuesday so you should be 40% through a thorough plan of action. If not,fill out an hourly planner with each action step.

For example, Wednesday:Up early to Make coffee and start dishwasher. Invite spouse to watch the Hobbit tonight followed by dinner at favorite restaurant. (Get tickets and make reservations)

Also, stop carrying on mental arguments with your wife. They predispose you to DJs and defensiveness. If you catch yourself doing this, tell yourself to stop and that your spouse is a good person who is very hurt.

This requires some clarification - how exactly can we help YOU with YOUR behavior here?



Yes. And the proper response is; "This conversation is no longer pleasant, can we discuss it later?"


So, yes. YOU should stop engaging in independent behavior if you want your wife to fall back in love with you.




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Remind me please. What did Dr. Harley say to you on your call?

Radio Clip of Remark and JustDaytoDay's Call
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4
Segment #5

BTW Remark, did you ever expose your affair? I've never heard you mention telling your family.

As for your wife's behavior, Read Matthew 7:3-5.

Sort of. Back whenever it was (2006 or 2007 I'm guessing) , (1) I in no way considered it an affair. (2) I did mention it to my sister, and perhaps brother, and no one thought some emails were an affair. At least, it wasn't discussed as an affair. It was a non-event. Even I didn't consider it an affair until about a year ago as I got into Harley principles.

Yep, Got it. Read it. She has said that a lot.
Agreed.

Which requires IB on my part? her part? both parts?

"Edited to add".

^^You should quit saying that because it isn't true. You admitted that you deliberately hid the relationship from your wife. You knew it was wrong or you would not have done that.